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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27915646">spaces between us</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/softshocks/pseuds/softshocks'>softshocks</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>'estranged childhood best friends who meet again after ten years at their friends' wedding' au, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Equal amounts of 2yoo and suayeon, F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:28:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>41,325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27915646</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/softshocks/pseuds/softshocks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you think you’re ready to see her?” Bora laughs, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. There’s the sinking feeling again in Yoohyeon’s stomach. Somehow, Yoohyeon feels relieved she’s not alone in this. She’s never alone as long as she has Bora, and she knows she always will. </p><p>Bora hasn't seen Siyeon in years, the same way she hasn't seen Yubin, and they’re about to in a few days. “God, no. Not even the slightest.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Han Dong | Handong/Kim Minji | JiU, Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon, Kim Yoohyeon/Lee Yubin | Dami, Platonic Suyoo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>319</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. prelude - i've loved you since we were 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>'tfw u come back to ur home town to face ur demons and ur faced with ur estranged childhood friend whom u lost contact with, and ur feelings resurface after spending 10 years to get over it but u haven't' <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/47SgIJMYaQIEeTXyIS4Iun?si=dRhbvls2RyuM6TmmawuQuw">playlist</a></p><p>Enjoy the ride coming up :] Thank you to the 4 people whom I clung to for emotional support while writing this whole thing because it's a lot for me lol</p><p>Come say hi, I'm @hausofbora on twt!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her phone disrupts the silence of her apartment, and she knows it’s an important call. </p><p>Bora had listed five people that can pass through <em> Do Not Disturb Mode: </em> her parents, her sister, Yoohyeon, Minji, and Handong. </p><p>She picks up the cursed thing, greeted by Minji’s face, and despite wanting to commit arson at three AM, Bora presses the green button. </p><p>“This better be good,” Bora warns, her voice is still scratchy, but it’s an empty threat. Minji knows she’ll always pick up her calls. </p><p><em> “It is,” </em> it’s Handong on the other line, but she hears Minji giggling. <em> “Bora. We’re engaged!”  </em></p><p>That rouses Bora from her queen-sized bed. There was no one who lay on it but her. “Oh sweet God, no fucking way!” She says, her heart racing. It had been in talks so it isn’t a surprise, but she’s still ecstatic about it. “You crazy kids did it! I can’t believe it.” </p><p><em> “We’re still planning everything but I wanted to ask if you could be my maid of honor?” </em>Minji asks, sniffling. She knows she’s probably still not done crying. </p><p>Bora smiles, her heart soaring. She’d been on the receiving end of Minji’s Pinterest board pitch meetings for their respective weddings since age 14. “You know I’d hate you if you asked anyone else, right? It’s a resounding yes from me.” </p><p><em> “Excellent,” </em> Handong says. <em> “I think we’re planning for everyone to come back. We’ll pay for your ticket to fly in and out, so don’t worry about it.” </em></p><p>New York to <em>home </em>and back again? They had a budget but Bora isn’t surprised; despite Handong’s family not being 100% onboard with the wedding with Minji, she’s sure it’ll still be gaudy. “Just say the date,” Bora tells them. She’d have to make sure her assistant director can take over while she’s away. “I’ll block it off. No exceptions.” </p><p>They end the call, knowing that it’s the ass-crack of dawn where Bora is, and she needs to sleep until she realizes she can’t. Her ceiling is suddenly the most interesting thing in the world until there’s another text that comes in. </p><p>
  <b>Yoohyeon</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Did you get the call? </em>
</p><p>Bora figures Handong takes her as her maid of honor. She’d have to ask in the morning, when her heart doesn’t feel like it’s about to cave in. She and Yoohyeon are in the same timezone, anyway. </p><p>
  <b>Yoohyeon</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Can’t believe they did it, i’m soooo happy </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But also.. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sjaldkjsdj  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Bora</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Yeah </em>
</p><p>
  <em> So happy for them!!! They fought so hard </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But also. I feel that haha  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yoohyeon</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Do you think they’re gonna be there </em>
</p><p>Bora feels her heart sink in her chest. Her worries voiced out by someone who was probably worrying over the same goddamn thing. Minji hasn’t mentioned it, maybe forgetting out of excitement, but it would be a possibility.</p><p>
  <b>Bora</b>
</p><p>
  <em> I think so </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I wouldn’t be surprised </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And I wouldnt hate them if they were invited </em>
</p><p>Her display shows Yoohyeon’s contact photo, and Bora picks it up immediately.</p><p><em> “I feel sick.” </em> Yoohyeon sounds as tired and nervous as Bora feels. </p><p>The turning in her stomach hasn’t changed after ten years. She’s had this same conversation with Yoohyeon many times before. “Me too.” </p><p>
  <em> “Can we stay on the phone until the morning? I can’t sleep.”  </em>
</p><p>They don’t talk about it, but Bora stays awake even as Yoohyeon falls asleep.</p><p>-</p><p>“Okay, everyone,” she calls out. Bora doesn’t need a megaphone anymore. Her phone vibrates in her hand urgently. “We’ll take it from scene 2 after then it should be a smooth run from then on.”</p><p>Bora takes some of the coffee on the staff table before pressing the green button, seeing Minji’s contact pull up.</p><p>
  <em> “So I forgot to tell you one thing two nights ago.”  </em>
</p><p>Bora hums, taking a sip. “You forgot to tell me the person I’ve pined for years is going to be at the wedding.” When Minji doesn’t say anything, Bora laughs. “Babe, I know.” </p><p><em> “I’m sorry, Bora, they’re our friends too,” </em> Minji says, and her pout manages to make its way all the way from South Korea. <em> “I just… I just think Siyeon and Yubin should be there, you know? I’ll do everything to make sure you aren’t within fifty feet of each other. Yoohyeon too.” </em></p><p>Soho is busy at this hour, and Bora steps out of the theatre, fishing an empty box of cigarettes from her back pocket. The past few days have made her burn through it so quickly. “Minji, you really don’t have to worry about it, okay? I can handle it. She deserves to be there for you, too.” </p><p>Bora means it with all her heart. She’s not sure what seeing Siyeon in person after ten years is going to do to her, but she’s willing to find out for Minji and Handong. </p><p>Minji breathes a sigh of relief. <em> “Phew. God. I’m glad that’s out. Yoohyeon said the same thing.” </em></p><p>Yoohyeon, who had let out a few tears when she realized she’s seeing Yubin after ten years, too. That maybe she isn’t over her, after all this time. That maybe all her progress is going to be all for nothing. </p><p>But for the wedding, they’re willing to go through that again. </p><p>That’s one of the many things she, Minji, and Yoohyeon had one thing in common - they’d go through terrible things for the people they love. So of course Bora says yes. Of course Yoohyeon says yes. Had Minji been in their place, her answer would also be a resounding yes. </p><p>“We all want to be there, okay? This stupid thing that happened years ago won’t even matter.” </p><p>It kinda did, but Bora will try her hardest to make it seem otherwise. </p><p>That manages to convince Minji, at least for now. <em> “Alright. You got me. I’ll do my best to do damage control. Dongie, Gahyeon, and I will be there.” </em></p><p>That pulls a laugh from Bora. “Babe, Yoohyeon, and I are big girls. We can handle this. Just worry about making it the best day of your life thus far.”</p><p>It’s Minji and Handong’s special day and Bora will preoccupy herself with making it the best for the two of them. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “Do you think you’ll ever get married?” Minji shuts down her computer, where she and Bora had spent the past few hours completing her and Bora’s Pinterest boards for their future weddings. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe a future wedding that won’t happen for Bora.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She shrugs, lying on Minji’s bed. “I really don’t know, Minji. It’s kinda scary thinking one person is your endgame and working to make that happen. I mean divorce is always an option, but that’s hard too.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minji lies down beside her, staring up at her ceiling with polaroids of the seven of them, stuck to the surface. “Yeah, it’s scary. If it’s not for you, then it’s not for you,” she says. “I think it would be nice to have someone beside you for the rest of your life.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It would be nice. Bora hums in agreement, then laughs. “Maybe I’ll ask Siyeon. If all else fails she and I can tie the knot.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minji laughs too. “I think you two would be good together.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That’s the moment Bora notices the subtle warmth spreading in her stomach.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> A life with Siyeon. Maybe not married yet, but coming home to her and sleeping beside her and making her food she loves for the rest of their lives.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Oh dear.  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> Lee Yubin.  </em>
</p><p>Her finger hovers over <em> Search.  </em></p><p>Ten years, really, and Yoohyeon’s here again to look through her profile to find anything that points to her having a partner. Sometimes there were, and she would close the app right away. </p><p>Honestly, she’d be fine as long as she never saw them in person. </p><p>Right now, miraculously, she finds no sign of it. She breathes a sigh of relief that somehow feels like just a few stones off her chest, even if there’s still a massive collection of rocks resting upon it, weighing against her ribs. </p><p><em> “—about this color?” </em> Handong asks, and when Yoohyeon doesn’t reply, she calls out: “ <em> Hello? Yoohyeon?”  </em></p><p>That snaps Yoohyeon back to reality. “Oh, uh, yeah?” </p><p>Bora’s packing her stuff at the side. “She asked what colors the flowers that’ll decorate the arch should be,” she says, zipping her luggage closed. “The florist said they ran out of their initial order. I said pink and light orange would be cute.” </p><p>“Yeah, I agree,” Yoohyeon says, feeling a bit embarrassed, and hopes she wasn’t caught. </p><p><em> “Were you looking at Yubin’s profile?” </em>Handong says, squinting her eyes, and Yoohyeon’s cheeks heat up. Bora materializes beside her to take her phone and close the app for her. </p><p>“I was just checking if I should prepare myself to see her with a plus one!” Yoohyeon says, indignant, but Handong shakes her head even if she laughs.</p><p>“You could have asked Handong if she RSVPed for two people,” Bora says, unimpressed, handing back her phone to her.</p><p><em> Right. </em>“Sorry. I panicked.” </p><p>Handong looks at her, like she’s about to say <em>you know, you don’t have to go if it’s too much, </em> but they all know what Yoohyeon’s answer would be. As long as it’s Minji and Handong, she’s always there when they need her. </p><p><em> “Okay, pink and orange it is,” </em> Handong says, spends a few moments signing some quotations, and that’s that. Yoohyeon knows she and Minji have been downright stressed planning this whole thing, with Handong’s family being a usual thorn at their side, but they’re so close already. The fianceés barely look winded even if Yoohyeon is sure their brains are working on overdrive. <em> “I gotta go. Let me know if there are any changes in your flight, okay? We’ll be there at your ETA to pick you up. We’re so excited to see you!”  </em></p><p>Yoohyeon can’t help but feel the excitement. More than the ache from seeing Yubin the first time, her happiness and elation take precedence. </p><p>“I can’t sleep knowing I’ll see all of you again!” Bora says, her chin on top of Yoohyeon’s head. Handong grins, seeing the two of them in the frame. </p><p>She tries to shake the older girl off but the effort is futile. Yoohyeon settles for waving goodbye at the camera. They need to sleep if they want to make the flight. “We’ll keep you posted, bye!” </p><p>Then the call ends, and she and Bora lay shoulder to shoulder on Bora’s bed, their hands folded neatly on their diaphragms. </p><p>“Can you believe they’re getting married?” Yoohyeon asks. </p><p>Bora laughs a little, but it’s more a sigh than anything. “Yeah, I can, actually,” she says. “They fought really hard for everything and that led to this moment, you know? If they were straight, they wouldn’t have to go through all that.” </p><p>It’s true. Minji’s family had been over the moon while Handong’s had been… a little less ecstatic. It didn’t help that Handong’s family business is listed in the Forbes 400, and the wealth disparity - while it almost doesn't always bother them - were always made known by her family and never Handong. </p><p>This wedding is happening purely because she and Minji made it happen - their own money, their resources. A few of Handong’s family will be there but not her parents, which is for the better. Handong has shed enough tears about that throughout her childhood, but now she’s content having only people she loves and cares about at the ceremony. </p><p>Yoohyeon turns on her stomach, crushing Bora a bit, who complains. “Do you see yourself getting married?” </p><p>“At the tender age of twenty-seven?” Bora laughs, then it dies down just as fast. “Honestly… I really don’t know. It’s just so much work, you know? I haven’t found anyone who was worth that.” </p><p>Yoohyeon nods. Somehow, Bora settling down seemed like such a foreign, far-away idea. Not impossible, but just distant. She knows her best friend and the whole <em>commitment is a scam </em>front keeps her protected from people who can and have hurt her. </p><p>The two of them were the same. They love hard, fall hard, and sometimes it’s too much. Sometimes it hurts too much. </p><p><em> I think I’d like to be with someone who doesn’t think I’m too much, </em> Bora had said, tearfully, when they were much younger and too drunk to stand up. It was their first night in America, and Yoohyeon had cried so many tears, too. </p><p>“What about you?”</p><p>Yoohyeon lets out a breath, trying to rein in the memory of that moment. “Maybe.” </p><p>It’s true. Maybe marriage is a bit too much to ask, but… maybe a love that makes the hurt worth it would be a good place to start. </p><p>She tries not to think about how all those years ago, Yubin had been worth the hurt. </p><p>(She tries not to think about how she still is, even after all this time.) </p><p>Bora tucks her head into Yoohyeon’s shoulder, a familiar feeling. These intimate moments between them were always something she treasures as much as their banter and playful moments are. Somehow, talking to Bora about love makes her braver even when she’s afraid. “You’re kinda married to your work.” </p><p>There was so much work to do at the publishing house, now that Yoohyeon has finally submitted her first draft of the collection of translated short stories from Murakami that she barely spends time at home and brings Pie to work. But Bora’s one to speak; she practically lives in theaters with how demanded her creative direction is. “Says you. You could probably pop a ring to the stage and it would say yes.” </p><p>“You could kneel in front of your manuscripts and they would say yes.” </p><p>Yoohyeon laughs, feeling lighter already. Bora had been such a big part of her healing and support, and it’s not about to change now. </p><p>-</p><p>The plush seats of business class are so nice after having to fly economy for so long. It’s certainly going to do her back and legs good for the long hours they’re going to be seated, and Handong knows Yoohyeon’s struggle of having legs that are too long for the seats. </p><p>Yoohyeon leans back, settling comfortably. Bora’s doing the same in her seat right beside her. Handong and Minji insisted on better seats and the two of them did not turn down the opportunity to redistribute a little bit of Handong’s family wealth, which Handong absolutely does not mind at all. </p><p>“Do you think you’re ready to see her?” Bora laughs, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. There’s the sinking feeling again in Yoohyeon’s stomach, Somehow, Yoohyeon feels relieved she’s not alone in this. She’s never alone as long as she has Bora, and she knows she always will. </p><p>Both of them haven’t seen Siyeon and Yubin since graduation, and they’re about to in a few days. “God, no. Not even the slightest.” </p><p>It had taken years for the two of them to recover from whatever that had been, and Yoohyeon isn’t proud of the fact she’d let ten years pass without a single word, with ignored messages, with the entire archive of letters she could never send to Yubin. </p><p>The separation has burdened Bora in its own way, and Yoohyeon knows the guilt of doing what they did when they were stupid teenagers and thinking it was best for all of them back then also eat her up inside. </p><p>“Maybe Minji and Handong have cute friends we can go home with,” Bora says, and she lets go of the way she worries her lower lip between her teeth, flashing her signature mischief smile - somewhat dulled a few watts. “Fancy dinner if we end up on the same flight home?”</p><p>Yoohyeon laughs. “Okay, sure.” </p><p>“Pinky swear on it,” Bora extends her hand, and Yoohyeon twines their pinkies together in a promise. </p><p>At the end of the day, she has Bora, and that’s enough to keep her going on her lowest times. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “Do you want to get away from all this?” Bora asks, the night after their entrance exams. "Start again. Live in a new place. Meet new people." Yoohyeon had just put the phone down after Yubin had seen her texts and is taking some time to respond. She’d been taking much longer than usual to reply, and Yoohyeon needs some reassurance.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She knows Bora is probably feeling the same way. Things have been weird between her and Siyeon, too, and a bystander could probably spot it a mile away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everything feels so uncertain. For some reason, she just needs to talk to Yubin for things to feel real right now. Her ribs feel like they’re closing in, the more she thinks about the fact that sometimes it feels like Yubin is so distant, so far away, in her own world where Yoohyeon wasn’t invited to. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Which is weird. They’ve shared everything. They grew up together. Their legs have the same scars, growing up. Yoohyeon knows everything there is to know about Yubin and vice versa. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Right?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Where would we even go?” Yoohyeon asks, and for some reason, she feels like she’s on the verge of tears just talking to Bora.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She knows Bora shrugs on the other side of the phone. “I don’t know. Do you wanna shoot your shot at international universities? We have the grades for scholarships.”  </em>
</p><p><em> It’s not the first time Bora has suggested something outrageous. But for some reason, this feels within her reach - even if in reality it might be a shot in the dark. The older girl is right about their grades, though. It may not seem like it to other people, but Bora has one of the highest GPAs in their school, around the same as her own. They </em>can <em>score a scholarship if they try.  </em></p><p>
  <em> Her parents have brought it up and are willing to pay for her TOEFL. Bora says her parents are down to pay for it, too.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s insane, but Yoohyeon has always wanted to see the world outside of this town. Maybe she could write her own books, translate a few, and write about translating a few.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe Yubin would miss her. Maybe Yubin would be proud of her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe, maybe, maybe.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s insane, and Yoohyeon says yes. “I assume you have the application kits ready.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Bingo.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon inhales, then lets the breath out. “Send them over.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora squeals, and ends the call to do so. Yoohyeon reaches over for her laptop, to see Yubin’s Korean copy of The Elephant Vanishes. She’s been trying to translate it into English, but it’s been hard in between school paper publications and the entrance exam.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon tucks it under the bed, in the meantime, and receives a text from Bora that says: “SENT!!!!!!!!”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her stomach feels like it’s caving in on itself because the uncertainty is different now, but it’s different, and distracts her from the checkmarks that tell Yoohyeon Yubin isn’t reading her messages. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. bora & siyeon - made in the A.M.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>One of the things that keeps Bora awake at night is the fact that it had been her suggestion, and that maybe all of this wouldn’t have happened if she just knew better than to run away from things that scared her. </p><p>But there’s no excuse for the ten years. There’s no excuse for letting it slip away, and that’s on both of them. </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Suayeon chapter! </p><p>Cw smoking, underage drinking towards the end</p><p>Thanks to all the people who read this beforehand and boosted my confidence to finish this part!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her luggage thuds against the marble of the airport floor, and Bora hears it cutting through the cacophony of the airport. The carousel has cleared out and they should be heading out to see Minji and Handong at the waiting bay.</p><p>Her body is in the sort of overdrive it is whenever she’s jetlagged, and at this point, she can hear color. Yoohyeon looks about ready to fall over. </p><p>One would think after so many years of traveling the world, they’d get used to it, but alas. </p><p>“I feel like I’m having an out of body experience,” Yoohyeon mumbles, and Bora would have laughed at her big shades shielding her eyes if she had the energy. She only manages a smirk, which on a normal day is equivalent to her infamous, boisterous laughter.</p><p>“I’m already in the next dimension, what took you so long,” Bora replies, but she summons what’s left of her energy to push their luggage cart to the entrance for the two of them. </p><p> </p><p>Seeing Minji and Handong feels surreal, and holding them in her arms after so long even more so. In the middle of the waiting bay, they collide in an embrace - a mess of limbs and warmth and a little bit of crying from Minji and Yoohyeon. </p><p>The air smells the same. Minji and Handong still used pretty much the same perfume. They felt the same in her arms. They were a bunch of lanky teenagers trying to make it through adolescence and beginner’s algebra. </p><p>They’d seen each other last year when Minji and Handong visited, but it wasn’t enough. Now, Minji and Handong have matching silver bands digging into her skin with the tightness of their embrace. Now, Yoohyeon has several tattoos for a lot of significant events that happened since they left which she hasn’t had the chance to show. Now, Bora’s ears and nose are pierced as soon as her mom stopped caring about them.</p><p>Even after all these things have changed, for the first time since she left for America, Bora feels like she’s home. </p><p>They grab a quick meal to catch up at their favorite diner, which has been there since the beginning of time probably, but it was their favorite place to hang out after school. Minji and Handong sharing meals, Yoohyeon and Gahyeon writing essays together, Bora and Yubin and Siyeon arguing about which Nelly Furtado song was the best to play for their class presentation.</p><p>She and Siyeon loved this place. Bora can never forget Siyeon’s odd combos the staff never batted an eye about - fries and sundae, burger and chips - all of which Siyeon had seen in other American television shows. </p><p>Bora pushes the memory away, like she has been since she set foot back in this place. It’s always - <em> that’s where Siyeon used to park her pickup truck. That’s Siyeon’s favorite skate park. That’s Siyeon’s favorite record shop.  </em></p><p><em> Siyeon. Siyeon. Siyeon. </em> </p><p>With those came the guilt that takes over her stomach. She remembers the unread messages. The heartbreak on Siyeon’s face when she told her about the scholarship she’d accepted a month prior. </p><p>She can’t finish her food anymore. “Do you want this?” She says, pushing the leftovers to Minji, who has been eyeing it in the past thirty minutes. Minji doesn’t even say anything and just takes it. It’s nice to see that hasn’t changed about her, too. </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for coming to lunch with us, we know you’re tired,” Minji says, pulling over at the hotel she and Yoohyeon will be staying at for the rest of the holiday. It’s probably the pre-wedding glow because Handong looks back, looking just as radiant as Minji, who also smiles brightly at them.</p><p>Bora had missed them so much. </p><p>She wants to snark that she’s literally about to see the only person she’s ever loved again after all these years even if the regret has been killing her, just for the two of them, but Bora holds it in. They don’t need to know that.</p><p>(Bora knows that Minji and Handong and Yoohyeon already do.) </p><p>She settles with: “anything for you two, you know that,” which is one of the truest statements she could ever voice out. Anything they need, Bora will bend over backward to get it for them. </p><p>Minji smiles softly. “We know, Bora, and we feel the same. We’ll see you tomorrow at the fitting, okay?” She turns to Yoohyeon, who looks about ready to pass out. “Don’t be late.” </p><p>Bora gives them a lazy salute, crossing over to the front seat to give both of them kisses, before heading out and dragging Yoohyeon with her.</p><p> </p><p>She’s been running on zero sleep since a day ago, and for some reason, the exhaustion that plagued Bora’s body earlier today is gone. So she finds herself on the balcony of their suite, nursing some luxury beer she can’t pronounce and trying to will her body to relax if it won’t let her get some shut-eye on the nice but impersonal hotel beds. </p><p>The bed almost swallows Yoohyeon up, who is dead to the world. </p><p>Bora smiles. At least she’s getting some rest. God knows that this entire thing is weighing down on her, probably more so than Bora. </p><p>The fallout with Yubin had done a number on her, so did everything leading up to it. </p><p>One of the things that keeps Bora awake at night is the fact that it had been her suggestion, and that maybe all of this wouldn’t have happened if she just knew better than to run away from things that scared her. </p><p>But there’s no excuse for the ten years. There’s no excuse for letting it slip away, and that’s on both of them. </p><p>Against better judgment, Bora pulls out her phone and pulls up Siyeon’s profile. What has she been up to? Was she dating anyone? There weren’t any plus-ones as Minji had said, but was she seeing someone else? </p><p>Last she’d heard, she and Yubin had put up <em> Wolfbear Records </em>, produced and written for top music acts here at home. They both haven’t released solo things, but Bora knows if they wanted to, they could make it big here and abroad. </p><p>A notification comes in — from her assistant director, but it doesn’t seem too urgent and Bora lets it pass. When she swipes up to dismiss it, she accidentally presses on the message button, redirecting her to their message thread. </p><p>Their message thread, with the last bubble being from Siyeon in 2014, on Bora’s birthday. </p><p>
  <em> Idk where u are exactly rn but  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I just hope ur safe and healthy </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Happy birthday, Bora </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sorry.  </em>
</p><p>It feels unfair, and it is. It’s not Siyeon who needed to apologize. Siyeon never deserved any of this. Siyeon never deserved the radio silence. Siyeon never deserved having their plans canceled because Bora wanted to leave, to get away, to start anew because what had happened between them made her feel so unsure of herself. So uncertain. In the liminal space that made Bora want to run and hide and protect herself. </p><p>At the back of Bora’s head, she thinks: <em> you just keep proving to Siyeon that you’re too much, the way you are to everyone else. </em></p><p>For the first time since landing back at her hometown, Bora sits down onto the cold balcony floor to cry. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> They take a traffic cone on the night of graduation, and Bora and Siyeon run away while carrying the dirty cone of plastic outside of school premises, still dressed in their togas, and leave it in the school fountain.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It looks… hideous, sprouting water, but it makes them double over in laughter.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s nice to laugh with Siyeon like this. It’s always so easy to laugh with Siyeon.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Things have been so rocky and uncertain between them recently after that fight they had when she’d said she was accepting the scholarship — not because Bora was leaving, but because Bora didn’t tell her until a month later. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They’re doubled over until they sit on the pavement, their backs against the fountain marble, laughing until it dies out to giggles and sighs. Bora hesitates to lean her head on Siyeon’s shoulder.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She has never hesitated before, but she’s leaving soon. And the fight and cold shoulder they’d endured until Bora reached out with an olive branch in the form of wolf plushies…  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I can’t believe you’re really leaving,” Siyeon says, her voice low and quiet, and so sad. “Who else am I gonna find to do dumb shit if my dumb friends are taking up scholarships abroad?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora says nothing, she only leans closer.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The sound of the fountain against the traffic cone plastic, as well as the crickets chirping, are their only companions.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You’ll keep in touch, yeah?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora takes a moment. She’d thought that… maybe she can ask for some time to not talk. Maybe this would be the perfect opportunity to get over being so fucking in love with Lee Siyeon.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think I… I think I’ll get used to the life there first,” Bora says carefully. Her heart aches, when she lies: “but yeah, I’ll keep in touch.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Good.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ll miss you,” she says, truthfully, to balance out the lie. “I’ll miss your stupid pickup truck and its shitty radio.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Siyeon laughs, so delicate and melodious like chimes, and Bora doesn’t know what to do with the fact she’s one of the few people who hear it on a daily basis.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Each pinch Siyeon has on her skin is like a dagger to her heart. “I don’t think you understand how much I’ll miss you, Bboya,” the ache in her chest feels like her organs caving in, and Bora’s reminded why she needs the distance when Siyeon presses a kiss to her hair. “But I’ll miss you so goddamn much.” </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>A lot of things have changed about the town, like so many of their favorite places having closed down but there’s something about it that still feels the same. Something about it makes Bora feel the way she did when she was a teenager.  </p><p>Maybe it’s the people she recognizes. Maybe it’s the way Handong drives like a godless person. Maybe some of the most significant places in the town that still stand, are still there. There’s the infamous car wash beside a restaurant Minji claims to have the best burgers in the world. There’s the cinema. There’s the public library, where Yubin, Yoohyeon, Gahyeon, and Handong spent most of their time together. </p><p>Bora doesn’t miss the way Yoohyeon stares at it longingly, so she reaches over to hold her hand and hopefully give her a reassuring smile that it’s okay, this is all overwhelming, and it’s not going to stop anytime soon. </p><p>They grew up here. All of them did. Being back somehow felt right, even if it was hard, and being in the place where they all met meant the world to Minji and Handong, and getting married here - at their favorite place at the beach - was them saying, <em> look at us, look where we came from. We made it. </em></p><p>Bora can’t really blame them, can’t find it in herself to do so. </p><p>Given the chance, she’d love to come back to this town and remember what it was like to be a teenager again. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> Siyeon steps on the gas as soon as Bora stands, fitting her body into the roof of Siyeon’s pickup truck. Gahyeon, with her small stature, fits right in with her as she did with all of them despite being a few years younger. They were roughly the same grade because the girl was a genius, and they’d all fallen in love with her immediately.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora holds her hands up, feeling the breeze against her skin and her cheeks, and feels like nothing can ever hurt them here, tonight, at this very moment.  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>Only the five of them would be bridesmaids, and Bora isn’t at all surprised that Minji and Handong had picked out Monique Lhuillier dresses and pantsuits for all of them. Bora’s gorgeous short white dress with a lovely, arm-length lace pattern only needed a few adjustments. Their tastes are indisputable, and Bora appreciates that despite the ceremony being moderately small and intimate at their favorite beach, they’d invested a lot for it to look extremely good. </p><p>She admires herself in the mirror. At least she’ll look amazing when she sees Siyeon, or if she ends up with someone at the wedding. </p><p>Either way, the dress is immaculate - they really knew her taste - and Bora can’t wait to see Minji’s and Handong’s. </p><p>“You look beautiful,” Handong says, entering the room. Minji and Yoohyeon follow inside, smiling brightly.</p><p>Bora knows she’s beautiful but her friends saying it to her is somehow a completely different story, and her cheeks heat under the attention they all give her. “Please.” </p><p>Minji laughs, a hand on Bora’s shoulder, inspecting the dress. “So what do you think? Does this pass your standards?” </p><p>“It’s gorgeous,” Bora replies, running her hand against the material. “You know it does and you love it.” </p><p>The fianceés look particularly proud of themselves, and Yoohyeon steps in to help Bora step out of it while the other two set off to fetch Yoohyeon’s dress. “This really suits you,” her friend says, “I’m surprised it only needs a few alterations.” </p><p>Bora reaches behind to pinch her.</p><p>Before Yoohyeon unzips it and helps Bora out, she laughs her whistle-laugh, avoiding her pinch. “You always help me into mine but now the tables have turned.”</p><p>She laughs. It had always been her for the most part - Yoohyeon’s prom, Yoohyeon’s graduation, and countless other occasions. Bora almost enumerates it, almost wants to reminisce, but she knows what prom had been for the younger girl, so she keeps it to herself. </p><p>“Here’s yours, Yooh,” Handong says, stepping inside. Bora buttons up her blouse to give Yoohyeon - the lanky bastard she is - the space to step into it. </p><p>With Handong and Minji waiting for their dresses outside, Bora scrolls absently through her messages from the theater with her back to the wall while Yoohyeon changes, until she calls her attention. “Bora? Can you check if they have a size eight of the sandals?” </p><p>“Too small for your gigantic feet?” </p><p>“I’ll step on you with them, and yes.”</p><p>Bora rolls her eyes before turning to ask any of the people at the store if they have a bigger size, but her body collides with someone else - hard enough to send Bora and the stranger a few steps backward.</p><p>“Sorry,” Bora begins to apologize, straightening her clothes. She moves to pick up the accessories that have fallen. </p><p>“Why is meeting you always a safety hazard?” the voice is so familiar, and even after all these years, Bora could probably recognize it from a mile away. </p><p>It’s as if the entire world stops, and Bora’s heart drops to the pits of her stomach. </p><p>She looks up to see Siyeon, giving her a small, shy smile. Bora had seen pictures of her, but she doesn’t know why she’s surprised to see her much older, with sharper features that still feel ridiculously soft. Her hair is a bright shade of platinum, and her lips are fuller, and Bora thinks she’s staring but Siyeon has always been painfully beautiful, like an angel. </p><p>“Siyeon,” Bora says, and speaking feels foreign with the way her throat feels so dry and constricted with what she feels is the ten years of separation, the ten years of guilt. </p><p>“That’s me,” She laughs, and it’s like wind chimes. Bora’s too stunned to move, so it’s Siyeon who picks up the fallen items. “Long time, huh? I was surprised you recognized me.” </p><p><em> I’ll always recognize you, </em> Bora almost says, but she just kneels there, mortified, staring at Siyeon who only smiles at her as if nothing had happened. </p><p>She wants to say so many things, <em> what are you doing here? Are you angry at me? I don’t think I can do anything to apologize for what happened, </em>but the best she comes up with is: “You changed your hair.” </p><p>Siyeon laughs, running her hands through it. “Yeah. You changed yours too. I think you look pretty.” </p><p>Bora feels her heart breaking into pieces, and she can’t say anything else, can’t look at Siyeon even. It feels like the ground underneath her feet crumbling into pieces. </p><p>After what feels like hours, she hears Minji call out a very panicked but somehow very excited: <em> “Siyeon!” </em> </p><p>The two of them turn to Minji, who gives them a very embarrassed smile. Thankfully, Siyeon stands to embrace Minji and lift her a little bit. Bora knows they see each other more often, but Siyeon always greets the six of them like that.</p><p><em> Used to</em>, for her, anyway. </p><p>“What are you doing here? Your and Yubin’s fitting is tomorrow!” </p><p>Siyeon gasps. “Oh, for real? Let me check,” she pulls out her phone and checks her messages. “Ah, dang. You’re right. I’ll come back with Yubin tomorrow.” </p><p><em> “Siyeon?!” </em> exclaims Yoohyeon, who, in her dress, tackles the other girl enough to send her back a few steps. “You’re here!” </p><p>Siyeon laughs, wrapping her arms around Yoohyeon, and Bora has to look away from the intimacy the two had. If she remembers correctly, Siyeon had been Yoohyeon’s first friend when she moved here. “You knew I was coming.”</p><p>“But still!” </p><p>It’s too much for Bora, and she ducks out with a quick, quiet, “excuse me,” before heading outside at the back for a smoke. </p><p>It’s too much. </p><p> </p><p>She burns through three cigarettes when Yoohyeon sits beside her on the curb. Bora stubs it as soon as she could, blowing smoke in the other direction, out of courtesy. </p><p>She never smokes when she’s around them. </p><p>“Sorry I hugged her,” Yoohyeon starts, hugging her knees. “I also needed to take off the dress before I came here.”</p><p>Bora laughs at the idea of Yoohyeon sitting with her on this curb in a $1500 dress. “It’s fine, I just needed some time alone,” she says, honestly. The ache in her heart hasn’t subsided, and Siyeon’s face so close to hers is so difficult to wipe from her memory.</p><p>She reckons sleep tonight won’t come too easily. “And you really don’t need to say sorry, yeah? She’s your friend too.”</p><p>Yoohyeon leans her head on Bora’s shoulder. “But you’re my friend too.”</p><p>“I know, and that matters to me more than you know,” Bora tells her, sighing. “Where is she?” </p><p>“Minji and Handong took her out to lunch to distract her since her fitting really was for tomorrow. They were so worried about you - you weren’t answering their texts.” </p><p>She fishes her phone out of her pocket to see <em> Minji (15 unread texts) </em> and <em> Handong (7 unread texts) </em>. “Oh. I’ll text them back in a bit, I just need to…” She doesn’t know what she needs. </p><p>Yoohyeon reaches over to hold her hand to tell her that even if she doesn’t know, she and the rest of her friends are there. </p><p>“I’m scared to see Yubin,” her friend admits, and Bora sighs, tightens her hold on Yoohyeon’s hand.</p><p>There’s nothing they can do, and Bora knows she’ll be there for Yoohyeon when it happens.</p><p> </p><p>Bora is at the balcony again, nursing light beer for tonight. She can’t sleep. Today was too much. </p><p>Her phone lights up with a notification, and she expects it to be Minji, apologizing again for today despite doing so profusely over dinner. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Siyeon</b>
</p><p>
  <em> It was nice seeing you today  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> See you around at the wedding :)  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sorry again </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes well up with tears, but they don’t fall.</p><p>She hates that Siyeon’s last message from 2014 also ended with an apology. </p><p>Bora shuts off her phone and finishes the rest of her drink trying to decompress the way her ribs feel like it’s closing in on her lungs. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “Ouch!”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora sits on the sand, and she’s sure to get an earful from her sister when she comes home with a dusty school skirt. She just wanted to use the slide, but when she was running towards the ladder, someone stood in the way trying to catch a ball.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oh, sorry,” the other kid says, and Bora looks up at her. She has a round face, and she’s seen her around quite often but not a lot of times. The kid had been pretty lonely until Yoohyeon and Yubin reached out to her. She holds out her hand to help Bora up. “Here, I’ll help you up.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon and Yubin run towards her, and Yoohyeon laughs a little before dusting off Bora’s skirt with Yubin. “Are you okay?” When Bora shoves her playfully, Yoohyeon laughs. “This is Siyeon by the way! Siyeon, this is Bora.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Siyeon looks away, suddenly looking shyer than she actually is. “Come on, don’t be shy, she doesn’t bite,” Yubin nudges Siyeon towards her, then purses her lips in thought. “Well, she kinda does. But only people she doesn’t like.” Another pause. “Okay, that’s not true but she’s nice, we promise!”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora picks up the ball and gives it to her in a peace offering. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That’s when Siyeon grins at her, and she’s missing a canine tooth, but she takes the ball from Bora’s hands.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The rest is history.  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>“Okay, I think I’m ready,” Minji says from the other side of the fitting room door. “I’m so nervous and I’m just showing <em> you </em>.” </p><p>Bora laughs, knocking. “Well, I have a paper bag with me if you want to hurl.” </p><p>“Ugh, don’t even start,” laughs Minji, and then lets Bora in. </p><p>The dress is long and it covers Minji’s legs save for a slit that goes up to her right hip. The expensive material is held up by two thin straps that show off Minji’s immaculate collarbones. There’s barely any train since this is a simple beach wedding, but it’s still elegant and fitting for a bride. Lhuillier looks amazing on Minji, there’s no doubt about it. </p><p>“What do you think?” Minji asks, and suddenly it feels so unreal they’re turning twenty-eight soon, with Minji getting married to the person she had fought for. As if it had only been yesterday they were seatmates on the first day of school, awkward teenagers trying to fight off acne, and adults trying to navigate the terrors of the job market and taxes. </p><p>Before she knows it, there are tears streaking down her cheeks. She only feels it when Minji laughs, then her face crumples to cry, too. </p><p>Minji sits and Bora does the same beside her in a stupid sobbing mess. Even when she cries, Minji is ridiculously pretty. </p><p>When her heart doesn’t feel like it’s caving in on itself and the sobbing has subsided into sniffles. Bora reaches into her purse to give some tissue to Minji, who takes it with a laugh. </p><p>“I don’t know if you know this, but Dongie is so lucky,” she says bumping the side of her head against Minji’s. “And so are you.” </p><p>If Bora were being honest, anyone who fell in love was lucky. It was a game of chance, but it always needed work to get it to last. </p><p>“I know,” Minji replies, sighing. She takes Bora’s hands in hers. “I keep saying it but I’m glad you’re here.” </p><p>Bora squeezes back. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “I think I’m going to tell Dongie I’m in love with her.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oh?” Bora smiles. The two have gotten exceptionally close during college, and have been toeing around each other for the longest time. It was honestly quite painful to watch already. “What made you decide?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minji sighs on the other end of the phone. It’s a bit late back home, but Bora has time, and she never turns down calls from Minji the same way Minji never does, too. God knows how many times she had called her, crying about Siyeon - back home and here in America.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t know, I just… she makes me feel brave. I know I make her feel brave too.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Then tell her.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora would have said the same thing to her stubborn sixteen-year-old self. Tell Siyeon, tell her you love her, risk being rejected because at least she knows.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She wasn’t brave enough then, and she isn’t brave enough now. Bora wasn’t ready to lose Siyeon if her answer was no. She wasn’t ready to lose Siyeon if her answer was yes too, maybe along the way. Maybe Siyeon would get sick of her just the way her sister was of her then-boyfriend of seven years.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Now, in a foreign place and several time zones apart, Bora lost her anyway.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Okay,” Minji says, and Bora admires her so much for her courage. Her and Handong’s courage, even with the entire situation of Handong’s family and their expectations of her looming above their heads. “I’m going to tell her I love her and see where that takes us.”  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>“Yubin will be there tomorrow,” Yoohyeon says, staring at the ceiling of their hotel. “At lunch.” </p><p>Turning her body towards Yoohyeon on the other bed, Bora tucks her head under her hands. “You don’t have to go.” </p><p>“But I want to.” </p><p>“Not at the cost of your sanity.” The only reason Bora was going is Siyeon would be skipping to visit her own family in town. For her mom’s birthday, if Bora recalls correctly. </p><p>Yoohyeon sighs, conceding. “Okay, alright. I’ll see. I’ll just decide tomorrow if I can.” She bites her lip. “I told Minji and Handong if I could leave if she was there and they were fine with it.” </p><p>Bora shakes her head at how stubborn Yoohyeon is to prove something to someone, especially herself. “Yeah, they’re not gonna make you stay there if it’s killing you.” She reaches out, her arm half dangling on the space between their beds. Yoohyeon reaches over, tangling their fingers together. “Whatever happens, I’ll be there.” </p><p> </p><p>Bora isn’t surprised that Yubin, among all people, is early. It’s been exactly ten years since she’d seen her, and she looks... </p><p>Somewhat the same. Her face, still a little bit round at the cheeks. The same, droopy eyes but a little bit sharper, harder. Still handsome as ever. </p><p>Yubin looks up from talking to a cousin of Minji’s, ever the social butterfly, her eyes lighting up already. Despite that, she doesn’t make a move to stand; Yubin only smiles. It’s not hard to imagine she’s a different person from the girl who had hated affection from all of them except Siyeon, and the girl who had looked Bora in the eyes all those years ago and was brave enough to ask what she was running from.</p><p>That’s always been them. The brutal honesty of it all had been something that kept Bora sane when they were young, and during the moments of separation. Sometimes Bora finds it hard to believe it was so hard for sixteen-year-old Yubin to talk to Yoohyeon about whatever they needed to.</p><p><em> Or whatever they need to, </em> Bora thinks as an afterthought. </p><p>“I know what you’re thinking,” is the first thing she says, finally standing up to greet Bora. “You can hug me.”</p><p>Bora doesn’t need to be told twice so she wraps her arms around Yubin, but she also doesn’t miss the way Yubin looks around purposefully - most likely looking for Yoohyeon who had opted to stay at home, she reckons. </p><p>“You smell like cigarettes,” Yubin tells her, a little bit out of breath from Bora’s hold.</p><p>“<em>You </em> smell like cigarettes,” Bora retorts, and the tiny hum from Yubin tells her they’re at a stalemate. </p><p>Minji and Handong see them, waving from the other end of the table, entertaining other guests. They pad over to say hi after some time, to catch up with Yubin and tease Bora for crying at Minji’s fitting. </p><p>Neither of the two mentions Yoohyeon’s whereabouts. Siyeon’s, too. </p><p> </p><p>“I’d ask you how you’ve been doing but you’re kind of a big shot now and I see you everywhere,” Bora tells her, sipping her drink. “Wolfbear Records is putting out excellent music for top acts.” Hit after hit, for a relatively new company. “You guys are doing great.”</p><p>Yubin laughs, shy. “Yeah? You keeping tabs on us?” </p><p>Bora nods. Even if it had been she still did. like treading mines, she had listened to their stuff and saw them around the music circles and discussions, even if the mention of Siyeon always feels like a glass shard in her heart. </p><p>“Can’t help it,” is all she says, and Yubin gives her a small, sad smile. </p><p>It looks like she wants to say more, like she wants to ask about how Bora is doing, and maybe something about Yoohyeon, and the silence is almost awkward until Yubin’s eyes leave hers to look past Bora’s shoulder and her expression shifts from pleasant to… </p><p>Bora turns in her seat to see Yoohyeon, standing at the entrance of the restaurant, her eyes locked on Yubin. She’s frozen where she is, and Bora’s stomach drops at the realization that maybe Yoohyeon had thought she could finally see Yubin, after all these years, only to find out she can’t. </p><p>Bora can’t read the hard line of Yubin’s mouth, and the way her frown is both sad and angry. Then it’s gone. Then it’s just the neutral, aloof expression as she looks away.</p><p>It happens too quickly, but Yoohyeon turns away to run in the other direction just as her face crumples up and cries, and Bora is out of her seat to go after her. </p><p>Handong and Minji must have noticed too, and Bora hears Handong say - “stay for the guests, I got this,” with a hand to her fianceé’s shoulder. Minji nods, unconvinced and still worried, as Bora and Handong run out of the restaurant and after Yoohyeon. </p><p> </p><p>“Dongie, I’m so sorry,” Yoohyeon sniffs in Bora’s and Handong’s arms. She wipes the crumbled tissue under her eyes, gathering the tears. “I know I said no drama spiral but…” </p><p>Handong clucks her tongue, fishing for more tissue to give to Yoohyeon. “You also know I told you there’s nothing to apologize for,” she says gently. “Minji and I have planned for all the worst scenarios and this is far from it, you hear?”</p><p>Handong looks up at Bora and gives her a smile, as if extending the sentiment to her, and she’s an angel, really. Both she and Minji are. </p><p>Yoohyeon nods, leaning into them a little more. “I thought I was ready.” </p><p>Rubbing her back, Bora sighs. “You just saw her for the first time after ten years, okay? Don’t be too hard on yourself,” she knocks the side of her head against the younger girl’s. “And if you aren’t ready, don’t force yourself to be.” </p><p>That’s when Yoohyeon tears up. “I just want to get better and say I’m sorry,” her voice breaks, and Bora’s heart does the same. “Why is it so hard?” </p><p>Handong and Bora only embrace her tighter until she’s ready to go back to the hotel with Bora. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> Someone takes a seat beside her, and the lack of sound is very telling.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If you’re here to annoy me by saying I can hug you and then take it back, you can go find Minji,” Bora says, albeit without any venom.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin chuckles beside her, leaning back, observing Siyeon, Yoohyeon, and Gahyeon playing frisbee on the empty field. It was half-past nine, but the stadium lights were still open, and they decided to hang out here while Minji and Handong attended a boring family dinner. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There’s silence, and then — “have you told her?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It makes Bora’s heart trip on itself. She must look guilty as she is, so she doesn’t face Yubin. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> A part of Bora really doesn’t; it could either be because of the whole ‘tell Siyeon you’re in love with her but so painfully afraid of losing her’ or the ‘tell Siyeon you got accepted to Juilliard with a hundred percent scholarship in a few months’.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Either way, her answer is a simple: “no, not really.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin hums. “She’s not going to stop you.”  </em>
</p><p><em> “I know that.” Siyeon isn’t going to stop her, but Bora knows deep in her soul she’ll be upset after they’ve planned to live together or at least nearby, but Bora doesn’t think she can handle that - being </em> this <em> in love with her, the same way she has been for a good one and a half years.  </em></p><p>
  <em> Yubin turns to look at her, straight in the eye, and Bora isn’t given enough time to brace herself. “So what are you running away from?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That makes all the thoughts in Bora’s head come to a halt. Yubin purses her lip, knowing she’d struck a nerve.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora wants to run far away, but she’s doing that already. Maybe some courage would do her good; some courage to tell Yubin the truth. “From this town,” she says, partially honest. There was so much of the world to see, and this town feels like it would suck her in if she didn’t at least try.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Then again there were so many traces of Siyeon - a reason to stay but also a reason to leave. She watches Siyeon tumble into the grass, laughing, as Yoohyeon tries to pry the frisbee from her arms.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin hums again. “I get that,” she says and doesn’t press further even if she seems unconvinced - which is valid, because Bora’s excuse is flimsy. Yubin knows about her and Siyeon, had known without Bora telling her anything. “I’m proud of you and Yoohyeon.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She picks at her shoelace. “Have you told her that?” The other girl’s silence tells her everything. “You have to tell her these things, Yubin. We’ve been through this before.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin leans on her knees, watching Yoohyeon run with the frisbee, and Gahyeon trying to tackle her with the might of seven thousand terrifying warriors. “I know. It’s hard. I can’t figure her out and she’s my best friend.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Oh, Bora would be damned if she didn’t know what that feels like.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Silence, only the sound of the crisp autumn air whistling around them and their friends playing. She wishes Handong and Minji were here with them instead of that uptight family dinner at Handong’s family company.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You should take your own advice,” Yubin teases, which earns her a flick to the arm.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Brat.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “That’s saved for Yoohyeon.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora rolls her eyes. “It’s for you, too,” she says, then sighs, taking a sip from her juice box. “It would mean so much to her if you tell her these things, you emotionally-stunted idiot.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin raises her juice box to her. “I’d say the same to you.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They watch the commotion in silence until Minji asks Bora to pick her up at the dinner.  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>Bora sees the pink hair before anything else, standing out in the cool colors of the hotel lobby, and she tries her best to sneak up on the girl sitting, focused on a book and making gestures with her fingers that Bora knows too well. </p><p>She leans against the couch, Gahyeon barely noticing anything amiss, until: “Ma’am, Chess world champions must wait at the VIP lounge,” Bora jokes, and Gahyeon turns - her hair hitting Bora a little bit in the face - her face brighter than the sun. </p><p>“Bora!” She exclaims, and it echoes through the lobby and damages Bora’s eardrums a little bit. She climbs off the couch, rushing to Bora to pull her in a crushing embrace which Bora returns twice as hard. </p><p>It hasn’t been long since they last saw each other, with Gahyeon traveling to America often for chess tournaments left and right, winning so many of them. But Bora can never have enough Gahyeon in her life, and meeting up for lunch or dinner is always fun. </p><p>“Have you been waiting long? It’s just the two of us now since Yoohyeon is at Dongie’s fitting,” Bora asks, barely audible because of the way her face is buried in Gahyeon’s hair. </p><p>Gahyeon shakes her head, pulling away only to tug Bora towards the hotel’s exit, “Come on, I’m starving!” </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, calm down, the steak is still going to be there,” Bora laughs, watching Gahyeon dig in. Somehow, she’d made a pact with the food-based God that she’d always buy Gahyeon food. She obviously did not take into consideration that Gahyeon would be earning millions from her winnings as one of the top chess players in the world. </p><p>“Not when I fell asleep on the plane and rushed all the way here to see you,” she says, and Bora hopes that her childish charm never wears off. “How have you been?” </p><p>“You saw me a month ago.” </p><p>Gahyeon rolls her eyes. “No, I mean with the whole…” she gestures vaguely around her, and Bora laughs. </p><p>Bora sighs, taking a sip from her wine. “It’s… a lot. For me and Yoohyeon. Just as we anticipated.” </p><p>Their youngest pouts in sympathy, reaching out to touch Bora’s hand. Surprisingly, Gahyeon had given her a lot of comfort when they were younger, wise beyond her age which always had them in awe. </p><p>She tells Gahyeon of the encounter at the dressing room, and the message Siyeon had sent that night. Bora leaves out Yoohyeon seeing Yubin, deciding it was for Yoohyeon to tell if she wanted to. </p><p>Gahyeon pulls a face, then whistles. “That’s heavy stuff. Think the reception is going to be awkward?” </p><p>Bora shrugs. She doesn’t know at this point. Maybe as long as Siyeon won’t talk to her or be fifty feet within each other’s radius, she’ll be fine. “I don’t know,” she replies truthfully. “Sorry you’re always getting dragged into messes like this.” </p><p>“It’s okay,” Gahyeon tells her, then pauses, pursing her lips. “Well, it’s not, but life is messy like that, you know? Things like this happen. You sort of just have to decide if you’re going to do something about it or leave it be.” </p><p><em> Decide if you’re going to do something about it, </em> Bora repeats in her head, <em> or leave it be. </em> Gahyeon, as usual, is right. </p><p>Bora smiles, feeling her heart expand with a fondness for their youngest, and in true <em> her </em> fashion, she reaches over to steal some of her fries, which Gahyeon absolutely hates. “Hey!” </p><p>She only grins, cheeky as ever, and takes a sip of some more wine before putting it down. “I should ask <em> you </em> how you’re feeling that you’re seeing Siyeon again.” </p><p>Gahyeon rolls her eyes. Bora is really never letting her crush on Siyeon back in high school down. “Please, I’ve been over her for years.” </p><p>Bora raises a brow and Gahyeon gives in. “Okay, but she’s still ridiculously cute. I kind of hate it.” </p><p>She laughs, raising a glass to a tiny toast that Gahyeon meets. “Cheers to that.” </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> Bora puts her phone down again, probably for the tenth time in the last seven minutes. Gahyeon taps her pencil, looking at her inquisitively, intrigued but not saying anything as Bora shakes her head and combs her hair with her fingers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Uh…” She says when Bora sighs. “Everything alright?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora sighs, crossing her arms. She can’t focus on their tutoring lessons now, and it’s not like Gahyeon needs it anyway - she’s just an overachiever looking for company tonight. “Oh, oh yeah. Splendid.” That doesn’t seem to convince her, so Bora sighs. “It’s Siyeon and she’s…”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Upset? Angry? She doesn’t know. Siyeon can be pretty hard to read, and it didn’t help that she gave her the cold shoulder this morning, and is ignoring her text messages asking if she’d gotten home safely.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Is it the Juilliard thing?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora nods, twirling her pen and not meeting Gahyeon’s eyes. “Yeah. I only told her I accepted it yesterday, despite confirming my slot a month ago.” Gahyeon makes a ‘yikes’ face and Bora groans. “Yeah, I know, real shit of me. She’s happy, but also upset I only told her recently. I tell her everything. ”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Almost everything, she tells herself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I mean, did you have your reasons?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The twirling of the pen stops. Did she? She was just afraid of telling Siyeon that she was in love, and their plans for the future — college, post-grad, and beyond that were terrifying to have because she was so in love with Siyeon and she didn’t have the courage to tell her and then lose her. Bora wouldn’t be strong enough.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She was afraid of telling Siyeon she’s terrified of her own feelings for her.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah,” she says simply, “was pretty scared.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She doesn’t elaborate, and Gahyeon doesn’t press further, but Bora knows her interest is piqued.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Honestly, if Bora understood her own need to up and run away from this whole thing, she would have told her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But alas, she did not. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p>“So our friends are really getting married, huh?”</p><p>“Stay still,” Bora tells her, and it’s incredibly nostalgic that she still does Yoohyeon’s makeup after all of these years. She wouldn’t have it any other way. “And yes, they are. It’s crazy, isn’t it? Sometimes it feels unreal to me and I’m not even the one tying the knot.” </p><p>Yoohyeon does stay still, looking up as Bora finishes with her eyeliner. “We were just kids, and now we’re not.” </p><p>Bora hasn’t felt like a kid since she’d left home. She knows Yoohyeon feels the same. “No,” she says, capping the eyeliner pen. “We’re not kids anymore.” </p><p>She taps Yoohyeon to turn around and look at herself in the mirror. “What do you think?”</p><p>Yoohyeon admires her makeup, and it’s not always she admits: “wow, I look so pretty.” </p><p>Bora taps her shoulder in admonishment. “You’re always pretty. Shut up.” </p><p>The younger girl doesn’t seem like she agrees, and Bora will spend the rest of her life convincing Yoohyeon that she’s <em> beautiful </em> until she believes it. </p><p>“Got the tissue?” Yoohyeon asks, and Bora brandishes it from her tiny white purse to go with her dress. “Alright, let’s go meet our blushing brides.” </p><p> </p><p>Bora straightens the strap of Minji’s dress and the white flower tucked behind her ear, at the back of the Mercedes parked on the road just by the beach. Handong’s car is coming in shortly, and Yoohyeon is with her. </p><p>“You good?” She asks, and if Minji didn’t look like she was about to throw up on her shoes, she would have laughed or teased her about it. </p><p>“I feel like I’m going to throw up on your shoes,” confirms Minji, and Bora moves her feet away even as she moves a little closer to Minji to place her hands on her shoulders. “But like, in a good way.” </p><p>That’s when Bora does laugh, and Minji joins in too. “You fought so hard for this. Both of you did.” </p><p>Minji tears up a little bit and Bora has a square piece of tissue to dab it away even if they’d made sure the brides would have waterproof makeup on. </p><p>“We did,” Minji says, then takes Bora in a sweet embrace. “Thank you.” </p><p>Bora doesn’t know why Minji thanks her, but Bora accepts it anyway. She returns the embrace, kisses Minji’s forehead, and then helps Minji out of the limousine. </p><p>Everyone cheers as they dash across the sand to make their way to the altar, where the four of them and the officiate wait, and the Rolls Royce Handong’s cousin drives pulls up behind the limo, and everyone waits with bated breath. </p><p>Yoohyeon steps out of the car, giving everyone a thumbs up, before walking towards them to find her place too. </p><p>Then the door opens, and everyone falls silent, watching as Handong walks with the gorgeous bouquet of flowers in her hands, her arms linked with Yubin - who looks exceptionally dashing today in a loose, white suit that Bora says a little prayer to whoever will listen for Yoohyeon to be strong. Handong manages to look like something out of a fairytale even in her simple dress, her strong features and red hair striking and bold and dramatic. </p><p>The golden sun makes the entire scene something out of a dream, making Handong’s gorgeous red hair almost shine, and the way Handong and Yubin walk slowly towards them to the tune of the band softly playing <em> Can’t Help Falling In Love </em> and the waves by the sea crashing against each other gently feels so surreal and beautiful. </p><p>Minji’s eyes never leave Handong’s even for a  fleeting moment, and it feels like such an honor to be allowed to witness such an intimate moment, and Bora turns to find that Handong - whom she’d seen cry approximately five times - has tear streaks staining her cheeks, but she’s smiling and looking at Minji as if they were the only two people in the room. </p><p>It’s the same look Handong gives Minji when she thinks she isn’t looking, and she still gives her the same look when Minji <em> does </em> meet her eyes. The same adoring look, even as they endured so much pressure from Handong’s family, or the brief separation their work brought upon them. </p><p>“I’m the luckiest woman on earth,” is what Minji says, her voice breaking, when Handong steps closer to Minji. </p><p>“That’s a coincidence because I thought I’d take that title,” Handong replies, still looking like a supermodel even if her nose is a bit red. Greasy as ever, and Bora can’t help but roll her eyes despite the tears falling. </p><p>Minji and Handong face each other, despite the tears, and the ceremony starts. </p><p>Past Minji’s shoulder and Handong, Bora sees Siyeon, watching the brides with teary eyes. She looks incredibly handsome too, in the loose suit Minji and Handong had picked out for her, her platinum hair painted golden by the sunset, wisps being blown in different directions from the wind. </p><p>She looks so beautiful, and Siyeon notices Bora looking at her. Bora feels embarrassed because her eyes are red from crying, but she feels her heart cave in when she holds their eyes. She smiles delicately, her eyes soft, and Bora doesn’t deserve any of this from her. </p><p>Siyeon squints her eyes playfully, making a ‘tear’ gesture by dragging her pointer finger down her cheek, and Bora feels herself laugh.</p><p>She misses it when Siyeon makes her laugh; misses it so goddamn much. It’s too much to handle, and she looks away, tries to focus on the ceremony, but fails to do so for the rest of its duration.</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “There.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora brandishes a mirror and shows it to Yoohyeon to look at herself. Bora had picked out her dress, done her makeup and hair, and she looks absolutely stunning in her prom dress. Siyeon puts an arm around Bora, gasping when she sees Yoohyeon, touching her face delicately.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You look so pretty, Yoohyeon-ah!” Siyeon says, loudly, and Bora smiles as Yoohyeon blushes under their attention.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If Yubin doesn’t think you’re the most beautiful girl in the room,” Bora says, straightening her dress for her. “Then she’s an idiot.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ll knock some sense into her,” Siyeon adds, giving her a thumbs up.   </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Bora and Siyeon watch from the seats, their dresses a bit itchy. Siyeon didn’t really like wearing them, and she looks painfully uncomfortable halfway through the night.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon had won Prom Princess, and she can’t find her and Yubin anywhere, so Bora hopes for the best. Minji and Handong have successfully paired up for the couples dance, effectively ditching Handong’s prom date - whom her parents had set her up with, and Gahyeon dances sweetly from a sophomore student named Dahyun.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The thought of being so close to Siyeon, dancing to slow songs, makes Bora’s heart swoop in her chest. Maybe they can do that when Siyeon wears clothes she’s comfortable with.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Wanna dip?” Siyeon asks, seeing their friends preoccupied. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Thought you’d never ask.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Bora doesn’t change out of her dress, but she wears her matching beat-up sneakers with Siyeon, who’s dressed in her tight jeans and favorite Joy Division shirt, looking more in her element and definitely feeling like herself. Their legs hang off Siyeon’s pickup truck, swinging as they ate those greasy chicken burgers from the local diner.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You look really pretty today,” Siyeon says, her mouth full, and Bora laughs and shoves her a little bit.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Why don’t you say that again when you don’t have a half-masticated chicken in your pie hole?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Siyeon swallows and says it again. “I said you look really pretty today,” she grins. “I could kiss you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There goes Siyeon, who promises these things and doesn’t push through. Doesn’t do anything. Bora doesn’t know what to make of it. It’s said lightly and quite often, and Bora has never been brave enough to do something for both of them.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What if Siyeon never meant it the way Bora wants? What if Siyeon hates her if she acted on it? What if she loses this because she can’t take a fucking joke and some very characteristic light flirting from her best friend?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora feels her heart weigh heavier in her chest, unlike how she lightly says: “maybe you should.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Siyeon laughs, and as predicted, doesn’t make a move. She only keeps her eyes on Bora, a smile on her lips, sipping from their shared strawberry milkshake.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Silence settles over them, and Bora looks up at the night sky, leaning back. Not even the harsh light of the convenience store bleeding into the parking lot can dim the stars in the sky.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Do you think I’m too intense?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She looks at Siyeon, whose brows furrow. “Not at all. Nothing I can’t handle anyway.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora looks at her, raising a brow. “You mean that?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her best friend nods, setting down the disposable cup. “I… I think I could spend my life trying to know you and always discovering something new,” she says, but doesn’t meet Bora’s eyes. “I mean everything I say. You know I can’t lie to you,” there’s a pause and she looks up at Bora. “Not about us, anyway.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora wants to kiss her, wants to make good of Siyeon’s flirtation whether she means it or not, wants to finally cross the line that Bora has been so scared of crossing because she knows if she does, there’s no turning back, and she isn’t sure she can handle losing Siyeon if she fucks up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But she loves Siyeon, and she always has, and— </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Guys?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They’re broken from their trance to see Yoohyeon, her makeup and hair a mess and her eyes red. It’s enough for Siyeon and Bora to hop off and come closer, Yoohyeon crumpling in their arms - her prom sash glitter sticking uncomfortably to Bora’s skin.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yoohyeonie?” Bora asks, her heart rate racing with worry and panic. “What happened? Did someone hurt you?” She checks for bruises or scabs but finds none, so she wipes away some of the tears that do fall.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Siyeon wraps an arm around Yoohyeon protectively, and Bora loves that about her so much.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon shakes her head, “I wanted to tell Yubinnie how I felt, but…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She doesn’t get to finish her sentence, because Yoohyeon bursts into tears. Siyeon and Bora can only wipe it away and help her regulate her breathing.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p>Bora stands, holding her champagne flute in her hand as she’s passed the mic. “The only reason I went first was that I miserably lost ten rounds of rock-paper-scissors with Yoohyeon over there,” she points to Yoohyeon, who waves triumphantly. The audience laughs, and Bora introduces herself. “Hi, if you didn’t know, I’m Kim Bora and I’m the reason these two got together in the first place.”</p><p>Minji laughs and interjects. “It’s true!” </p><p>“Due to reasons I will not specify, I wanted to play Seven Minutes In Heaven, and somehow that actually sparked something between the two of them,” she says, and Handong flicks her behind even if there’s a wide smile on her face at the recollection. “The two were locked in a room, but they didn’t kiss - for some odd reason - and just spent those seven drawn-out minutes like, cuddling. Ridiculous.” </p><p>The audience laughs at that. “I teased them about it for <em> days. </em> I teased them for <em> days, </em> and called Minji <em> chicken shit </em> for that -- oh, sorry, I can swear right?” Handong gives her a thumbs-up sign and Minji shakes her head. Bora ignores them. “So I feel kind of like a hypocrite coming up here to talk about how they’re probably one of the bravest people I know. Good thing I’m a proud hypocrite.” It’s Minji’s turn to pinch her, but she’s laughing and crying a little bit. </p><p>“I don’t know how to tell you that these two women who were wed before all of us are one of the bravest people I know,” She doesn’t need to get into the details of how hard they’d fought just to be together and to put up this wedding, despite Handong’s family’s disapproval. She doesn’t even need to bring that up, and she doesn’t want to. </p><p>Right now, this is a celebration about them <em> winning</em>. </p><p>“And I’m just so happy I was there to see it bloom and endure what life has thrown at them, and I hope I’ll be there to see it last,” Bora says, smiling at Minji and Handong, their hands with matching rings clasped around each other, looking up at her adoringly. “If these two women tell you to pick yourself up and get over yourself, look at their love and know it’s enough proof that when you love, you are brave,” she looks at Siyeon, who isn’t smiling, but has a rather pensive look on her pretty face. Bora feels her heart twinge in her chest, looking at her when she says: “God knows I’ll be doing it for the rest of my life. To Minji and Handong!” </p><p>She raises her glass to them and sees Siyeon raising hers, a smile on her face. </p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The first drag of smoke feels like car exhaust in her lungs, but Bora braves it in hopes of letting out some steam tonight. The bottle never even landed on her or Siyeon for Seven Minutes in Heaven, so she’s kinda pissed right now.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Which is honestly a travesty, because she’s grown to be quite a good kisser if she does say so herself.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Someone stands in front of her, with a stern, “Kim Bora,” and Bora looks up to find one of those head cheerleaders in front of her. She’d forgotten her name already, and Bora stubs her cigarette as common courtesy, even if the girl looks about ready to beat the shit out of her - which makes Bora laugh. She can try. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “The one and only. What can I do for you?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Stay away from Siyeon.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ugh. This again? There were so many people vying for Siyeon’s attention. “She’s my best friend. If she liked you, you wouldn’t have to try too hard to get her attention.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That strikes a nerve, and the girl crouches down to look Bora in the eye. “Well, she’ll never cross the line and be more than the best friend you are,” she sneers, and that’s when Bora feels the dagger to her chest. “You’ve probably slept with the entire theatre club at this point.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora can’t even fault her for the first half, and the second half barely stings anymore even if it was just plain untrue. “You calling me a slut at my own party?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora stands until they’re face to face, and the girl is about to throw hands until Siyeon pulls Bora away.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Seonghee,” she says, low and dangerous, and it’s rare for her to see Siyeon like this. “I told you not to talk to me or my friends. Fuck off.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The cheerleader bounds off, not even sorry she got caught by the person she probably likes, threatening her best friend.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Did she say anything? Do anything?” Siyeon asks, standing in front of her and checking Bora’s face and fists to find nothing.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “She just called me a slut,” Bora tells her, which is technically what happened, but it’s the only thing she can tell Siyeon. She can’t tell Siyeon she feels worse about being told that neither she or Siyeon would cross the boundaries and be more than… whatever this is. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This, being the way Siyeon stays close to her all night, the way Siyeon has a hand on her lower back, the way Siyeon drives her home and says hello to Bora’s parents when they finally decide to part ways after talking a little bit more on the staircase of Bora’s home.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora lies down and holds the plushie Siyeon won for her, and still honestly smelled like Siyeon’s baby cologne, and tears up.  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>After Minji and Handong’s first dance as a couple which honest-to-God brings tears to Bora’s eyes <em> again,</em> she sees Siyeon and Yoohyeon duck out of the tent, and she smiles. This whole rift had been a little difficult to navigate for the two of them. </p><p>She’s thankful, because her eyes had been on Siyeon almost the entire night, and honestly needs a break from all that longing.</p><p>Someone taps her shoulder. It’s Yubin, smiling. “If I ask you for a dance, do you promise not to make a big deal out of it?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Bora teases, but she makes to stand and Yubin does too. </p><p>They slot their bodies together to the slow song, and she isn’t used to being this close to the younger girl physically, and Bora has a hand on her shoulder while Yubin has another on her waist. </p><p>“I don’t know if I should hate you for what you did at the restaurant,” Bora tells her. “But that would be rich coming from me.” </p><p>“Yup,” Yubin laughs. “Good you know.” </p><p>“Are you angry?” </p><p>Yubin takes a few beats to respond. “Yeah.” </p><p>Bora pulls away to look at her, her heart breaking for Yoohyeon, but then again - it’s about time they took responsibility for that, and she isn’t about to apologize for Yoohyeon either. Not when Yubin probably has more things to say, and Yubin isn’t a hundred percent faultless. </p><p>None of them are. </p><p>She bites her lip. “Will you be angry for a long time?”</p><p>That’s when Yubin looks away. “No.” </p><p>Bora lets out a sigh of relief. “Well, you’ll have to ask her when she’s ready to talk about things. I’m not going to play messenger again.” </p><p>Shy, Yubin rubs the back of her neck. “I’ll remember that. Maybe you should take your own advice too. You know Siyeon wants to - she’s not exactly hiding it.”</p><p>“I don’t know how or why she’s forgiven me after letting this whole thing blow out of proportion and leaving her high and dry like that,” she admits. A part of Bora is terrified of finding out, and the guilt eats her stomach inside out. </p><p>Yubin shrugs. “You should ask her.” </p><p>Bora looks at Minji and Handong dancing with each other, laughing and smiling. </p><p>“Okay,” she says, feeling a little braver. “Okay, I will.” </p><p>-</p><p>
  <b>Bora</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Wouuld u  hate m  e if i asked how siyeion is  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Siyeon  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em>The reply is swift, and Bora takes another swig </em> <em>from her bottle. <br/></em></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yubin</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Not really </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She’s doing fine.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Writing like crazy, keeping busy</em>
</p><p>
  <em>the usual</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> That’s enough, that’s enough for Bora, because she doesn’t know if she can handle any more until she gets another text. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yubin</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Will you tell Yoohyeon if I asked how she was?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Bora</b>
</p><p>
  <em> No </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Got her 1 st job recently </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoi should be rproud </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Yubin</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I am</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> In the morning, neither of them talks about how Bora had texted on Siyeon’s birthday.  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>Bora’s a bit drunk an hour after the alcohol starts flowing freely, and even with the haze of alcohol clouding her brain pleasantly, she feels a strange mix of worry and excitement when Yoohyeon - in her ruined dress - ducks out of the tent with Yubin, her coat covering the wine that had spilled on the pristine white material. Minji and Handong are funneling alcohol into their coworker’s mouth, and Gahyeon runs off with Handong’s cute cousin. </p><p><em> Went for a change of clothes back at the hotel, </em> Yoohyeon texts, and Bora sends a quick ‘<em>kk </em>’ in response.</p><p>Her head spins, and the lights aren’t helping, and she thumps her head on the table.  </p><p>There’s a hand on her shoulder, and Bora looks up to see Siyeon smiling at her.</p><p>She’s too drunk to suppress the way her heart soars at the sight, Siyeon’s hair illuminated by the dancing lights. “You good?” </p><p>Bora laughs. “Kinda drunk,” she says, honestly. Siyeon brandishes a glass of water for her, which Bora downs all at once. </p><p>“Would you be going home okay if you’re tipsy?” Siyeon looks around. “Where’s Yoohyeon?” </p><p>“She’s with Yubin for a change of clothes, got messed up by someone,” Bora replies and the implication of that dawns on Siyeon’s face. “I don’t think I should go back to the hotel with her so I’m here.” </p><p>“Oh, dang, yeah, better to leave them be for a bit,” Siyeon says. “I came to say goodbye, actually. I’m heading home.” </p><p>She looks at her watch - it’s pretty early for Siyeon. “It’s still early.” </p><p>“I have somewhere to be tomorrow,” Siyeon replies. “But I can’t leave you here, and our newlyweds are drunk off their shits right now…” </p><p>Bora can feel what she’s proposing and anticipates it. This is her chance. This is her chance to be brave.</p><p>“I was thinking if you wanna get some coffee to sober up while you wait for them?” </p><p>Siyeon looks at her with such eager, tender eyes that she can’t ever say no to. That she had been so cruel to leave. It’s hard to believe this is the same Siyeon from all those years ago until she smiles and looks at Bora the way she does. The way she offers her hand to Bora to help her up, even if Bora sure as hell doesn’t deserve it. </p><p>Bora, with enough liquid courage running in her body, decides to be brave. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> The first time Siyeon gets drunk, she, unfortunately, starts a fight with one of the patrons - and they get kicked out for being minors and starting a fight. Bora only manages to pry her off and defend themselves while Siyeon is a little passed out beside her with a bloodied nose and a bruised cheek.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I like it when you take care of me,” Siyeon says, looking up at Bora as she ices her cheek.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora sighs, swatting away Siyeon’s hand as she tries to feel the bruising of her cheek. “I’ll always take care of you,” she says truthfully, “even if you’re stupid.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Siyeon giggles, and it honest to God makes Bora’s heart hurt. Why does hearing Siyeon’s laugh hurt - when did that happen?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “That’s good, because I’ll always take care of you if you let me.” She meets Siyeon’s eyes - eager, happy, starry-eyed.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora wants to kiss her, and their faces are so close that she could just move a little and… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ruin everything? What will Bora do if she ruins this, and if it’ll be too much, and then Siyeon leaves and no one fills the space Siyeon does in her life? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora closes her eyes and pulls away.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I got accepted into Juilliard,” she says because she’s been a coward and has been hiding this from her for months. “I applied and I got into their Drama program.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She had been so terrified of losing Siyeon, when Bora sees the way Siyeon looks so fucking crestfallen at what she’d just said, Bora gets a taste of what it feels like to lose her for the first time. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wedding dresses: <a href="https://twitter.com/hausofbora/status/1337925714276847617?s=20">jidong, siyeon, yubin</a> + <a href="https://twitter.com/hausofbora/status/1337925877221314560?s=20">bora, yoohyeon, gahyeon</a></p><p>Going to need a little breather and prepare for the 2yoo :) Pretty much follows the same narration style</p><p>This was a difficult chapter because it was veeeery personal to me (and so will the 2yoo one) and i’d like to hear your thoughts on it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. yoohyeon & yubin - when it's about you i know nothing at all</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“You can’t keep running away from that, Yoohyeon. It’s too late because you always thought it was, even if it probably wasn’t.” </p><p>“I don’t know that.” </p><p>Handong reaches over, leans closer on the couch in a hug. “Exactly.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For all the 2yooists here!</p><p>Thanks to my beta readers Kat and Nads :] </p><p>Cw for recreational drug use for a lil bit</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> “I’ll never forgive you,” she spits, and Yoohyeon feels her heart breaking to a million pieces. “You’ll just have to live knowing I hate you.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon can’t speak, can’t say anything to make Yubin stay, and she doesn’t know what to do, or what to say. “I’m leaving,” she says, already turning away, and Yoohyeon tries to reach out but she feels like her body is bound and tied up. “Goodbye, Yoohyeon.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon… Yoohyeon…  </em>
</p><p>“Yoohyeon,” It’s Bora’s voice that speaks softly instead, and she’s jolted awake from her sleep though the rapid pace of her heart is not from being shaken out of her dream. Yoohyeon blinks awake to see Bora, the bags in her eyes more evident without makeup, looking just as terrible as Yoohyeon probably does in the golden morning light. “We’re here.” </p><p> </p><p>“You were saying something in your sleep,” Bora says, while she waits for their luggage. Yoohyeon can’t see anything and she’s really not in the correct state of mind to spot their items from where she is, even with her obvious height advantage. Bora’s mom-gene is still pretty active even if her body thinks it’s three AM. </p><p>That makes Yoohyeon perk up. She dreams so much about Yubin these days it should be a crime. </p><p>“What did I say?” </p><p>Bora only shrugs. “You were just mumbling. I didn’t catch it.” </p><p>Oh. Even Yoohyeon didn’t catch it and she wished she did. </p><p>“Bad dreams?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Bora pulls a face. “About, you know…” </p><p>Yoohyeon nods, and when she does, Bora moves a little closer even with her eyes on the carousel. “Yeah. Just… things that aren’t real,” she puts her head on top of Bora’s and feels her eyes closing. “But things I’m afraid of.” </p><p>
  <em> You’ll just have to live knowing I hate you. </em>
</p><p>“Well, you said it yourself. It isn’t real,” Bora tells her. “Sometimes your brain is mean like that. But just keep telling yourself it’s not true, whatever it is.” </p><p>When Yoohyeon hums, Bora takes her hand in hers. It’s the truth, and her brain was her worst enemy most days, and somehow Bora knew how it worked - sometimes even better than she did herself. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” </p><p>Yoohyeon knows - has known since they were young. </p><p>Their luggage arrives and Bora manages to snag theirs swiftly, still having eagle eyes despite their miserable jetlagged states. </p><p> </p><p>Seeing Minji and Handong again feels like a dream, and Yoohyeon stumbles into their arms in tears that she had been too tired to shed the first time they’d told her at three in the morning. It’s hard to believe they’re all living their own lives on a good day, and even harder to believe two of them are getting married - to each other, nonetheless. </p><p>Minji and Handong always made it work, so while Yoohyeon was surprised, it made sense that it would end like this - with them, together, in the middle of the airport. Hugging, crying, kissing each other. </p><p>“You’re crying,” Minji says, laughing but crying too, wiping Yoohyeon’s tears away. It’s very on-brand of Minji to keep wiping away her tears, maybe just as much as Bora and Siyeon do.</p><p>(All of them, really, now that Yoohyeon thinks about it.) </p><p>“I’m just happy for you,” Yoohyeon sobs but she grins anyway, grins so hard she can taste her own tears. “You guys really did it.” </p><p>Minji nods, agreeing. She and Handong cup Yoohyeon’s face in their hands, as Bora has her face planted between Minji’s shoulder blades as she hides her tear-stained face. “We’re so happy you’re here,” Handong says, smiling, and it’s almost unfair that she’s even more beautiful than the time she visited last year. </p><p>“But anytime it’s too heavy, just let us know, okay?” It’s Minji who tells her, and she looks so earnest and worried and Yoohyeon hates that what she did years ago because she was so terrified and hurt is still weighing down on her, on all of them. “If you need to leave, we’ll get it.” </p><p>Yoohyeon doesn’t want to. </p><p>She wants to prove to herself she can make it through this holiday. </p><p>She shakes her head, burying herself deeper into the hug, and wills herself to be strong - if not for herself, then for them.</p><p><em> It would be nice if you could be strong for you, </em> Yoohyeon scolds herself as they hold on to her in a tighter embrace, <em> do things for yourself for once. </em> </p><p>She can prove it to all of them even if she doesn’t have to, and she can prove it to Yubin. </p><p>But most importantly, Yoohyeon can prove it to herself. </p><p> </p><p>Being back in town is… a lot to digest, to say the least. It’s overwhelming. Even if she feels like her consciousness isn’t tethered to her body, she watches the town roll out and feels a painful wave of nostalgia reaching out to her insides in an embrace that is both welcoming and incredibly heart-wrenching. </p><p>The afternoon sun makes the town look the same, and the light hits the pavements and the old and new buildings like it used to. It reminds her of walking with the six of them after school to head to the diner, skating under the summer sun, and biking to their favorite beach where Minji and Handong were getting married, bathing in the afternoon sun with their feet digging into the sand. Bora and Siyeon would splash around in the water and she and Yubin used to sit where the waves crashed against the beach, their shoes sitting neatly together. </p><p>Her family had moved out shortly after she left for the States, and her youngest sibling to continue studying elsewhere. </p><p>She hasn’t had a reason to come back in years, except now. </p><p>They pull out from the road by the beach and into the city proper, and she takes in as much as she can in her miserable jetlagged state. </p><p>Everything feels the same, but also different. She can’t explain it. <em> So much for your postgraduate education in languages</em>, Yoohyeon thinks to herself.  </p><p> </p><p>It's only a matter of time until they pass by the library and Yoohyeon follows the building with her gaze even as they move past it. Bora notices right away, and there’s a comforting hand over her own. </p><p>That had been her safe haven with Yubin and Gahyeon and Handong. The sleepless nights, the endless reports. Yoohyeon had grown closer to the librarians, and still regularly sends them postcards wherever her studies have taken her. </p><p>“Did you know they revamped the library a lot since we left?” Minji says excitedly, peering at the rearview mirror before turning her eyes to the road. “They added an entire wing for computers. They also host lots of stuff for the elderly during weekends!” </p><p>Yoohyeon smiles. Her collegiate thesis had been on libraries as social infrastructures back at Barnard, and she’d sent over a copy to the librarians and mentioned them in her dedication. Those had been several of her suggestions, and while Yoohyeon had been informed, it felt great hearing about it from her friends. </p><p>“You did that,” Handong tells her, and Yoohyeon only sighs. She’d only provided the plan, as she promised - to the librarians and…</p><p>And to Yubin. </p><p>When Yoohyeon only laughs tiredly, Bora takes her hand and changes the topic. </p><p>“How’s your manuscript writing going?” Handong asks as Bora and Minji try to win some gacha capsules of animals with elongated chins from the machine outside the diner. She takes a sip from her watermelon shake she loved so much. Some things really never change.  </p><p>Yoohyeon only gives her a pained grin. </p><p>“Yeesh,” Handong pulls a face. “Tough nut to crack?” </p><p>She rubs her temples. Sometimes even just thinking about the damn thing gives her a headache. “You don’t know half of it. I’m just scared Anne Carson is gonna read that shit and then banish me into the shadow realm if it sucks.” </p><p>Handong laughs. “You think too much. You’re not even writing a critique!” </p><p>Her head makes contact with the cold surface of the diner table. “I know, I know, it’s just…” </p><p>How can she even begin to explain it? Using Anne Carson as a framework to analyze Saint-Exupéry’s <em> The Little Prince</em>, when it reminded her so much of her childhood and of Yubin? </p><p>“There, there,” Handong soothes, laughing a little. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt to take a little break to recover. A breath of fresh air, you know? Then get back on your feet to finish it.”</p><p>Even with her laptop in her bag, she makes another promise to herself to not touch it until the holiday is over. </p><p>Handong looks like she wants to say something else, has the same look on her face when she wants to ask Yoohyeon how she’s doing, and she isn’t entirely prepared for that.</p><p>Thankfully, Bora and Minji stumble back into the booth with their ridiculous gacha capsules that punch their air right out of her lungs from laughter. </p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t really remember much of the ride except for the fact she falls asleep on the way to the hotel, and as usual, Bora shakes her awake and basically drags her up to their hotel room.</p><p>Yoohyeon collapses onto the bed and sleep takes her without hesitation. </p><p> </p><p>Dawn starts to break when Yoohyeon wakes, and she moves to sit up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The room is lovely, even barely lit save for the lamp on the sleek dresser in front of them. Her bones feel heavy, but not as heavy as earlier today. </p><p>She looks to her right to find the bed empty and hears a few quiet sobs coming from the veranda, separated by a glass door. </p><p>All these years with Bora can only tell Yoohyeon she’s crying, and as always, wants to be left alone. </p><p>That’s always how Bora has been, except with Siyeon. Alone, in these quiet moments of anguish because it takes a lot to make Bora cry. </p><p>Yoohyeon doesn’t want to intrude, and she knows better than to interrupt Bora in these moments of vulnerability she hates to show to anyone. </p><p>Instead, she leans forward to take the suite’s phone and quietly orders Bora’s favorite meal to be served for breakfast later. </p><p>It’s the least she can do. </p><p>When Yoohyeon falls asleep again, she hopes Bora feels a bit better in the morning. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> Her head hurts from all the crying in the airport, and when Yoohyeon finally settles into her seat, trying to will get her breathing back to normal. It had been so hard saying goodbye to all of them - her family, her friends, the library, this town.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “This is really it, huh?” Yoohyeon says, trying to lighten up the mood, and she turns to look at Bora - whose head is bowed and her hair curtaining and hiding her face. Her shoulders shake uncontrollably, and the sight of it is enough to make the tears spring back to Yoohyeon’s eyes.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oh, Bora,” Yoohyeon says, and if she wasn’t too busy pulling up the armrest to move closer, she’d take the time to be surprised that this is probably the first time she has ever seen Bora cry like this.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She doesn’t know what to do except hold Bora close and let her do so. She had put on a brave face earlier, barely letting waterworks show even as she embraced her family, and had Siyeon kiss her head sweetly in front of everyone.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It had been painfully intimate, Yoohyeon had no choice to look away and let them have their moment.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Everyone around them is busy getting into their seats, too busy to notice two crying girls who miss home already.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I guess it’s too late to turn back,” Bora says, her voice hoarse as she wipes away her tears. Her face is incredibly red, and Yoohyeon fishes for some tissue in Bora’s handheld.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon would like to disagree, that they could say no to their universities, get back some of their fees, leave this plane and go back - but then again, why would they?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think we got this far and we should, you know, keep going?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora looks at her, her bright eyes shining with tears. “I’m going to miss them,” she says, her voice breaking. “I’m going to miss her so much.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora doesn’t have to say it but Yoohyeon just… knows. Siyeon was Bora’s friend, but the distinction was important. Yoohyeon knows. Yoohyeon understands, because: </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m going to miss her too,” she says, feeling the tightening of her heart at the thought of Yubin, at the thought of her own distinction, at the thought that Bora knows. Bora, who had given her a small, supportive smile when Yoohyeon’s heart was being crushed to a pulp as she hugged Yubin goodbye, and when Yubin had given her a letter and the rose, which lay inside her bag for her to read when she can.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She isn’t sure if her heart can take the period she plans to just… be with herself, but she has to try. Yubin said it would be good.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Knowing Bora is just a call or a train ride away, and going through the same thing too, gives Yoohyeon a smidge of comfort that dulls the ache a little bit.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Do you think we’ll be okay?” Yoohyeon asks, feeling a little desperate. All these tears and separation anxiety should amount to something. Should amount to Yoohyeon making a name for herself. Should amount to Yoohyeon recovering from what she feels for Yubin.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora has her own demons and fears. Her friend takes a deep breath and gives her a shaky smile, and Yoohyeon knows that Bora being with her is all she needs to survive in a foreign place and a competitive school.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think so,” Bora says, fitting her head into Yoohyeon’s shoulder. “I think we will.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Bora is fast asleep beside her, and Yoohyeon is wide awake despite the throbbing of her head. There are too many things moving in her mind and the sound of the plane’s engine isn’t really any help.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Not to mention her legs are too long for the economy seat space.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She rummages through her handheld for the letter Yubin had given her and fishes it out.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s a simple, yellow thing. Folded, with panda washi tape sealing it.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Can she read this? Would she be able to go through it without feeling like her insides are caving in? Would she hear Yubin’s voice and miss her best friend whom she is painfully in love with already? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The yellow letter stares right back at her, taunting her, making her want to ask the pilot to turn back the plane and bring them back. Makes her want to stop this scholarship. Makes her want to apologize for even thinking about putting space between them even for a while, even if Yubin had agreed to her suggestion in the first place.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon takes a deep breath and puts it back inside her bag. She’ll read it when she’s ready.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She digs around her bag for the rose, but can’t find it anywhere. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She must have left it somewhere. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon feels a fresh set of tears coming in. </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>When Yoohyeon wakes up, Bora is getting ready, tying up her white sneakers on her own bed. </p><p>“Off to somewhere?” She asks, stretching, and Bora looks back. Her eyes are a bit puffy, but it seems like she had gotten some sleep. On the counter by the door was the breakfast Yoohyeon had ordered discreetly, a few hours ago. </p><p>“Visiting some friends from the theater club,” she replies, finishing her knot to stand and sit by Yoohyeon’s bed. “Seungyeon, Jihyo. They’re in town for the break too.” </p><p>Yoohyeon nods. Bora always had a wide circle of friends, but she remembers those two the most.</p><p>“Okay, have fun,” she burrows into the heavy hotel duvet, hoping for some more sleep. Maybe when she wakes up again she can go do some reading to get the engine running — that doesn’t necessarily count as touching her manuscript. When Bora turns to leave, Yoohyeon takes her hand in hers. “Hey. You feeling okay?” </p><p>Bora looks surprised, but it melts into fondness, something that she wears often around Yoohyeon despite their playful banter and jokes. </p><p>“Yeah,” she sighs, fixing her hair a little bit. It’s a nervous tick and Bora does it a lot when she’s a bit troubled and nervous. The smile she gives Yoohyeon, however, is radiant. “I think I’m okay.” </p><p>“You can talk to me. We’re in this together.” </p><p>It’s the truth. Yoohyeon can’t stress it enough.” </p><p>Bora nods, squeezing Yoohyeon’s hand. She presses a fleeting kiss to her hair. “I know,” she says quietly. “Thanks for the corned beef omelet.” </p><p>Yoohyeon lies back down, watching Bora take her bag to go see her friends. “Anytime.” </p><p> </p><p>The chime of the doors is still the same, Yoohyeon realizes, and she’s taken back to all the times she had stumbled into the library for whatever reason. </p><p>She steps in, the first floor mostly occupied by senior citizens playing chess and some younger people using their laptops and typing away. </p><p>Before she’d left, the place had always been empty, so it’s definitely nice to see activity, the library filled with quiet but busy energy. </p><p>The front desk is the same save for a better paint job, except now there’s a corkboard below the sign, and with postcards - some she recognizes as her own, and some she doesn’t. </p><p>“Hi, can I ask for directions?” is the best that Yoohyeon comes up with, and she bounces on the balls of her feet when Mrs. Hwang turns around from arranging the books, ready to help Yoohyeon out, and the way her face shifts to surprise and recognition should be comical, but it makes Yoohyeon want to cry instead. </p><p>“Yoohyeonie!” The head librarian exclaims, maneuvering away from the counter to hug Yoohyeon, tumbling into her. “My, you’ve grown so much since the last time we saw you!”</p><p>Mrs. Hwang used to be a few inches smaller, but now Yoohyeon is a head taller than her. “Ah, yeah, something in the American air, I think,” she jokes, but hugs her back. “It’s so nice to see you again, Mrs. Hwang.” </p><p>The librarian pinches her cheeks, which used to annoy Yoohyeon as a kid, but now she only laughs at the dull pain. “It’s great to see you too, dearie,” she coos. “It’s just me today since it’s the week-long holiday, but the other librarians would be ecstatic to find out you’ve visited!”</p><p>She’d have to make sure to visit when Mrs. Park and Mrs. Oh would be around. </p><p>Mrs. Hwang looks over Yoohyeon’s shoulder, her expression, puzzled. “Where’s Yubinnie? I want to thank her for her postcards too!” </p><p>The way her heart drops right to her stomach shocks even Yoohyeon.</p><p>This had been their place. Their sanctuary. These librarians loved Yubin just as much, and Yubin too - which explains some of the unfamiliar postcards on the board. </p><p>“She’s still flying in soon,” Yoohyeon says. She’s not entirely sure when, and she’s too afraid to ask Handong or Minji, or even Siyeon. “So I’m sure she’ll drop by before Handong and Minji’s wedding.” </p><p>Mrs. Hwang swoons at the mention of the wedding. “Those two really…” she says, sighing and smiling. “Handong came to visit before the wedding, and she drops by whenever she’s in town. She and Minji are positively glowing.” </p><p>Yoohyeon can only agree. There was really something about newly engaged people and people about to get married. If Yoohyeon squints she can see both of them having an ethereal glow about them from how happy they were with each other. </p><p>“Sorry I’d only dropped by now,” Yoohyeon apologizes, and she doesn’t know why she feels such remorse for leaving this life behind when these people had helped her be the person she is now. She could have visited whenever she was back home, but the fear of running into Yubin always outweighed it. “It’s been… a crazy few years.” </p><p>Mrs. Hwang only smiles, patting her cheek in a motherly way, and Yoohyeon misses her own and can’t wait to see her again after the wedding. “It’s okay, life happens, Yoohyeonie,” she consoles. “The postcards and the phone calls made us feel connected to you, don’t worry. Yubinnie said you were very busy with your work, and we understand that.” </p><p>“She said that?” Yoohyeon can’t help but ask, tries so hard to sound casual. She’d known Yubin was based here in South Korea, but she wasn’t entirely sure how often Yubin visited home because of her work. </p><p>“Yes, she comes by when she can,” the librarian confirms. “She even read your thesis and helped out a bit to make it come to life.”</p><p>Yoohyeon doesn’t know why she feels her heart is pulverized at the thought of Yubin coming back, talking about her, reading her thesis while they weren’t talking, but she tries not to make it show. </p><p>By now, she’s sure Mrs. Hwang has some sort of clue that they’re not talking, or they weren’t like they were before, though if she did have an idea of what happened she says nothing. </p><p>The smile that Mrs. Hwang does give her is enough to tell Yoohyeon she knows. </p><p>“Well, come on now and tell me everything you’re up to,” Mrs. Hwang says, pulling a chair for Yoohyeon to sit in.</p><p>Yoohyeon smiles, and basks in the fondness she has for the librarian, and fills her in about everything, except Yubin. </p><p> </p><p>After they’ve caught up plenty, Yoohyeon sets off to explore the library and see the improvements for herself. They’d been able to receive some more funding from the local government and Gahyeon, Handong, and Yubin poured in some support to the library’s funds to get new equipment and newer collections. Yoohyeon had found a way to get them subscriptions to digital libraries. </p><p>It had improved so much, and she’s glad the four of them made good on their promises to make their favorite place a better one for their town. </p><p><em> Promises, </em> Yoohyeon thinks distinctly, as she finds herself walking to her and Yubin’s favorite spot in the entire library. It had been between the shelves on gender theory and some classics where there were several old and browned copies of <em> The Little Prince. </em></p><p>They spent so much of their youth in this corner, Yoohyeon thinks, remembering that they spent afternoons talking in hushed tones as the afternoon sun streamed in from the windows above them. There were perfectly good chairs for them to sit on but Yoohyeon and Yubin had loved this corner so much, studying here sprawled on the wooden floor as they exchanged English phrases or favorite passages from whatever they’d been reading. </p><p>Sometimes Handong was there, or Gahyeon, or both of them, but everyone knew this corner was theirs. </p><p>Yoohyeon stands, watching the empty spot more than she should, remembering so many good times in this place. The sun filtering in from the window still looks the same, and she has to turn away or else she’ll cry. </p><p>Her fingers trail the spines of the books, looking for that one copy of <em> The Little Prince she loved. </em> </p><p><em> J900.1… J900.23… J900.43 </em>. </p><p>Yoohyeon stops at <em> J900.77. </em> </p><p>She pauses, thinks deeply about what she’s about to do, and decides to go through with pulling it from the shelf. </p><p>Yoohyeon doesn’t expect anything, really, as she flips through it. Why would Yubin even remember that? Why would Yubin even make good on a stupid promise after what Yoohyeon had done, after those ten years - </p><p>A folded yellow piece of paper rests in between the pages, and Yoohyeon prepares herself for what it could be. She takes it out, taking a deep breath, and unfolds it. </p><p>
  <em> Jan 7 2015 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I never thought I’d have to do this so early on </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I kept my promise. Slightly. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Happy birthday, Yoohyeon </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Y </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The note lay at the beginning of chapter 25, the one on drawing muzzles on sheep, and Yoohyeon knows - has it fresh in her mind - the last sentence of the chapter.</p><p>One thing she knows about Yubin is that she never does things without intention. They’d agreed on chapter 21 until she reads the last sentence herself. </p><p>
  <em> One runs the risk of weeping a little, if one lets himself be tamed. </em>
</p><p>Yoohyeon stands in their favorite corner when they were children, and lets her teardrops fall, smudging the years-old ink on the yellow paper and the book they shared.</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “Do you think we’ll ever come back to this place?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon looks up from the books she’s been sorting this whole afternoon to be returned to their respective shelves. She doesn’t know where this is coming from, but Yubin has that pensive look on her face - one that Yoohyeon had come to know, telling her she’s deep in thought or worry.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t see why not,” Yoohyeon says, sliding a book back into its place and arranging it. “Getting older is so scary.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She can’t even put into words how scary it is getting older, having a life outside of school. Maybe that’s why she’d want to keep studying for the rest of her life, teaching and writing. She’s scared of running the risk of never seeing them ever again or growing apart.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin laughs. “I think if it’s with you, it wouldn’t be so hard. With the seven of us. It won’t be so hard.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon doesn’t understand the way it feels like a lance to her stomach and a comforting embrace, but Yubin has been making her feel that way recently.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her best friend stands beside her, taking The Little Prince book they always loved and flipping it open to chapter 21. “If we ever grow apart, let’s leave each other messages here.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She frowns, hating the way her heart acts up at the thought of never speaking to Yubin again. “I don’t want that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “But we don’t know what’ll happen.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She drives a fair point, as much as Yoohyeon hates to admit it. She nods, peeking over. It’s the J900.77 copy of The Little Prince. It had been their favorite copy. “Why this chapter?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s the one on taming. I like it.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Taming, forging connections. Keeping promises, being responsible for these forged connections.  Time, wasted on the rose that makes it important.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Okay,” Yoohyeon nods. “I hope we never have to resort to that.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin nods, setting the book back. “Me too.”  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>“Too small for your gigantic feet?” Bora says from behind the door, and Yoohyeon flips her the bird even if the other woman can’t see.</p><p>“I’ll step on you with them, and yes,” Yoohyeon replies, pulling off the tan sandals. </p><p>Bora had been such a great support system recently, and she knows this very moment reminds her of prom, when Bora and Siyeon had helped her pick her dress; Bora helped her with her makeup and hair as Siyeon stands back, watching them with wonder. </p><p>That night, they’d been good to her - offering her comfort after what had been such a terrible night for her. </p><p>Yoohyeon watches herself in the mirror, seeing the way the lovely dress Handong and Minji picked out for her fit her body. She looks pretty, and Yoohyeon smiles, knowing her friends’ good taste. </p><p>Outside, Bora exclaims an ‘ouch’, colliding with someone, and Yoohyeon doesn’t even blink until she hears Siyeon’s familiar voice, Minji’s following right after.</p><p>Her first thought is: <em> Siyeon! </em></p><p>Her second is: <em> Oh no. </em></p><p>She unlocks the door a little to see Bora standing there, dumbfounded, as Minji and Handong - in a subtle frazzled state - remind her that her fitting is on another day, with Yubin. Bora is unmoving, and that’s when Yoohyeon quickly moves past her, hoping that this would give Bora the out she needed, running to Siyeon and taking her into a hug. </p><p>“Siyeon?!” She exclaims, hugging her tightly. Yoohyeon distinctly hears Bora murmuring an ‘excuse me’ before leaving, and Yoohyeon can breathe better. </p><p>Siyeon looks good, and Yoohyeon takes in her features. The last time she’d seen her, she had the same hair length, but a stark shade of electric blue. </p><p>Distraction tactics to let Bora leave the scene aside, she’d really missed her. Siyeon laughs, wrapping her hands around Yoohyeon, and it’s like no years have passed between them.</p><p> </p><p>“Bora isn’t picking up,” Handong sighs, putting her phone down. Minji entertains Siyeon as much as she can, catching up with the other woman, and Yoohyeon takes the paperbag of the dress from the counter with a small thank you to the cashier. </p><p>They were well acquainted with Bora’s habit to isolate herself whenever she’s embarrassed or showed intense emotions she had no control over. “I’ll find her. Go to lunch with Siyeon.” </p><p>Handong pouts. “Okay, alright. Tell her Minji and I will take you two out tonight for dinner, as an apology, when she’s ready to talk?” </p><p>“Of course.” </p><p>She does find Bora, smoking on the curbside from behind the shop. She had stubbed her cigarette when Yoohyeon sits beside her, out of courtesy. Bora hadn’t kicked the habit yet.  </p><p>She apologizes for hugging Siyeon, and Bora tells her it’s fine, and Yoohyeon believes her. Bora and Yubin had a special friendship, too, one thing she could never really fully understand but appreciates anyway. </p><p>Yoohyeon leans into Bora, wraps an arm around her, and tells her she’s afraid of seeing Yubin, too. </p><p> </p><p>After Minji and Handong’s apology dinner where they’d said sorry profusely over the course of one entire meal, Bora retires early to get a massage at the hotel spa while Minji meets with some college friends in town. </p><p>That’s how Yoohyeon finds herself walking with Handong on their favorite beach, seeing the almost complete setup for the ceremony. </p><p>“How are you holding up?” Handong asks, bending down to pick up a shiny rock to inspect it. It also piques Yoohyeon’s interest, and they keep it with them as they continue their stroll.</p><p>She bites her lip. “I don’t know, Handong. I’m sorry,” Yoohyeon apologizes, fidgeting with her fingers behind her back. “It’s your wedding weekend but I just… I know it’s scary for you, too.” </p><p>Handong laughs. “Yeah, marriage is kind of scary, but with Minji I feel less afraid,” she says. “Love, generally, is pretty scary. I’m sure you know.” </p><p>Yoohyeon does. They all do. </p><p>“I visited the library.” </p><p>Handong stops briefly, pausing to look at her. Everyone knows how much they loved the library, and how it had been something Yubin and Yoohyeon loved. She can imagine Handong worrying. “How’d that go?” </p><p>“There was a note in our favorite copy of <em> The Little Prince </em>,” Yoohyeon confesses. “It’d been on my birthday, five years ago, when she visited.” There’s a hand in hers, and Handong’s hand is a comforting one. Her presence has always brought Yoohyeon so much comfort. </p><p>“What do you feel?” </p><p>Yoohyeon sighs, the bag of rocks resting on her chest crushing her ribs. “Regret, guilt, nostalgia. The usual when I think of her,” she says, laughing, even if her insides feel like mercury. “I’m terrified to see her because I miss her so much.” </p><p>Handong squeezes her hand. The breeze and her words slowly make Yoohyeon’s ribs feel less like it’s closing in on her. “Well, we’re here when she arrives,” her friend smiles. “I promise.” </p><p> </p><p>By the time Yoohyeon gets back, Bora is fast asleep, her phone in her hand. Yoohyeon shuts it off and plugs it to charge before putting the duvet over her sleeping form. </p><p>She does her usual night routines and returns to a text from Siyeon when Yoohyeon checks her own phone. </p><p> </p><p><b>Siyeon</b> <b></b></p><p>
  <em> Is she okay? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Yoohyeon doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know if she should tell the plain truth. If she should be the person to do so. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yoohyeon</b>
</p><p>
  <em> A bit tired. We’re all a little winded </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’d be terrified too </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I mean I am </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Of you know </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Siyeon</b>
</p><p>
  <em> :( </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yeah i get that </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nice seeing you today Yooh </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Missed you so much </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She smiles. She had missed Siyeon too, and she hates that this whole situation makes it so difficult for them to be friends without feeling like walking on eggshells. Being friends with Siyeon had always felt right. </p><p>Being friends with all of them felt that way.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yoohyeon</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Same here </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Rest up singsingsing :)  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “I’m scared that she’ll just realize that she’ll want a normal life with a normal partner with a better family,” Handong says, drinking from her own glass. She settles against Yoohyeon’s couch comfortably.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The secret LDR has been difficult, but they’d been trudging on. Yoohyeon can see it in her eyes. “Does Minji know you’re worried?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Handong nods. “I tell her everything, and I’m always reassured, but it’s always a worry, you know?” She bites her lip. “Minji is amazing and she’s worth it. My family is shit but I’m ready to pack my bags and leave with my share of the wealth and start over if it meant protecting Minji.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon knows this, knows the quiet ferocity Handong feels protecting Minji from Handong’s parents and their burdening expectations.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What about you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hmm?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Handong looks away, pursing her lips. “You know.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “We… it’s been five years. I don’t know if she wants to talk to me at this point,” Yoohyeon tells her. It’s getting easier to talk about it, but the guilt and regret linger. “She’d left me messages, and I never replied, and now I’m terrified to apologize and just. Drop by. Bora feels the same.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her friend only sighs. “You can’t keep running away from that, Yoohyeon. It’s too late because you always thought it was, even if it probably wasn’t.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t know that.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Handong reaches over, leans closer on the couch in a hug. “Exactly.”  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>
  <b>Minji</b>
</p><p>
  <em> You don’t have to go to the lunch if she’s going to be there </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It would be nice, but if you don’t feel comfortable </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Skip!  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> We love you and want you to be ok  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Yoohyeon stares at Minji’s thread, and the tv is background noise to the otherwise empty hotel room. Bora had left for the lunch, offering her support and telling her it’s fine not to go, as Minji and Handong said. </p><p>She considers going, proving to herself she can. Proving to herself she’ll be fine seeing Yubin for the first time in ten years, today. </p><p>They’re going to cross paths eventually. </p><p>The stubborn part of her brain says she can do it, she can harden up and be fine, sit there and enjoy lunch with friends and family. Be meters away from Yubin, without having spoken a word. </p><p>Maybe she can talk to her. Yoohyeon looks at the yellow piece of paper she’d found at the library and is given a small shot of hope in her system when all she had been feeling was dread. </p><p>What would Yubin even say? What would Yubin even feel? Would she treat her as a friend, as a stranger, as an enemy? </p><p>The thing about that is that Yoohyeon would understand if Yubin had treated her as the latter than the first. </p><p>Against better judgment, Yoohyeon gets up to dress and catch up to the lunch. </p><p> </p><p><em> I can do this, </em> Yoohyeon thinks to herself, pushing the restaurant doors open. </p><p>She spots Yubin from where she stands, and she looks handsome. The years have treated her well, and the pictures on social media didn’t do her justice. She’s seated beside Bora, talking, until Yubin spots her.</p><p>Their eyes meet. </p><p>Yoohyeon finds that distant, indifferent look in Yubin’s eyes that tells her <em> stranger, stranger, stranger </em>, and finds that she had been wrong about being able to do this.</p><p>She turns around and leaves, her ribs closing in on her insides.</p><p> </p><p>Yoohyeon curls into herself as she finds a safe spot to cry, and she doesn’t know why it had hurt so much, and why she can’t do it. She thought she’d prepared for the distant look in Yubin’s eyes, as if she had been a stranger. She knows it had been her fault, for those ten years, and the silence. </p><p>The evil part of her brain tells her she deserves it, she deserves being treated as a stranger, and maybe Yoohyeon did, maybe she did and after all she did Yubin would never forgive her even if she reached out and - </p><p>“Hey,” Handong says, wrapping her arms around Yoohyeon’s shaking body. Another pair snakes around her waist, and she can smell Bora’s distinct perfume. “We’re here.” </p><p>That makes her cry even harder, but she has stopped holding it in, leaning into her friends as they rub her back as she tries to regulate her breathing and until the tears stop.</p><p> </p><p>Bora sits on her bed, a hand on her thigh. “Hey. Wanna go swimming?” </p><p>Her eyes feel incredibly puffy, but she feels better after watching <em> Twilight </em>with Bora and having some ice cream. “I’m really tired, Bora.” </p><p>Her friend nods. “You don’t have to go into the pool,” she stipulates. “Just come get some fresh air with me. We need it.”</p><p>Yoohyeon can’t argue with that. “Maybe you can drink the entire pool to replenish the water you cried today,” Bora teases, and Yoohyeon laughs, hitting her arm. She stands up and dresses in her bikini, as Bora suggested, just in case she felt like jumping in. </p><p>Bora jumps into the pool, illuminated by the blue light under the water, and Yoohyeon laughs at the pure joy in Bora’s face in the water. </p><p>Bora was right about wearing her swimwear, because Yoohyeon strips off her clothes and joins her in the water.</p><p>The cool water feels amazing on the warm summer night, and when Yoohyeon breaks through the surface to breathe, Bora is smiling. </p><p>“Feeling better?”</p><p>Yoohyeon nods, and splashes water in Bora’s face as thanks. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “Are you scared to go into the water?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The quiet girl from the other class looks up at her, from staring intensely at the pool where they’ll be having their break.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon doesn’t expect a response until she nods.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s not deep!” She tells her, walking over and dipping her feet into it. Everyone was splashing about.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> After a few moments of holding out her hand, the quiet girl takes it hesitantly. Yoohyeon helps her into the pool, where the water is only up to their knees. “See? You’re okay.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl smiles, and then splashes around.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What’s your name?” asks Yoohyeon, since they’re not in the same class.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yubin,” the girl replies, and Yoohyeon nods. “I’m from the PM class.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon nods, liking that she had made a new friend, one who absolutely does not mind it when she splashes some water on her.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin only laughs, doing the same in retaliation.  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>“There,” Yoohyeon says as she finally zips up the gorgeous wedding dress. </p><p>It’s simple for the beach, but elegant, somehow such a good way to sum up Handong’s personality as much as a white dress can. </p><p>Handong lets down her long, red hair and combs it with her fingers. “It looks amazing on me.” </p><p>Yoohyeon rolls her eyes, but she smiles anyway. Handong has always been quietly full of herself, which made her incredibly attractive and the person they all love. “You look amazing,” she says, “but maybe I should have said that outside so you won’t have trouble walking through doors.” </p><p>The bride reaches behind her to swat at Yoohyeon. “Wow. It’s really happening, huh? I’m marrying Minji.” </p><p>“You are,” Yoohyeon says. “It’s crazy. We were just kids, and now you’re getting married. Gosh.” </p><p>“It is,” Handong laughs. “Can you believe this all started because of that dumb seven minutes in heaven thing Bora started? All because she wanted to kiss Siyeon.” </p><p>Yoohyeon remembers that night clearly; all of it. From the seven minutes in heaven, down to her telling Yubin she applied for Barnard, in New York, and has submitted all the requirements and gotten in. “What would have happened if that didn’t happen?” </p><p>Handong shrugs, the strap of her dress falling a little bit, and Yoohyeon puts it back in its place. “I try not to think about it. We’re here already, you know?” </p><p>Yoohyeon laughs, feeling fondness for Handong wash over her. She’d always been pragmatic and logical when the occasion called for it, and Yoohyeon had always loved that about her.</p><p>“You’re right,” she agrees. “About that. And about being beautiful today. Minji is so lucky. You are, too.” </p><p>Handong smiles, her eyes a bit glassy, and she holds Yoohyeon’s hand over her shoulder. “I know, and I hope you know I’m glad you’re here with us.” </p><p>“I’d do anything for you,” is what Yoohyeon says, and means it. </p><p>-</p><p><em> “You </em> what <em> ?!”  </em></p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon can’t believe what she’s hearing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “We didn’t do anything!” Handong says, shaking her head. “And I think. I think I like her, Yooh. I only realized.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She has to laugh, because the way Handong is around Minji is so… painfully obvious. Handong, despite her brilliance, was a little bit useless around pretty girls.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “That’s fine,” Yoohyeon tells her, and Handong relaxes a bit. She doesn’t seem to want to talk about it anymore, and Yoohyeon gets that. “A lot going on tonight, huh.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Handong looks up from tying her shoelace. “What’s up with you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think I’ll tell Yubin.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her friend tilts her head in confusion. “About…?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Getting into Barnard,” Yoohyeon sighs. “Probably accepting it. I don’t know.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t see why you shouldn’t,” Handong tells her, straight-up. Straightforward. Like she always does. “It’s an excellent opportunity. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon’s brows furrow. “What do you mean?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Shrugging, Handong swings her legs under the swing where she and Yoohyeon are seated. “If you’re doing all of this to run away, or prove something to Yubin instead of yourself… it would be complicated.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That stops Yoohyeon in her tracks.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She hates that Handong is right. She hates that at the back of her head, she had been doing all of this, to maybe make Yubin miss her. Make Yubin proud of her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Make Yubin want her while she’s away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Handong is right, as usual, and Yoohyeon doesn’t know what to say.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I—” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “There you are, ladies,” Yubin says, holding three bottles of apple cider. She stops, when the two of them look at her as she walks closer. “Am I interrupting something?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No, darling,” Handong says, standing and straightening her skirt. “I was just going to leave and see… uh…”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Minji?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The tips of Handong’s ear blushes, and she nods before taking the drink and walking away.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin laughs as she takes the seat next to Yoohyeon, offering her a bottle of cider which Yoohyeon takes. “They’re adorable.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There’s a silence that blankets over them, and Yoohyeon isn’t sure if it’s comfortable.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> When did that happen? When did the silence that fills the space between them feel like Yoohyeon has to fill it or else it’ll be quiet?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yubin,” Yoohyeon begins, and when her best friend turns to her, sipping cider from a straw with an open expression - probably the most open she’s ever seen her - there’s no turning back.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon takes a deep breath, tries not to look at the girl she’s been in love with for the better part of the year. Her best friend, who is probably clueless, and doesn’t feel the same.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I got accepted to Barnard.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe she’ll miss her. Maybe Yubin would follow her. Maybe if Yoohyeon leaves, Yubin would want her too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin smiles, and looks genuinely happy for her, and Yoohyeon doesn’t know what to think anymore.  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>“Jesus, Gahyeon,” Yoohyeon coos, holding the delicate porcelain in her hand. It’s a gorgeous teacup with dye-sub printing the Little Prince on the moon with the Rose, and looks incredibly rare. There were writings in Cyrillic that Yoohyeon doesn’t understand.</p><p>Gahyeon gives her a proud grin, and Yoohyeon doesn’t know how she manages to intimidate grown Russian men when she smiles like that. Though she realizes Gahyeon doesn’t smile during her chess matches, as the Chessmaster is always extremely set on annihilating her opponent. </p><p>“Do you like it?” Gahyeon says, nudging Yoohyeon’s leg under the table. She’s still not done marveling at the printing. </p><p>“It’s gorgeous,” answers Yoohyeon, and she sets it down to take a good look at Gahyeon. It hasn’t been a long time since they’ve seen each other, with Yoohyeon attending a few of her matches in the States, but she always misses Gahyeon, and misses being with her. “Do I talk about my manuscript <em> that </em> much?” </p><p>Their youngest scrunches her nose. “Just a decent amount. And I know how much you love that book. You and…” she trails off, and Yoohyeon lets out a tiny laugh. </p><p>“I know, we both do,” she doesn’t know why it hurts a little but it does. </p><p>Gahyeon gives her a supportive smile, reaches across the table to hold her hand, as Yoohyeon drinks from the glass. “How are you holding up?” </p><p>Yoohyeon wants to say she’d cried probably several buckets of tears this weekend alone, but the severe ache had dulled to a manageable amount. “Better than expected,” she lies, not wanting Gahyeon to worry. “Still hard. I want to talk to her about everything that happened and apologize.” </p><p>“What’s stopping you?” </p><p>
  <em> Stranger, stranger, stranger.  </em>
</p><p>Yoohyeon opens her mouth to say that Yubin feels like a stranger, and maybe that’s what she deserved after all these years, but—</p><p>“Little fox?” </p><p>She knows that voice from anywhere. </p><p>It’s too late, because she sees Yubin walking towards them. Her eyes, only on Gahyeon, not even sparing her a glance. </p><p>“Yubin-ah!” Gahyeon says, moving up to stand and greet her, taking her into a tight embrace. It’s a little intimate, and Yoohyeon is a little jealous, so she averts her eyes and scrolls on her phone, feeling like an intruder.</p><p>Is that what’s going to be now? Just a bystander? Someone who bears witness to Yubin seeing their friends and not being able to partake in it? </p><p>“When did you fly in?” She hears Yubin ask, and she sounds excited, and Yoohyeon’s heart still soars hearing her voice after all these years. Deep, calm, and Yoohyeon feels it reverberate from within her. </p><p>“Just this morning,” Gahyeon replies, just as ecstatic, and Yoohyeon braves the feeling of being an outsider by drowning out their conversation. </p><p>“Let’s catch up soon, okay?” Gahyeon says, after some time. The past few moments Yoohyeon had stopped listening. “I’m having dinner with Yoohyeon.” </p><p>She can feel the abrupt stop of Gahyeon’s sentence as if she had almost extended an invitation to join them, but it seems that she’d caught herself just in time. It doesn't look like Yubin is interested to join them anyway.</p><p>Yoohyeon doesn’t know if she can handle being around her like that just yet. Her walls are up - anyone can see them from a mile away, and it’s all Yoohyeon’s fault. </p><p>Yoohyeon turns and finds Yubin also looking at her for a split second before looking away to give her attention to Gahyeon, who looks a little pained being stuck in the middle of this very awkward exchange — or the lack, thereof. </p><p>Yubin walks away, and Yoohyeon stares as she leaves to join another table — a couple of friends from the music club, Yoohyeon recognizes, but none of them were people Yoohyeon was close to. </p><p>“I suppose that answers my question about what’s stopping you,” Gahyeon says, whistling lowly. “I mean, I know she can be cold but… wow.” </p><p>Yoohyeon picks up her glass and downs the rest of her wine in one go, the liquid warming her already. </p><p>“I’m still going to try,” Yoohyeon says, sighing. “It’s the least I can do while we’re in the same place.” </p><p>Gahyeon raises her glass in a small toast. “I believe in you.” </p><p>The glass in Yoohyeon’s hand meets it halfway with a tiny <em> clink </em>. “Thanks, I need that.”</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “Sing,” Bora says, her arms beckoning Siyeon closer. They were all tired from P.E. class today, and Bora - much to her chagrin - is having a difficult time in swimming class. “Come hug me. I’m tired.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Siyeon dives straight into Bora’s arms, tumbling with laughter.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon watches from her seat, wondering if she could do the same with Yubin. Quiet, gentle Yubin who pulled away from being physical touch.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Were best friends supposed to be like that? Why can’t she be the way Bora is with Siyeon - hell, even the way Minji is with Handong - with Yubin?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They were eleven, now, and she’d only recently noticed that Yubin didn’t like those things, even from her mom and siblings.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Pouting, Yoohyeon reaches out to hold onto one of Yubin’s fingers as she writes on her planner, and Yubin lets her, doesn’t look at her, and after a few seconds she pulls away, writes, and then leaves for the library to return a few books as she said she would. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It just wasn’t Yubin’s thing.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon pulls away her hand too, and looks the other way, where Gahyeon has her lunch beside her.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Everything okay?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah,” Yoohyeon lies, and their youngest doesn’t really buy it. “Yubin won’t hold my hand.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She looks to Siyeon and Bora, who are passed out on the seat, their fingers linked together. Even at sleepovers, they looked like that.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Gahyeon dusts her hands off the crumbs from her sandwich and cleans them with a wet wipe, reaching for Yoohyeon’s hand. “It’s okay, I’ll hold it then.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon laughs, the weird feeling she’d felt - maybe something akin to rejection, to shame - when Yubin had pulled away from her already floating away when Gahyeon smiles.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Sometimes people don’t like that, you know?” Gahyeon tells her, sipping from her juice box. “But that doesn’t mean she loves you less.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She sighs, trying to understand, but she knows whatever Gahyeon tells her is true.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Their youngest, also the sweetest and tells it as it is. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin had fondly called her their little fox, like the one from the Little Prince. Clever, wise — everything that Gahyeon was, and the nickname had stuck. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p>“All set?” </p><p>Handong exhales, nodding.</p><p>“Got your vows?” </p><p>Handong nods, brandishing the folded piece of paper, and there are small dots of perspiration on Handong’s forehead which Yoohyeon dabs away. She hasn’t seen Handong this nervous since forever. “Always have it on me.” </p><p>That makes Yoohyeon roll her eyes. “You are such a sap when you want to be.” </p><p>“It’s a free country,” Handong teases back, “I can be a sap whenever I want. Stay out of my business.” </p><p>Yoohyeon laughs, folding the piece of used tissue, watching as Handong turns to see Yubin waiting outside the Rolls Royce, and everyone waiting for Handong to leave the car to walk Handong down the aisle in place of her dad.</p><p>“God, this is it,” Handong murmurs. “I’m going to marry Minji. After all these years.” </p><p>Yoohyeon fixes the lily behind Handong’s ear. “You are, but not in this car you aren’t, so you need to get out there.” </p><p>The bride turns back to her, her brows furrowed. “What if she regrets it? What if my family tries something and hurts her and -” </p><p>Yoohyeon puts a finger across her lips to keep her quiet. “She’s out there, waiting for you,” she soothes, but says it firmly. “Minji loves you more than anything on this earth, and you know that anyone who tries to get in your way will be dealt with by her frankly terrifying alter ego who knows how to fight.” </p><p>Handong laughs, and it’s shaky, but she smiles brightly. “We got here.”</p><p>“You did.” </p><p>“And now she’s outside, waiting for me, so I can be her wife.” </p><p>Yoohyeon nods. “Exactly.” </p><p>Handong takes Yoohyeon in a sweet embrace. “You’re the best, Yooh,” she smiles. “The best and the strongest.”</p><p>She’d debunk that with how many buckets of tears she shed purely on this vacation alone, but Yoohyeon only nods, embraces her friend tighter. “I love you, Dongie, and you are the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth,” she says, and it’s true. The dress looks amazing, and somehow Handong looks more like a goddess today than on regular days. “Now get your butt out there.” </p><p>Handong nods, and Yoohyeon takes it as a sign to exit the car, giving everyone a thumbs up that Handong is coming out. </p><p>Yubin is on the other side of the door, holding it open for Handong. </p><p>She looks so handsome in her suit, and she feels her heart surge to her throat at the sight of it. Bathed in the afternoon light, her skin is the lovely tan it is, and her hair wisped away by the wind. </p><p>Yoohyeon has always thought Yubin was beautiful, and seeing her now is such a sobering realization. </p><p>The world almost collapses underneath her feet when Yubin looks at her, gives her a curt smile for the first time since this whole debacle started. </p><p>“Yoohyeon,” Yubin says, and it’s the first time Yubin has spoken to her for the duration of this entire wedding. “You look lovely.” </p><p>The world feels like it stopped in its tracks, and Yoohyeon doesn’t know what to do, what to say, what to feel, and she’s operating purely on instinct at this point. So Yoohyeon only smiles curtly in return, even as she feels the blush crawling up her neck, because ten years ago this was all she wanted, all she could have asked for. </p><p>Ten years later, Yoohyeon finds that she still wants it just the same. Maybe a little less desperate, a little more sure of herself, but she wants it. <em> How she wants </em>. </p><p>“You look great too,” she says, and she’s glad she even has a voice. There’s not much time to process it because everyone is waiting for Handong, so Yoohyeon ducks her head to exit as gracefully as she can, as if the person she has been aching about hadn’t called her lovely the way she had always wanted, and starts to walk the aisle to the wedding band to join their friends at the altar.</p><p>It’s surreal, seeing all her friends in one place again, dressed in the lovely white outfits Minji and Handong had picked out for them. Minji, as Yoohyeon had expected, looks just as much as a goddess as Handong does. She’s already crying when Yoohyeon smiles at her, joining them, but it’s no match for when Minji finally sees Handong, attached to Yubin’s arm, walking along the aisle covered in petals. </p><p>From here, Yoohyeon can see Handong’s eyes are misty as she tries her best not to cry, but she fails miserably when she sees Minji and at that moment it feels like they’re the only two people in the world, and from the way the two look at each other, they might as well be. </p><p>“I’m the luckiest woman on earth,” Minji says, when Handong finally steps in front of her. There are tears in their eyes, and Yoohyeon feels streaks down hers too. </p><p>They’ve been through so much, and Yoohyeon does her best not to pull a face when Handong - greasy when she wants to be - says: “well, that’s a coincidence because I thought I’d take that title.” </p><p>The ceremony starts, and Yoohyeon catches Bora laughing across her, and she’s about to ask why until she looks at her side to see Siyeon making a face, effectively making Bora laugh. </p><p>She hadn’t seen something like that in so long. </p><p>Beside her, it seems like Yubin notices too, because it’s the first time she’d ever seen Yubin smile the way she is right now - pure fondness and love and relief. </p><p>Inevitably, Yubin does meet her eyes across the altar.</p><p>The smile subsides, but only slightly, and Yubin gives her a curt nod. </p><p><em> You look lovely, </em>she had said moments ago, and Yoohyeon tries not to think too hard about it. Tries not to give herself hope. Tries not to be excited about the fact that maybe she’ll get a chance to talk to Yubin about all of this. </p><p>As expected, she fails to do so. </p><p>-</p><p><em> “Wow,” she says </em> <em> , looking at herself in the mirror. She can barely recognize herself because the way Bora did her makeup is a sweet spot between a little smoky, but still sweet, fitting Yoohyeon’s features perfectly.  </em></p><p>
  <em> She’d asked Bora to pick out a dress for her, and to do her makeup. Yoohyeon wanted to look nice, and Bora had gone out of her own way to make sure Yoohyeon did.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Even though she and Yubin weren’t going as a pair, like Bora and Siyeon, they were going to be seated beside each other, and maybe dancing a little if Yoohyeon is feeling confident. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It must be the eyeliner. There’s something that’s changing her body chemistry, and she can imagine why Bora loves wearing it when they go to parties, or when she acts onstage. Yoohyeon might need a bottle for herself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tonight was the night she’d tell Yubin how she felt - not because she’s expecting anything, but just because maybe she would feel better. Maybe it would feel less like a burden, now that it’s out there. Maybe it would feel less like a terrible thing that she’s keeping from her own best friend.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (But maybe the chances of Yubin reciprocating could increase, if Yoohyeon felt a little pretty today.)  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If Yubin doesn’t think you’re the most beautiful girl in the room, she’s an idiot,” Bora tells her, and Siyeon agrees, and Yoohyeon blushes under their attention, and sits on the bed, trying to be brave, at least for tonight.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> When Yubin sees her, she only stares, and Yoohyeon can’t read her expression, can’t understand, which makes her hurt because Yubin is her best friend but Yoohyeon doesn’t know what she’s thinking, doesn’t know what she feels in moments like this. Her eyes, however, take in Yubin’s form. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She wants to hear: “Yoohyeon, you look beautiful,” or “Yoohyeon, you look lovely,”, or “Yoohyeon, that dress looks so pretty on you.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Anything between those lines. Anything like that from Yubin.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Alas, Yubin says nothing but keeps staring, keeps watching her, and Yoohyeon doesn’t know what to think as they walk to their table.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> For the rest of the night, Yubin says nothing to her, and there is an inch of space between them that might as well be the ocean. Yoohyeon tries not to feel terrible about it, that Yubin doesn’t see her that way, that Yubin maybe doesn’t even think she’s pretty - but fails miserably.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> When Yoohyeon is crowned prom queen that night, she stands on the stage as she’s crowned, and her eyes search for Yubin in the crowd to see her stand as still as she always does, watching on as the crowd goes crazy, cheering Yoohyeon on. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin smiles at her, and it may not seem like it to anyone even Yubin, it feels like they’re the only two people in the room.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The DJ starts playing a slow song, and Yoohyeon wants to dance with Yubin. She wants to ask her and then maybe then can laugh about how awkward it would be, or maybe enjoy the slow song as couples around them start dancing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon looks everywhere for her, but can’t seem to find her inside, so Yoohyeon finds the exit of the tent to see if Yubin had gone out for fresh air, as she always does when social events get a little bit too stuffy, or if it had tired her to be in the middle of the crowd, watching Yoohyeon get crowned prom queen.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She sees Yubin, her back turned to her, at the gazebo, looking incredibly pretty in her own dress but also handsome. The fairy lights of the gazebo makes it very scenic, and Yoohyeon takes this as her chance. Maybe she can’t ask Yubin to dance, but she can tell Yubin tonight and finally free herself from this thing that has been eating her up inside.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But when Yoohyeon steps forward to walk towards her, she sees someone else in the gazebo. Yoohyeon doesn’t know who it is, especially since their head is bowed, offering Yubin a piece of paper.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s a confession.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon should go. She should leave. This is none of her business but Yubin would tell her about it later. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Right? Yubin would tell her? Yubin would tell her if she’d have feelings for someone. She’d say if anyone breaks her heart. She’d say if she fell in love with someone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The first crack in Yoohyeon’s heart is the realization that she isn’t entirely sure if Yubin would.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The second is that she’s afraid of Yubin loving someone else. That she wants to be the person Yubin loved. That she’d be the person Yubin would give her affections to.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The third is that Yubin hadn’t told her she was pretty after dressing up for her, after looking pretty for her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The fourth is that Yubin takes the letter from the girl confessing to her, and Yoohyeon can’t take any more of it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s hard to breathe because she realizes she’s crying already, tears streaming down her face and probably making her makeup run.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon turns around, with her heart having several cracks in it. Then she runs to Siyeon and Bora. Runs, and runs, and runs.  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>“I don’t know how to top that, really,” Yoohyeon says into the mic. “Trust a Leo to set the bar. People aren’t as interesting as you, you know. Goodness.” </p><p>The audience laughs and Bora does too, giving her a playful thumbs down. “Hi, I’m Yoohyeon, and I’m Handong’s maid-of-honor, and as much as I hate to admit it, the seven minutes in heaven story is a hundred percent true.” </p><p>Minji covers her face with her hands, as Yoohyeon chuckles and continues. “These two people… I think none of this would have happened if they didn’t work for it. Love is so much work, and Minji and Handong worked their hardest.” She smiles at them. “Like Bora said, they’re shining examples of what being brave looks like. Of what it can do. Of what it can bloom into. Every day I’m reminded of it, as expected from my two very stable friends who got married at 28 and have their life together at that age.”</p><p>The audience laughs and cheers, and Handong taps Yoohyeon’s ass in joking admonishment. “They’re the best people I know, and they make me want to be better. I think that’s what I can say for all of us bridesmaids here.” </p><p>When Yoohyeon raises her glass for a toast, she meets Yubin’s eyes, and she can’t read her, can’t figure out what she’s thinking, doesn’t know what to say — </p><p>Then Yubin smiles. A small one, the raising of the corner of her lips.</p><p>Yoohyeon smiles back, and says: “To Minji and Handong!” </p><p> </p><p>Yoohyeon nurses her second drink for the night as she watches Bora and Yubin dance, quite awkwardly if she says so herself. </p><p>They talk, in hushed tones, and Yoohyeon can only wonder what it is they’re saying to each other out of curiosity and never jealousy. </p><p>She knows Bora and Yubin’s friendship is founded on some odd sense of trust and straightforwardness that Yoohyeon could not even begin to understand. It amuses her, and she feels sorry that this whole situation hadn’t let them be that way for each other often.</p><p>Yoohyeon can only imagine that’s also what Bora feels about her and Siyeon being friends, because years ago Bora had told her that she hates getting in the way of her and Siyeon’s friendship, and that if they wished to be closer still despite the distance, she shouldn’t worry - under the condition that she doesn’t tell Bora about it. </p><p>She laughs into her drink, remembering to tease Bora for the space between her and Yubin’s bodies as they danced with the newlyweds and other couples on the dancefloor.</p><p>There’s a hand on her shoulder, and it pulls Yoohyeon’s attention away from Yubin and Bora’s dance, and Yoohyeon looks up to see Siyeon with the same fond and amused face. </p><p>“They never really changed, huh?” Siyeon says, laughing when Yoohyeon understands immediately. “The space between their bodies looks like it could fit an entire football field. God.” </p><p>“You know how Yubin is with touch.” </p><p>“Touch with <em> Bora. </em>” </p><p>“Exactly.” </p><p>There’s silence, as they watch, and then Siyeon turns to her. “Wanna smoke weed for a bit outside? I have some on me.” </p><p>Yoohyeon is out of her seat immediately to follow Siyeon. </p><p> </p><p>They share one joint, and it’s barely going to make a dent, but she associates moments like this with the comfort of being in Siyeon’s easy company. </p><p>The last time they’d done this was in Yoohyeon’s apartment back in New York, six years ago, when Siyeon had visited and kindly asked Yoohyeon not to tell Bora, or let her know. </p><p>Bora wouldn’t know what to do with that information either. Knowing her, it could have thrown her right back into square one. </p><p>“She did that?” Siyeon asks, passing the blunt to her, as they sit on one of the benches a few meters away from the tent’s entrance. “Dang. Ice cold.” </p><p>Yoohyeon laughs. “That’s also what Gahyeon said.” </p><p>Siyeon gives it the last inhale before stubbing it on the metal garbage bin and tossing the roach inside. “Well, are you going to talk to her?” </p><p>“I want to. I’m not sure if she does.” </p><p>Siyeon purses her lips. “I really can’t speak for her, you know that, but… this whole thing is really hard for her too, I think. It’s really hard to adjust to not seeing each other and then suddenly you’re breathing the same air.” </p><p>Yoohyeon nods. Her heart aches a little bit, knowing Siyeon isn’t just referring to Yubin. This whole situation has been driving all of them crazy in their own ways. </p><p>Her friend looks back at Yubin and Bora, who are seated and talking over beers. “I think she’s thawing. So you have a chance to talk,” Siyeon tells her. “I don’t know what the outcome will be, but you know, but you can always try. I think she deserves that.” </p><p>“And if she never forgives me?” </p><p>Siyeon shrugs. “Then she doesn’t. But what if she does? What will you do?” </p><p>Yoohyeon doesn’t know, but her mind screams: <em> make it up to her, make it up to her, make it up to her. </em></p><p>“Have you?” Yoohyeon asks, and when Siyeon hums in question, she stipulates: “Forgiven Bora, I mean.”  </p><p>“The miserable thing is I’m trying to still be angry at her for that, and I couldn’t avoid her if I tried,” Siyeon laughs. “Not that I am. It kind of sucks, really. But… I don’t know. Missing her kinda weighs out anything right now.” </p><p>Yoohyeon nods. Even if the outcome is so uncertain for her and Yubin, she can at least wish that things are better for Bora and Siyeon. She says a little prayer to whoever is listening that Bora gets her shit together and takes this opportunity.</p><p>Leaning on Siyeon’s shoulder and thinking about Bora’s speech, Yoohyeon tries to be brave regardless of the outcome. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> It’s the first time she’s seeing Siyeon after years after Siyeon’s work brings her to the shores of America, and they promised to try not to talk about it - Bora, Yubin, and everything that happened - but Yoohyeon isn’t strong enough to hold off.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It seems like Siyeon isn’t, either.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You mean you haven’t opened that after all these years?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon shakes her head. She promised herself to read it when she’s ready all those years ago but she never had the strength to, and the sour thought of losing the rose Yubin had given her at the airport is unavoidably attached to it.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She still hasn’t forgiven her for losing the rose, and being so careless, even if Yoohyeon had intended to take care of it and maybe preserve it.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Siyeon looks at her expectantly. “Well. Are you going to?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon’s only response is to peel off the panda washi tape and to read it.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As usual, Yubin is someone of few words, but Yoohyeon feels each one deep within her:  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear Yoohyeon, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I hope this letter gives you comfort while you’re out and adjusting to America. It’s pretty scary, but I’m glad Bora is with you. I’m glad you have each other.  </em>
</p><p>
  <strike> <em> We’ve been through a lot </em> </strike>
</p><p>
  <em> Don’t forget me when you’re a famous writer. I won’t forget you when something I make makes it to the Billboard Top 100.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I<strike> lo</strike> I'll miss you and I care about you. I’m sorry that I never say it enough but, but I’m trying.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Take all the time that you need. Don’t be a stranger.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You’ll go places. I think we all will.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sincerely, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Sincerely?” Yoohyeon laughs, but it quickly dissolves into tears, because now she’s fucked it up. Now, she doesn’t know how to fix this. It’s been four years since they’ve spoken, Yubin’s messages left unread, and she feels terrible for letting this heartfelt, vulnerable one be the last thing Yubin had told her before the radio silence, for letting the space Yoohyeon had asked for to grow and never recover.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s hard to breathe from the tears, and when she looks at Siyeon, she’s crying too - probably from seeing Yoohyeon in the state she is, and because she had missed Bora too. Yoohyeon can tell from the way Siyeon looks at the pictures Yoohyeon had of Bora, scattered around the apartment.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m sorry,” Yoohyeon sobs, and she doesn’t know why she feels the need to apologize to Siyeon. But Siyeon had been left behind, maybe not by Yoohyeon, and it feels so incredibly selfish. “I’m so s-sorry, Sing.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Siyeon doesn’t tell her it’s okay, doesn’t tell her that it’s fine leaving her behind because it isn’t, but she does hold Yoohyeon close as the two of them cry.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p>Bora slips beside her, a little flushed from the alcohol already. Honestly ever since they left their college days behind she had been so terrible holding in her liquor for the sake of a healthy lifestyle, which Yoohyeon, unfortunately, is trying to live as well. </p><p>“So. Are you guys going to talk or what?” </p><p>Yoohyeon watches Yubin, who plays with some of Minji’s nephews, dancing around with them. She’s always been good with children, in a way that Yoohyeon isn’t. “Maybe. I want to. What about you?” </p><p>Bora watches Siyeon, who joins in the fun, bringing in the nieces to dance. “I don’t know, Yoohyeon. Do I deserve her time?” </p><p>She remembers Siyeon’s words from outside. <em> Missing kinda weighs out everything right now. </em>“I don’t know,” she says. “But she does deserve an explanation, at least. I think you want to tell her, too.” </p><p>Bora sighs, leaning her head against Yoohyeon’s shoulder. “Feelings suck.”</p><p>Patting Bora’s head, Yoohyeon hums in agreement.</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “Bora,” she says, and Bora hums from her side of the bed. “Is it okay to like your best friend?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That rouses Bora, turning to face her. They don’t have school tomorrow, so they can sleep whenever they want. “Oh. Hmm. Are you asking me if it’s fine with me?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon nods. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah, I don’t see why not. If I liked Siyeon, would you think it’s weird?” Yoohyeon shakes her head, and Bora shrugs. “See? Not weird.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Do you?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora makes a face. “Ew, no,” she sticks her tongue out for emphasis. “Will you tell her? Yubin, I mean.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t know,” Yoohyeon says, honestly. Yubin has never shown interest in other people, and Yoohyeon honestly doesn’t know how Yubin is going to react. “You know how she is with these things.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bora knows, and she nods.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Sometimes I feel like it’s so hard to tell these things about her, and she’s my best friend,” Yoohyeon says, sighing. “We grew up together and we used to tell each other everything, but I don’t know how to tell her how I feel.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her friend laughs. “Feelings are so hard to talk about,” Bora reaches out to hold her hand. “But you can try. When you’re ready.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon doesn’t know when that is, or when that will be, but she finds hope in Bora’s words, and the bags of rocks on her chest feels slightly lifted.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p>She and Siyeon get some fresh air again, talking about nonsense and laughing along, and when they make their way inside again, Yoohyeon doesn’t watch where she’s going and bumps into a waiter, holding several drinks.</p><p>The collision is enough to send Yoohyeon back a few steps, and while there were no glasses that break, her dress is ruined with dark red wine. </p><p>“Miss, I’m so sorry,” the waiter says, looking mortified. </p><p>Yoohyeon only waves him off, apologizing as well. “No, it’s my fault, I’m sorry.” </p><p>Siyeon watches it unfold and looks pale seeing the expensive dress have a massive red stain at the front, and she moves to shed her jacket but stops. “Fuck, wait, I don’t have anything underneath. Let me go find you some more paper towels.” </p><p>Yoohyeon sits, the waiting still apologizing and offering her several pieces of paper towels, that Yoohyeon almost doesn’t recognize the hand on her shoulder.</p><p>She expects it to be Siyeon, back with more, but she looks up to see a tattooed arm, and finds Yubin in just a sleek tank top, offering her coat to her. </p><p>Yoohyeon freezes in her seat, and Yubin’s eyes are so unreadable even as she nudges the jacket closer to her. “Take it, Yoohyeon.” </p><p>Her arms are covered in tattoos, Yoohyeon isn’t in her right mind to process it just yet. </p><p>“I think you need to have that washed immediately,” Yubin suggests, and she’s right. Or else this lovely Lhuillier dress will be good for nothing. </p><p>“I need to go back for a change of clothing,” is the first thing Yoohyeon says, and she’s glad she doesn’t choke on her own words. “But I don’t know where to hail for taxis to take me back to the hotel.” </p><p>Yubin fishes for something in her pocket and brandishes her car keys. “I can take you.” </p><p>Yoohyeon shouldn’t feel like her heart is about to cave in, shouldn’t feel like she’s undeserving of this kindness, shouldn’t feel hope crawling under her skin that the look in Yubin’s eyes was no longer as cold as it was a few days ago, at the restaurant, only to be let down. </p><p>Then she thinks of the rose, the note, the letter, the moment during her speech and feels the hope get stronger, little by little, against her own will. </p><p>“Are you sure?” Yoohyeon asks, and it’s ridiculous how it’s now more than ever that she feels the ocean and ten years between them. </p><p>For the first time that night, Yubin smiles - a real one, but it doesn’t match her eyes, which after all these years Yoohyeon can't read. “Come on. Let’s save that Lhuillier dress before it’s too late.” </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em> “Hey, you.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon laughs, standing in front of Yubin. “Hey. This is it, huh?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin laughs. “I guess so,” she twists a bit to get something from her backpack and brandishes a yellow letter and a rose. “Just a little something from me.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon takes it carefully, feeling her emotions surge, and her heart breaking at the same time.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m proud of you,” Yubin says quietly. “You’re brilliant and you’ll go places.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon feels the tears coming, and wants to stay, wants to be with Yubin even if it hurts, even if being in this liminal place with Yubin feels like her wounds are being opened all the goddamn time.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Impress everyone with that big brain of yours, yeah?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon nods, and she feels her tears drip from her chin to her forearms. “Yeah, I’ll try to use it for good.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yubin grins, a real, wide smile. It’s rare to see it these days, and she honestly saw it more often when they were children. “I know you will.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She hugs Yubin so tightly, and this time, Yubin doesn’t pull away.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m sorry if I need space,” she murmurs as much as she can as she sobs, missing the feeling of Yubin in her arms already.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s okay, take all the time you need,” Yubin tells her. “Just promise me you won’t be a stranger. And promise me you’ll take care of this flower and yourself.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yoohyeon nods, and cries even more, knowing she probably won’t be able to keep any of those promises to her.  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>All this angst and hurt brought to you by thai bl 'i told sunset about you' (please watch that) and own personal angst and hurt</p><p>Let me know your thoughts :]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. end - set apart by the skyline, i'll be glad to break through</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s a nice, cool night when they step out of the tent, and Bora feels better already despite her heated face and the heaviness of her limbs. She doesn’t dare lean in closer to Siyeon, who would be such a nice person to lean on right now, but Bora can walk in a straight line, thank you very much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon leads them to the parking lot, weaving through a few cars of some of the attendees. “I hope you don’t mind if we go on my motorbike?” She says, and they stop in front of a gorgeous bike. It’s silver and black and a BMW, and Bora doesn’t have to know much about motorcycles to know this is a good and expensive one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m wearing a dress,” she says, looking down at her outfit. She had some cycling shorts underneath but it would still feel a bit weird. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And oh god. She’d have to sit close to Siyeon and wrap her arms around her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon moves to unbutton her coat until she curses under her breath. “God, I should have not told Yubin to mind her own business when she told me to wear something underneath,” she says, buttoning it again. Bora looks away, trying not to imagine that Siyeon had nothing underneath the lovely coat. “Wait! I think I have something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She takes her keys and opens the compartment to pull out a black leather jacket and a spare helmet. “You can put it over your legs,” then Siyeon hands over the dark red helmet to Bora, a dark blue one under her arm. “Here’s yours. Your hair’s gonna get a little messed up, sorry. If anything, this is kinda loose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora doesn’t mind. She takes the helmet and tries to put it on, struggling a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Much to her fears, Siyeon steps in and assists her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” she says, softly, and it echoes inside the helmet as she pushes it down to fit Bora’s head snugly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s so close, from here Bora can see how much Siyeon’s face has changed, and how it’s still the same. The harsh but ambient light of the lamppost was also not helping to regulate her breathing and the way Siyeon is so warm is kicking her stomach around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon is too preoccupied checking if it fits, but her eyes are so gentle and there’s a smile on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All good?” She says, finally looking at Bora, and it feels like walls collapsing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora wants to say many things, so many things, but they have tonight. She’ll fight to have tonight with Siyeon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All good,” Bora replies, and Siyeon puts on her helmet and mounts her bike. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bike zooms across the highway and it’s the most alive Bora has felt in years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It reminds her of those nights they just loved driving around in Siyeon’s shitty pickup truck except this time it’s cooler and a little more dangerous - but Bora has never felt unsafe with Siyeon and ten years later, she finds later that this time around is no different. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they stop at a red light, Siyeon pulls up the shield and Bora does the same. “You okay? I’m not going too fast?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re good,” Bora says, she wished Siyeon would go faster but knowing Bora’s safety is in her hands, there’s no force on this earth that can make her do that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon, through the coat, is warm. She has a moderate grip on Siyeon’s waist, enough for her to feel safe and enough for her not to lose her sanity. Siyeon’s perfume is soft and delicate, and Bora can’t get enough of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora drowns out her self-flagellation and allows herself to lean in closer to Siyeon, the helmet to the top of Siyeon’s spine in a pathetic attempt to be closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’ve ever been here,” Bora looks up at the coffee shop sign as she flattens her hair. It looks new and very youthful. The types she would hang out in when she was in New York.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It opened just a few years ago,” Siyeon says, placing the helmets and the jacket on the seat. “I come here a lot whenever I’m home. The owners just moved in recently.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That would explain it. Siyeon opens the door for her and they step in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sing, hey!” The barista greets. He notices Bora, and gives Siyeon a knowing smile as they approach. “What can I get you and this lovely miss right here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora rolls her eyes, but she likes him already. He has an earnest smile and such young, bright eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get the usual, Mark,” Siyeon says, and the boy has a cup ready to write on it. She nudges Bora gently. “What about you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Peach tea would be fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon laughs. “You still really like that, huh?” She turns to Mark. “Well, you heard her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark laughs, getting to work, as Siyeon and Bora wait at the counters. She still doesn’t know what to say that isn’t everything she’s wanted to say all these years, but thankfully Mark fills the silence as the coffee machine whirrs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How come I’ve never seen you before, miss?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m based in the States for my work,” Bora says. “I used to live here, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, really? I’m from there! That’s so cool you came back though,” he says, completing Siyeon’s simple order then starts on Bora’s order. “Must be really nice to see each other again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She feels her heart trip over itself, but she takes the moment to be a little braver than she has been. Bora looks at Siyeon, matches her gaze for a moment that had felt longer than it should, before turning to Mark. “Yeah,” she says, and Bora feels how much she means it deep in her bones. “It really is. You have no idea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment is there, and she feels it build, and Bora is sure anyone in this room can feel it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark fills the rest of the silence with idle chatter, completely unaware of how that admission must have felt to her and Siyeon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He puts their orders on the counter and they take it, but not without Mark giving Siyeon an exaggerated wink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon rolls her eyes but Bora laughs, waving him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You bring girls here often?” Bora asks, teasing Siyeon and bumping their shoulders a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other woman scrunches her nose before sipping from her very sweet coffee. She’s not surprised Siyeon still likes tons of sugar in her drinks. “In this town? Please. Not much prospect here except maybe older women,” she stops, then stipulates, “married, mind you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora laughs, taking a seat in front of the tall windows. “I thought you may have lived your older woman’s younger lover dreams by now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon laughs too, rubbing the back of her neck shyly. Boyish and charming, as she’s always been. “Yeah, I’ve just settled admiring older women from afar,” she says, and the blush on her face is so telling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way…” Bora starts. “Spill.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Siyeon does. Turns out a few years ago, Siyeon had gotten involved in a very complicated relationship with an older - and unwedded, of course, because Siyeon isn’t like that - woman, but it hadn’t really ended well. Bora can’t believe her ears, and can’t believe that she had expected herself to feel at least a few twinges of pain hearing about the people Siyeon had been with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora finds that she only feels amusement and fondness. The conversation is easy from there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s easy to ask about how Siyeon’s doing, it’s easy to be proud of her. It’s easy to talk about what she’s been up to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talking to Siyeon has always been easy. Laughing even easier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(It’s not easy to talk about why they didn’t know about all of these things about each other in the first place.) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the middle of Bora talking about her first production, Mark approaches them, looking apologetic. “Sorry to say this ladies, but we’re closing for the night.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They don’t stay any longer. They take their cups, say good night to the barista, and head out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any news on Yoohyeon?” Siyeon says, opening the door for Bora again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora checks her phone to see no notification. She sends her a quick ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>you ok?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> message, then locks it. “Nothing yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon nods. “I should head home but I can’t leave you here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It strikes Bora that that’s the second time Siyeon had opted to keep her company and not leave her high and dry, and with a tight wire barbed around her heart, Bora remembers she had done the exact opposite to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can just leave me at the hotel lobby,” she says, waving it off. She doesn’t want the guilt to keep eating at her, but she knows it’s only going to get out of hand if tonight ends and she’d never got to tell Siyeon any of the truths that mattered tonight. She could keep herself entertained but she would just end up thinking about Siyeon and having the chance to apologize and talk about things and not having taken it. “And I liked being with you. I missed you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That makes Siyeon stop in her tracks, and behind the happy veneer, something brief flashes across her face - sadness? Heartbreak? Anger? Bora doesn’t know - and it’s gone. She looks away, and the ache in Bora’s heart makes itself known once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up again, Siyeon only smiles, offering Bora her helmet. “If you wanna sit in my kitchen and share some of the snacks my mom always had in her fridge, you should put this on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora doesn’t want to leave just yet, so she takes the helmet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Her fingers linger on the ‘call’ button, and Bora can barely see from the tears welling up and threatening to fall. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The contact name says ‘Lee Singnie’ and Bora, with her heart broken by another girl, presses the button. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It rings for a few seconds, and Bora just wants the ache to stop, wants her heart to be taken out of her chest. She wants to say sorry, and apologize, and talk to Siyeon because Siyeon had only ever seen her like this. Siyeon had only ever heard her cry this much. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The line clicks and she knows Siyeon is on the other end. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Bora?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bora, her heart breaking even more, ends the call and pulls up Yoohyeon’s contact to ask her to come over. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment Yoohyeon takes the coat, she knows she has to follow through with the rest of the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin, for once during this entire holiday, is actually so close. So goddamn close. Yoohyeon would be an idiot and a coward to let this go, and to finally do what she’d been meaning to all these years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin is right in front of her. Real. Here. Not a figment of her imagination whose face she could never read or understand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Of course, there’s a wall, one that Yoohyeon isn’t sure she can cross, but it’s there for a reason.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon takes the coat and tries to be brave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walk in silence, their shoes tapping against the pavement. The cool wind was drying up her dress, so Yoohyeon isn’t too worried about filling the extremely heavy silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stop in front of a silver Lexus, and Yubin unlocks it with her car keys. Yubin steps forward and pulls one of the car’s two doors open, which she didn’t really have to, and lets Yoohyeon slide in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s comfortable, obviously luxurious, and Yoohyeon knows it’s because Yubin and Siyeon are making lots of money producing for top acts in the country and outside it. Even when Yubin presses the button to get the engine running, the purr of the engine is enough to tell Yoohyeon this car costs a lot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Good for Yubin, really. It’s what she’s dreamed since they were kids. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you staying?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Marriott.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin whistles. “Fancy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon takes the liberty to laugh a little. “You know Handong,” she says. Handong would only want the best for all of them. “What about you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Peninsula,” Yubin says, peeling the car out to the driveway and onto the street. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fancy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know Handong.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then silence. The radio isn’t on, and all Yoohyeon can hear are her breaths, her bracelet charms bumping against each other, and her intrusive thoughts making itself known so early into the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin, even after all these years, knows how much Yoohyeon hates quiet car rides. She reaches over to the radio to turn it on, pressing a few buttons. The speakers start playing loud guitars and a thrumming bass line which Yoohyeon recognizes to be Joy Division - Siyeon’s favorite band. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, my brother used this before I did,” Yubin apologizes. Without looking away from the road, she presses a button again and Yubin hands her the aux cord. “You can choose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon waves her off. She honestly missed listening to Joy Division with Siyeon, and sometimes Yubin’s brother’s music whenever they hung out at Yubin’s house to play Pokémon on summer afternoons. They let </span>
  <em>
    <span>Disorder </span>
  </em>
  <span>play and fade into the background, filling the space better than words that should be said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s your brother?” Yoohyeon asks, and it’s a miserable attempt at conversation - but she’s curious, and she wants to hear Yubin talk. What she says is secondary to the sound of her voice she hasn’t heard in years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty good,” Yubin says, turning a corner. “He works with us at Wolfbear as a sound engineer. How about your siblings?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All of them are done with college, so you know, they’re the ones helping at home while I’m away,” Yoohyeon replies, trying her best to not ogle at the tattoos covering Yubin’s arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She fails. It’s hard to not notice the intricate details wrapped around Yubin’s arm. There are lots of vines, of music staff, of written words that Yoohyeon can’t really read much in the darkness - only catching glimpses of it because of the streetlights passing through the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hears Yubin talk, and that’s when Yoohyeon realizes she’s staring - or zoning out. Either way, it doesn’t look good. “Hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said it’s nice, seeing your siblings grow up,” Yubin repeats, in the gentle and calm way she does when she has to say something again because Yoohyeon wasn’t paying attention. “But the growing up part… maybe not so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s been my entire mood since I’ve been at this wedding,” Yoohyeon tells her. “Being in the library sort of solidified that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a pause, a very heavy one, and Yoohyeon only realizes what she says when Yubin spares her a glance - which she can’t read, can’t understand. “You’ve been to the library?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Yoohyeon replies carefully. “It was the first place I went to after I slept my jet lag away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin doesn’t say anything at first, turning another corner. Yoohyeon wonders if she’d said the wrong thing, if she should have lied, if she should have -</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Must’ve been nice seeing the librarians,” Yubin says fondly. “They were waiting for you to drop by.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon smiles, thumbing the fabric of Yubin’s sleeves. “It was nice. I honestly wished I visited more. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> visit more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wants to bring up the library improvements. The postcards. The J900.77 copy of Little Prince. She wants to say sorry, to say that the way Yubin has a wall between them was her own doing in the first place even if it hurt so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A couple of degrees in literature but Yoohyeon can’t find the words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yubin,” Yoohyeon starts and realizes she doesn’t know how to continue. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry for all these years and losing that rose</span>
  </em>
  <span>, doesn’t cut it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I read your note inside the book and it destroyed me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, isn’t all that she wants to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she ends lamely. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you for bringing me back to the hotel, for talking to me even if I don’t deserve it.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yoohyeon says neither of those and settles with: “For looking after the library while I was away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t even dare mention that it was one of their promises to each other. That they’d come back and spark some life back into the place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They did - just not on good terms. Just with so much distance between them, moving around each other like ghosts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your thesis was remarkable. The library couldn’t have done it without you,” Yubin says, quietly, in a very sober and somber way, and after all these years Yoohyeon still knows she should brace herself for what’s coming next. After all these years, Yoohyeon is right. Yubin spares her a glance, and it’s cold but hurting and it makes Yoohyeon feel like breaking again. “But I didn’t do it for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d expected it, but it still breaks her heart to pieces. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You deserve it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the ugly voice in Yoohyeon’s head tells her, but she shuts it down the best she can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Yoohyeon says, her heart breaking. “I didn’t expect you to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin doesn’t reply, and the rest of the ride to the hotel is done in relative silence, save for Joy Division playing through the speakers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here we are,” is the first thing Yubin says after five minutes. It was a quick drive since there were no other cars and it was quite late, but it had been the longest five minutes of Yoohyeon’s life; the seconds they weren’t looking at each other or talking made the seconds drag against each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t even say sorry. They couldn’t even talk about those ten years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon folds the jacket neatly the way she knows Yubin likes, and if she wasn’t heartbroken and terrified she would think about the small smile on Yubin’s face as she does so. The wine has dried on her dress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she unbuckles her seatbelt, Yoohyeon already starts thinking about what she’ll do once she’s back in her room - take off the dress, have it laundered, write a bit more and complain to Bora about this night, wallow waist-deep in remorse and self-loathing until - </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” she murmurs as she subtly tries to reach behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Forgot something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>God, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yoohyeon thinks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I wish it were that instead. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“This dress,” Yoohyeon says, giving up and thumping her head against the car seat and looking at Yubin, who is as concerned as she can be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon swallows her embarrassment and puts on a brave face. “I can’t take this dress off.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes a few beats for Yubin to respond. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t take this dress off. I need help,” Yoohyeon murmurs, looking down at Yubin, who watches her carefully. “I’m sorry to ask, but you can say no.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon doesn’t expect anything. She’d stopped expecting things from Yubin the moment she’d left for America. She didn’t deserve being brought here, much less being helped out of this predicament. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would be easier for Yubin to say no. She would never take it against her. They could pretend this night never happened, and they’d see each other in a few years, and it would probably still hurt just as much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Yubin had always surprised Yoohyeon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nods - somewhat stiffly - her hands gripping the steering wheel. “Let’s get this to a valet and I can come with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin starts driving the car towards the valet booth, the tires crunching beneath them, and Yoohyeon feels all the cracks inside her multiply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You won’t get mad if I asked for space?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yubin characteristically shrugs. “If that’s what you want.” She stares at the sky, but Yubin turns to Yoohyeon. “I just want to know why.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yoohyeon lets out a breath through puffed cheeks in hopes of easing the pain in her chest. “I… don’t know either. I think I just need some time to breathe,” Yoohyeon says, and Yubin - as usual - is stoic as ever. “I feel like there’s so much for me to understand about myself.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She leaves out the very obvious, unspoken: ‘about us, about what you mean to me and what I mean to you’. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yubin nods, and Yoohyeon almost regrets it, because a hand reaches out to hers across the blanket in a firm grip. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yoohyeon feels the tears spill over, and neither of them says anything about it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bike’s rumble comes to a halt when Siyeon shuts off the engine and kicks on the center stand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon’s parking lot is the same, and it only has a few more cracks than before, but they’re barely noticeable. It's as if she’d stepped into the past. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora dismounts with a little difficulty, but she manages. Siyeon follows shortly after, and they take off their helmets at the same time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not much has changed about Siyeon’s home. She remembers spending so much of her time here she practically grew up in it, and seeing things like the misaligned fence where Bora had skinned her knees it left a permanent bump on her skin sends her back some.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom never changed anything about the house,” Siyeon tells her, and Bora’s sure she can read her mind. She isn’t too sure about what she feels about that. “Since she and dad are the only ones here now. My sister lives with her family and I live closer to Wolfbear and other production houses.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a particular creak on the porch step that’s always been there, and Bora remembers afternoons spent here, drinking soda and eating noodles Siyeon’s mom cooked for the seven of them. Sometimes she and Siyeon would just sit on the steps and watch the sky and talk about everything, and she remembers wanting to kiss Siyeon so many times in this same place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, where’d all the time go?” Bora murmurs, touching the handrail. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon only laughs. “If I knew the answer, I’d tell you. Come on inside.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They toe off their shoes as Siyeon unlocks the front door, and they’re greeted by Siyeon’s mom still watching late-night soaps on the living room couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looks just about ready to talk Siyeon’s ear off for coming home late into the night, but the woman looks past her to see that Siyeon has company. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bora?” Mrs. Lee says, standing up to get a closer look. Siyeon turns on the incandescent lights so it’s a little brighter, and Bora sees that Mrs. Lee looks a little older with a few grey streaks, but her kind eyes are the same, and familiar because she sees them in Siyeon too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my goodness, it is you!” Before Bora knows Mrs. Lee takes her into a tight embrace. Bora returns the embrace, but not without noticing the way Siyeon watches the scene unfold. “My, you’ve grown into a beautiful young woman.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora giggles, hiding her smile behind her hand. “Please, auntie, that’d be you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever the flatterer,” Mrs. Lee says, pinching Bora’s cheek. “Where have you been all these years?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“New York, directing plays, that kinda thing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs. Lee gasps, visibly impressed, then she leans in to whisper. “Have you found yourself a nice man? Or woman? I don’t even know anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora lets out a laugh, but she spares Siyeon a glance to see her watching carefully. Fond, but a little distant. Maybe she’s afraid of Bora’s answer or maybe she doesn’t want to know if Bora has ever thought of settling down. She doesn’t know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, not really,” she says, ducking her head a little. “Got caught up in a lot of things.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs. Lee clucks her tongue, but she’s smiling. “The world moves too fast for you, dear, I can see why,” she leans in closer to faux-whisper. “Can you at least tell this girl over here to settle down and to give me grandkids? You have to keep the ball rolling for Minji-yah and Dongie, I’m not getting any younger.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom!” Siyeon exclaims.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon’s indignance pulls a laugh from Bora and Mrs. Lee, who lets go of Bora’s hands. “I’m just kidding, Singnie.” She reaches over to pinch Siyeon’s cheek too, but a little more in a smothering motherly way. “You two catch up and let me know if you guys want to eat anything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re sharing some strawberry milk in the kitchen, and she remembers spending so much time doing their homework and projects on the kitchen table, working late into the night. Minji and Handong used to hold hands under the table, the way Siyeon would with her. Yubin and Yoohyeon would be on the couch reading something with Gahyeon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels a little absurd wearing thousand-dollar dresses, with Siyeon looking sharper than ever in her suit, as they drink their favorite milk from cartons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never had a girlfriend you brought home?” Bora says, looking over the counter to see Siyeon’s mom sniffling a little because of the drama. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon makes a face. “Not really,” she says, setting aside her milk carton. “No one was really worth the effort. And my parents have high standards, no one will be good enough for them.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That, Bora knows. Her parents were the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except maybe if it had been Siyeon. She thinks her parents would be more than fine with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Siyeon looks at her, her gaze open and heavy from across her, Bora knows she’s thinking the same thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora isn’t ready for that conversation yet. “So that means you never brought any other girl to your room, huh?” She tries, and it’s said lightly, hoping to change the way this conversation feels. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon laughs, her shoulders shaking. “No, not even. You wanna come up and see for yourself? Untinged by premarital sex.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snorts, reaching over to shove Siyeon a little bit and throw her own empty carton of strawberry milk. “Ugh, you’re insufferable. Let’s go see it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora doesn’t know what to expect but she certainly did not think she’d ever see Siyeon’s room ever again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Siyeon pushes the door open, it’s arranged pretty much the same, except with more musical instruments and equipment - half arranged and half scattered about. Seems like Siyeon had been busy writing or making music here at home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, it’s still the same cozy feeling whenever she steps in. Still very Siyeon. Still feels like home even if she doesn’t deserve to feel that way after everything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry it’s a mess,” Siyeon says, taking some of the papers and pens from the bed to dump them on the desk near her window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” Bora replies. It’s true, a slight tease, but it feels a little heavy. Somehow being back in Siyeon’s childhood bedroom makes the weight in her chest heavier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The walls are lined with new posters of movies Bora hadn’t seen before and some more artists, but above Siyeon’s bed was still the same One OK Rock poster, and beside it are Joy Division vinyls framed in aluminum. There are still pictures of their friends, and unsurprisingly she finds none of just the two of them, when Siyeon had more. There are still League of Legends action figures, which is definitely very characteristic of Siyeon, in the middle of a framed picture of her and Yubin at Wolfbear Records.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s about to hurt like no one’s business until she notices it, tucked at the corner of the shelf. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You kept that?” Bora points at the snowglobe with their pictures on it. There was a fair and they had messed around with the photo booth, and split the price of having it taken and put in a glass snow globe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora never threw hers away either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon, from her seat on the bed, cranes her neck a little. When she sees what Bora was referring to, she Bora can’t read her face. Fond? Wistful? Sad? All of it? Bora doesn’t know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah,” Siyeon says, laughing, maybe a little embarrassed. “I, uh. I’m barely here. But I don’t really see any reason I should throw that away. We were really cute.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon stands to join Bora and reaches for the snow globe to wipe the dust off with her very expensive coat. She hands it to Bora with a little shake, and Bora takes it in her hands carefully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>cute. That fair had been so fun, and they’d all hung out on the Ferris wheel, and then Bora had slept over at her place to play some League with her and Yoohyeon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Those were the days. She feels herself smile, looking at their photo, with terrible hats and poorly bleached hair, but they were happy. So, so happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s about to tease Siyeon about her backward hat, but she looks up at Siyeon watching her, observing her, in her very gentle but attentive way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora almost drops the snow globe, but she holds her ground. “What?” She laughs it off because it’s the only thing she can do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon shakes herself out of it with a shy chuckle. “Nothing,” she pauses. “It feels surreal to have you here again. I’m still reeling.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There goes the ache, again. There goes the guilt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora is good with words. Good at talking. But Siyeon looks at her like this and it’s all out the window. “Yeah, I get that,” she says, and hopes it’s enough to tell Siyeon that seeing her every time feels like a good dream where Bora will always wake up crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shakes the globe to fill the silence, but Siyeon does it for her. “What about you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon looks away, tucks her hands in her pockets. “Never had a partner you wanted to marry?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora laughs. Maybe that one girlfriend she’d called Siyeon for, but other than that, absolutely not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon pulls a face. “Not even one? I find that hard to believe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” She asks, curious, teasing. “You thought I’d get married? Settled down? Picket fence and all, bringing my two kids to football or piano or tutorials?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Siyeon shrugs, an unreadable expression on her face, and says “I wouldn’t know,” Bora’s heart breaks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a quiet lull, and the rift that seemed to have closed in the past hours makes itself known underneath their feet, and it feels as if there’s an ocean between them again. It feels so heavy and yet so delicate, so easy to break, and this is her chance. This is her moment. This is where she can finally be brave - but it’s so hard, so fucking hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grips the snow globe hard in her hands, as if it’s her lifeline, and takes a breath. Nothing. And another. Nothing. And another. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why can’t you say anything,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thinks. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is what you’ve wanted -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon, an angel, puts her hands on top of Bora’s. It’s the second time their hands have touched in ten years, and Bora feels it immensely now, in the privacy and intimacy of Siyeon’s childhood bedroom with no one watching, with no one else to make her feel terrible about the ten years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(In retrospect, no one else made herself feel more terrible about it than herself.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yoohyeon and Yubin are probably talking about it,” Siyeon says, her eyes so earnest and trusting and so hurt Bora wants to cave in on herself to crumple and cry. “Don’t you think it’s time for us, too?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora nods, and the tears start falling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like always, only Siyeon ever gets to see them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the ride up to the suite, no one talks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The elevator music is light and airy and fills the silence well, but it feels strangely ominous and Yoohyeon tries not to bounce on the balls of her feet in search of something to occupy her body with that isn’t trembling slightly or looking at Yubin, whose eyes are trained on the elevator screen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin isn’t talking. Yoohyeon isn’t sure if she wants to. So instead, she watches the elevator screen as well, clutching Yubin’s coat to her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>12… 13… 14…</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The doors slide open, and Yoohyeon waits for Yubin to step out only to see Yubin keep her hand on one side, wordlessly telling her to step out first, in her very characteristic way of saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>ladies first</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, she really didn’t have to but Yoohyeon knows how much Yubin takes stuff like this seriously. So she goes ahead and leaves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The walk to the room isn’t far, and Yoohyeon keys them inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey MTV,” Yoohyeon says, breaking the silence. “Welcome to my crib.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin makes a face at the joke, but she laughs, shutting the door behind her. It feels nice to make Yubin laugh. They used to love watching MTV, back in the day, and Yubin had wanted to be one of those billionaires with insane houses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for the mess, we were in a hurry earlier,” Yoohyeon apologizes when she notices the mess strewn about the hotel room. She’d woken up a little late, and Bora had to do her best to paint their faces in record time and still make them look beautiful. “ You know how Bora and I are.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin only shakes her head, and Yoohyeon wishes she’d say something, wishes she’d joke back, wishes she’d - </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought you’d kick the habit by now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pursing her lips, Yoohyeon sets down all her items and folds Yubin’s coat neatly on the bed, on top of the mess of their outfits for the rest of the holiday. “It’s in my genes. You know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t expect Yubin to respond, so Yoohyeon looks up at her and is ready to ask her to help her with her dress, and - </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do,” says Yubin, and it ruins Yoohyeon in such unimaginable ways two words could. It makes Yoohyeon stand completely still, her hands halting the movement of rummaging through her items. She can’t handle the way Yubin looks at her - pained, distant, but still the same eyes Yoohyeon loved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s nothing she can say to fill the silence that falls between them, heavy like lead, and Yoohyeon is about to fill it with more strained, idle chatter until Yubin stands next to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yoohyeon,” Yubin says, her voice quiet. She hums, looking up at Yubin, and their eyes meet. She wants to take in Yubin’s face, wants to see how much it’s changed these last 10 years up close and personal even if she doesn’t deserve it. She’s about to indulge, to watch on, but Yubin has a hand on her arm, nudging her a little. “Turn around.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right. This is why Yubin is here in the first place. Nothing more, nothing less. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She feels heat creep up to the back of her neck as she does as she’s told. Maybe this is for the better. Maybe it’s better she never sees Yubin up close, not with the same eyes and the new tattoos and the way she looks even more handsome than when they were teenagers--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing could have ever prepared her for the skin of Yubin’s fingers briefly touching the base of her neck. Her breath hitches against her will, and Yoohyeon purses her lips, screwing her eyes shut as the rest of the buttons of the back part of her dress is slowly undone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Three.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Four. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the world boils down to the last button, and Yoohyeon can’t move, can’t speak, even as the chill of the room’s air conditioning creeps down her back. There’s a ringing in her ears, and a blush on her cheeks, and Yubin still isn’t moving away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon isn’t sure if her heart can take any more of this. She clears her throat, suddenly so dry, and she can’t recognize her voice as she says: “Yubin.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From behind her, even from a relatively safe distance away, Yoohyeon can feel Yubin’s breath on her skin. “Hmm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take this off now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a beat. Then the spell is broken. Yubin steps away, and suddenly all the air that had been sucked out of the room is back again. Yoohyeon breathes in, stepping forward and turning back to look at Yubin, who looks just as dazed as Yoohyeon feels. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon dashes to the bathroom with a fresh set of clothes, shuts the door close and lets her back rest against the door. The back of her head thuds gently against it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get a grip,” Yoohyeon says, trying to shake off the feeling of Yubin’s hands unbuttoning her dress from behind. She removes the dress haphazardly and throws on a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fame Monster</span>
  </em>
  <span> shirt Minji bought for her when they saw Gaga at Madison Square Garden together years ago and some jeans. “You’ll be fine, dramatic bitch. Jeez.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looks at the wine stain on her Lhullier dress and breathes deeply one last time before opening the door, only to see Yubin eyeing a copy of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Eros the Bittersweet </span>
  </em>
  <span>on the table between the two beds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Yubin says, looking up at her, probably feeling a little apologetic getting caught. In this light, Yoohyeon can see the tattoos lining her arms, a hand in her pocket. “I couldn’t help myself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I’m reading it for work.” Yoohyeon says, leans against the wall. She hopes Yubin doesn’t ask about it. Hope she doesn’t find out that she’s writing about </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Little Prince</span>
  </em>
  <span> too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“New essay?” When Yoohyeon nods, Yubin looks back at the book. “I read your stuff. They’re phenomenal.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin nods. “I particularly liked the one on Bluets by Maggie Nelson. It reminded me of Siyeon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon smiles fondly, remembering how she’d written that essay thinking of their friend, who was the prince of blue more than anything. Siyeon, who isn’t much of a reader, read the book and the essay and loved it. “That was a favorite.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seemed like it. It was very… vibrant, I think. More so than your other works.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wants to say more, ask more about what Yubin thinks of her works, but the Lhuillier dress in her arms is slowly laying to waste the more they stand here. Yubin seems to notice as well. “I’d love to hear your thoughts on my published works but we really need to get this to the laundry, there’s one somewhere in the hotel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin nods, and Yoohyeon isn’t sure if she sees the ghost of disappointment cross her face briefly, so she chooses to ignore it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s getting late,” Yubin concedes, checking her watch. “I should get going.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yoohyeon thinks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>not when we haven’t talked. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Not when this is the first time Yubin has ever looked at her in years, and looked at her as if she was actually there. Like she has a chance, despite all of Yubin’s walls being up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon isn’t going to wuss out this time. Not this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tries to act as casually as she can but she knows it looks pathetic to anyone else looking. “Hey,” she begins, her voice starting to waver. “If you aren’t doing anything, do you wanna catch up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a small smile on Yubin’s face. Barely there, but still there. “At the hotel laundromat?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon shrugs. “We’ll make do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a pause. A heavy silence. Yubin looks away and Yoohyeon knows she’s weighing this in her head. This, or leave. This, or leave. This, or leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon, again, would understand if Yubin chose to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Yubin takes the book from the bedside table, and her coat folded neatly on top of their messed up clothes, and puts the coat on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She still looks handsome. So painfully handsome. Yoohyeon doesn’t know what to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Yubin gestures to the door. “Lead the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure about the settings?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon checks her phone, with a few drunk texts from Handong - which honestly has never happened before, she realizes - and barely readable instructions to care for designer dresses like Monique Lhuillier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Handong had suggested hydrogen peroxide on the stain, which Yoohyeon didn’t have, but the lady manning the laundromat at this hour helped her some, taking the dress from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now there’s barely a stain, and they just need to pop it in the washer and the dryer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup,” Yoohyeon says, pressing the button that gets the washing machine working. Only one unit whirrs in a row of others. The whirring replaces the sound of some dryers at the back, but Yoohyeon still hears the whirring of the posh and highly gentrified vending machine Yubin just utilized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She takes a few couple of seats away from Yubin, a tiny table between them, where she notices two cups of iced Milo in the middle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For me?” Yoohyeon asks, unbelieving, undeserving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin raises a brow, looking around to make a point. “Don’t see anyone else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon takes a sip, and Milo is always good even if it’s from a vending machine. “You still know exactly how sweet I still like it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin laughs softly, shrugging. “I took my chances.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s silence. A heavy one. And the wall that had slowly been torn down throughout the night was building up again at every single mention of the past, or every single conversation that could possibly lead up to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon doesn’t blame her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yubs,” she tries one of their age-old nicknames, softly-spoken as if to not spook her. She and Handong had called her this the most, but among all of them only Yoohyeon had the most number of names she could call Yubin without being mildly stared down by her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It backfires immediately. Yubin’s fingers tighten around her empty cup, and she looks away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon hadn’t expected a single word to break her heart the way it just did, but she has spent all these years being afraid of the same pain. But now, she sees she’s still alive. She’s here. It’s not the end of the world yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon stands her ground, but she pulls away. The nickname might have been too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” she says, looking away. “I just…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Regret those ten years?” Yubin says, quietly, not even looking at her. Somehow each word feels even more like shards to her heart spoken softly, and Yoohyeon wished that Yubin had torn through the uneasy silence with a raised voice. “Throw our years-long friendship out the window?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are tears in Yoohyeon’s eyes before she knows it, but she wipes it away swiftly. This was going to be one of the most painful conversations she’ll ever have, if not the most painful, and she definitely got herself here because of decisions she made.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She isn’t the scared seventeen year old she was then. She isn’t. She won’t be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This newfound courage, however, almost nearly crumbles when Yubin stands abruptly, taking her cup with her. “I can’t do this, Yoohyeon,” she says, her voice wavering. “I thought I could but I can’t and-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin is running away, and Yoohyeon’s heart breaks some more realizing how painful it is to be on the receiving end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She never deserved any of that. Yubin never deserved any of that and here she is, ten years later, turning away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which is why Yoohyeon reaches out to hold her hand, to call her attention, to make her stay even if she doesn’t deserve Yubin’s attention, patience, forgiveness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t. But like she and Siyeon said: Yubin deserves an explanation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yubin, please,” she almost begs. The grip she has on Yubin is loose, to give her an out because she isn’t someone who could ask her to stay after what had happened. “Can we talk? I know this was the last thing you’d probably want to hear but I just…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t know what she wants out of this. She just wants the guilt to end. She doesn’t even know if she could let herself want Yubin back in her life, doesn’t even know if she should let herself hope that this would be the outcome of this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice breaks, so she bites her lip to stop it from trembling. She exhales a deep breath, and looks up at Yubin, and is severely underprepared to see that her eyes are glassy, but distant, hiding its vulnerability as she always does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m in no position to ask you to stay,” Yoohyeon says quietly, looking up at her, their fingers linked together. “And I’m not asking for your forgiveness, I just want to explain. If you’ll hear me out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a flimsy plea, but she doesn’t know how much more she can do without going on her knees and embarrassing herself in public to ask one of the people she had fiercely cared about in this world to stay when Yoohyeon didn’t do the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a pause, and only the whirring of the washing machine doing its cycles, and the thumping of Yoohyeon’s pulse in her ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin could have left her at the party. Yubin didn’t have to offer to drive her home, didn’t have to help her with her dress, didn’t have to come with her to this harshly lit laundromat at the Marriott. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin didn’t have to do any of those, and yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” Yoohyeon asks, one last time, and she’s about to let go of Yubin’s hand so she can go and leave her and never speak to her ever again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Yubin holds on to her hand, as if it had been a last-minute decision, and sits down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon’s hand offers a specific kind of comfort nothing else could in this world, and to have it in hers as Bora gets a few buckets of tears out of her system feels like an anchor in the storm of her raging emotions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s always felt that way with Siyeon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hates crying, she really does. She hates the feeling of being raw, of being so open. She hates the way she looks when she cries. Ten years later, it’s still Siyeon who sees her cry. It’s still Siyeon who wipes her tears away with some tissue she brandishes from her side table which Bora will tease her about later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel so stupid,” Bora says, her shoulders shaking when she inhales. Her face is warm and her eyes are puffy, but even with this discomfort and the embarrassment looming above her head at any display of vulnerability, the coil inside her ribs has loosened considerably. “Why am I crying?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon laughs, a soft one. If Bora doesn’t know better, it’s tinged with pity. Or fondness. She doesn’t know. “Because you’re sad? It’s okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have a reason to be sad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora crumples the piece of tissue when Siyeon hums. “Don’t you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hurt you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shrugging, Siyeon pulls her hand away to lean back on her bed. “You can still be sad and have done what you did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora doesn’t deserve this. She really doesn’t deserve this moment, much less Siyeon’s time and patience. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But here she is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know where to start,” she says, honestly. Would an apology be too abrupt? Would it be enough? She doesn’t expect it to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon leans back, her eyes blank and guarded for the first time tonight, but she still watches Bora with an intensity only Siyeon has. She looks absurd in her expensive suit ensemble, as she stretches her legs across her Captain America sheets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fiddling with the material of her sheets, like she does with any soft surface, Bora knows Siyeon only does it when she’s nervous. Only if Yoohyeon were here. Only if Minji. Only if Bora could dare offer the back of her hand for Siyeon to pinch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can start with why you never spoke to me again after you left the airport.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora inhales, her shoulders shaking with remnants of crying moments ago. She leans back on the headboard of Siyeon’s bed, and some parts still stuck into the same parts of her back like Bora had never left in the first place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing she’ll ever say will justify those ten years but she should still try. She’ll still try. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I said I needed some time to adjust, I meant it,” Bora says, remembering how overwhelming moving to America was. The culture. The life. The excess. “I just… when I finally could find the courage to ask you how you were…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t know how to continue that. Bora never found the courage in the first place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All you needed was to send me a text message, Bora,” Siyeon says, sighing. She sounds tired. Defeated. “A text message. Would that be too much? Would it be too much of a burden to respond to me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora feels the tears pricking at her eyes again. She doesn’t know how to explain that it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>hard to reply. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> hard, but it was never a burden. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Siyeon, I—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All these years, I always wondered why you never responded, why you left me high and dry. I always thought it was my fault, even if everyone tells me it isn’t.” Siyeon lets out a huff, shaking her head. “But at the back of my head that voice that told me it was wouldn’t ever stop. Sometimes it still doesn’t. So was it something I did?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are tears in Siyeon’s eyes, and it makes Bora move closer to take her hand in hers, and to catch some of the tears that fall. “No, no, baby,” she says, her own voice cracking. “It wasn’t, believe me. It wasn’t anything you did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon looks up at her, with glassy eyes and a red nose. “Then why?” She asks, and Bora’s heart shatters into a million pieces. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why? </span>
  </em>
  <span>How was she going to explain herself without telling Siyeon about what she’d felt all those years ago? About what she feels now, seeing the only person she’d keep choosing if she had the chance? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scared,” is all Bora says, and it’s not enough, and Siyeon deserves better, but nothing comes out. Nothing comes out of her damned mouth around this girl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon laughs, disbelieving. “Scared? Scared of what?” She shakes her head. “What’s so scary about sending me a message to say hi? To ask me how I was? To greet me on my birthday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Each word feels like a newly formed crack to Bora’s ribs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Siyeon,” Bora says quietly, staring at the quilt instead of Siyeon. Her heart feels like a building on shaky concrete. “I did all of that because I was scared of being in love with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There it is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not the entire truth, but it was the core of it. The heaviest part. The one Bora feared the most, all these ten years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A roaring silence settles over them uncomfortably, she had felt as if she’d fired a gun and her ears were ringing, the veins near it thumping heavily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s out in the open. Raw, vulnerable, and it’s always about Siyeon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Always about her. Always for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon shakes her head again, pinching the bridge of her nose. Her head is bowed, her blonde hair curtaining around her face so Bora can’t see her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand,” she says, finally, cutting through the silence. Bora almost misses it. “You left because you were in love with me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scared that I was,” Bora corrects. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you were in love with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighs, twisting the sheets with her fingers. There’s no point to hiding it now. “Yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora hazards to look up at Siyeon, and she’s greeted with so many conflicting emotions passing through Siyeon’s face. Sadness. Hope. Anguish. Confusion. Bora feels sorry for making her go through all of that. For making her feel all these things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand,” Siyeon says, her voice soft. “Make me understand, Bora. Please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She inhales, then lets the breath out. It feels it gets stuck inside her ribs, but Bora keeps going. “I’ve been in love with you since we were sixteen,” Bora says, and even if it’s been more than ten years, it still feels so scary to admit. As if those feelings never left. As if those feelings could resurface at any moment - both good and bad. “I didn’t know if you felt the same because of the way we were, and I was so scared of what would have happened if I’d told you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon doesn’t say anything, so Bora continues. “If I’d told you, and you said you didn’t want me, I would have been crushed. But if you told me you felt the same, I thought I was going to ruin it anyway. I was so terrified of both outcomes. So I ran away from it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I meant it when I said I needed time to adjust to the life there,” Bora says, and she can’t even control what’s coming out of her mouth. All she knows is she needs to tell the truth, not even caring if what she did was justifiable. Or worth the ten years of misery. All she needed was Siyeon to know the truth. “And when I finally thought I could reach you, every time I saw your name, I couldn’t. Because I’d be back to that place of being afraid of what I felt about you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora finds herself in that very same place, ten years later, and seeing Siyeon in person had very much put her back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s still terrified, but she’s older now. Wiser than she was all those years ago, and definitely stronger than the person she was a few days ago that couldn’t even face Siyeon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all out in the open. Bora had lain all her cards on the table and now she waits. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The silence feels so thick, and after few a heavy beats Siyeon takes that moment to laugh, and this time it’s sad and resigned. “Bora,” she says, shaking her head. “You didn’t even give us a chance.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her heart stumbles over itself. She can’t help but look up at Siyeon, whose eyes are so sad. “What do you mean?” Bora dares to ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was in love with you too and you never even gave us a chance,” Siyeon says, quietly, and Bora feels the world shatter like glass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Bora’s turn to say: “I don’t understand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon pulls her legs up, her arms hanging from her knees, and she looks so boyish and beautiful and everything Bora has always loved about her. Siyeon could have changed a million ways, but Bora could still see the girl she’d loved for what felt like ages. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Siyeon turns to look at her, there are tears at the rims of her eyes again. “I was so in love with you it was so sick,” she says, laughing lightly to lift the mood, and none of this feels real to Bora. None of this was getting through her skull. “How couldn’t I be? We spent every waking moment with each other and you were my best friend and my other half.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s nothing she can say, nothing at all, and Siyeon takes it to continue even if Bora’s heart is pulverized into dust. “I was sixteen and I was convinced that you would be the one. No one else would compare. No one else would hold a candle to the way you made me feel,” she says, sniffing a little and laughing and Bora still finds that she wants to kiss those tears away but after she’d decided to run away from this she’d lost those privileges. “I wanted to tell you what I felt at prom, you know? That was probably the day I felt the bravest to tell you when we were hanging out at the back of my truck before Yoohyeon came in, and then there were more important things at hand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bora says, weakly. She doesn’t trust her voice. Doesn’t trust her stupid mouth to hold back the tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s when Siyeon purses her lips, wiping away at the tears streaking her cheeks. “Guess you weren’t the only one who was afraid,” she says, sniffing a little. “I never knew if you were serious with all the flirting and touching. I never knew if you meant more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes the both of us.” Bora laughs for the first time. God. Why were gay people like this? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I never left,” Siyeon replies, still somber. Her eyes, sad. “I wanted to wait for you after we finished school. Then I wanted to work a little, so we could rent a place on our own. I wanted all of that with you, but then we stopped talking and all of those times you left me on read made me feel so stupid.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite these, Siyeon doesn’t sound angry. She just sounds incredibly sad, and Bora feels that break her own heart even more. She wipes away her own tears with some tissue from the dresser again, and inhales as she folds it mindlessly. Bora isn’t prepared to see the look on her face, the fondness, the melancholy, all of it, when she says: “But seeing you again, after all these years… it’s like my brain just threw out all the things I’ve been dealing with related to us out the window because I was just so happy to see you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon looks like she’d asked a stupid question. “You were my best friend,” she says, “you were my better half and I think my heart is still used to feeling that way around you even if it hasn’t been true for a long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tears start again, unbidden as they usually are around Siyeon, and Bora curls into herself, her dress getting rumpled. “I’m so sorry, Siyeon,” she says, and it’s the first time she’d ever apologized. And she can’t even list the things she should apologize for just yet. “You should be angry with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then there’s Siyeon’s hand, reaching over, covering Bora’s own. Like a reflex, she starts pinching the skin of the back of Bora’s hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon looks at her, soft and hopeful and everything Bora has loved and missed and probably does not deserve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it be so terrible if I wasn’t?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon watches the dress inside the machine on its second cycle, and she can imagine that’s exactly what her stomach looks like right now as Yubin sits, maintaining a relatively safe distance, waiting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” Yubin starts. “Should there be any reason I should not be angry with you for all that happened in those ten years?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon deserves it, she really does, but she lets out a soft, “Yubin, please,” and just like that Yubin purses her lips and sits back against the seat. Her hand is on the table, by their empty cups of milo, and Yoohyeon dares to reach out, to touch her, and give her another reason to hear her out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin pulls away, slowly, and Yoohyeon tries to not take it personally. It feels like all those times Yubin had done this before. She should be used to it already. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, Yoohyeon pulls back. “I didn’t ask you to stay because I want to give a reason to not be upset,” she says. “I owe you an explanation, and I want to tell you everything like we used to. When we were kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She used to tell Yubin everything. They used to know everything about each other. Then when things started to feel complicated on her end, that changed and Yoohyeon will never stop feeling sad about that no matter how many years pass between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other woman doesn’t say anything, but Yoohyeon sees her visibly softening, so she takes that as a good sign to continue. “It’s up to you to decide if you want to stop being angry about everything that happened, but I hope you know that whatever you choose, I’ll respect it. If you never speak to me again after this night,” she says, cautiously, as to not break her own heart. “I’ll understand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yoohyeon,” Yubin says, and she looks pained - as she always does, when it comes to uncomfortable conversations about emotions. Yoohyeon feels incredibly vulnerable right now, and she’s someone comfortable with the intensity of her emotions. She can only imagine how difficult it is for Yubin. “Just tell me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon watches the way her dress cycles inside the washing machine. “When we were fifteen I think I realized I loved you,” she says, gets it out of her system, even with so much difficulty. She hates hard conversations. Yoohyeon wants to run but she’s done that too much. “And I did so much stupid things because I wanted you to want me, and I ended up ruining our friendship because of it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin looks at her like she can’t believe it, and she shakes her head and says nothing, but she’s still here. She’s still listening. Yoohyeon decides to lay all her cards on the table. “I took that scholarship because I wanted some space, because I felt like I was expecting too much from you when I knew you only saw me as a friend, and it hurt too much to be reminded of that because I saw you every day, and that you were just everywhere in my life,” Yoohyeon doesn’t even realize her eyes are welling up until a few tears drop onto the palms of her hands. “It hurt too much to </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> be your best friend, and there was no one else to blame for that except myself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bites her lip, her fingers curling into her palm. “When I said yes to Bora, some sick part of me thought maybe you’d want me if I leave, but that was unfair. I just wanted you to be proud of me, but that was unfair on my part,” Yoohyeon says, and her ribs feel like they’re closing in and expanding at the same time. It’s suffocating. Then liberating. She doesn’t know. “I wanted to do it for myself, and maybe along the way I did. But at the back of my head, I always thought about you, and I always wanted you to be proud of what I was doing even if we weren’t talking.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why didn’t you come back?” Yubin asks, her voice low, shaky. She isn’t looking at Yoohyeon, and she grips at her own arms quite tightly. “After you asked for space, why didn’t you call?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her nails dig deeper into her palm, if that were even possible. “I didn’t want to be back in that place that did everything for you, and did everything so you could reciprocate,” Yoohyeon says, feeling shameful. “And I never called because when I finally did, it was too late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A part of her doesn’t dare admit that ten years later, she still does exactly that. Her essays, her works in progress—all of them. Yoohyeon writes with the tiniest hope sitting at the back of her mind that Yubin would read it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tears come, falling freely, and Yoohyeon can’t help but laugh as she wipes it away, feeling ridiculous. “There’s no excuse for all those years except the fact that I was just so afraid,” she sniffs, and it shakes her shoulders a bit. “And that I just wanted to recover from the fact that you don’t love me the way I tried my best not to want. That’s why.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one speaks after that. The only sound in the room is the washing machine on its third cycle, whirring and filling the silence. Had it not been there, a pin needle could probably be heard dropping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a few seconds, and then a minute and Yoohyeon can’t take it. “Yubin, please say something,” she pleads. It’s the first time she’d asked something like this from Yubin, who had always chosen to be rather impassive to everything. “Anything. You can walk away from this forever but at least now you know, and I’m sorry,” a fresh set of tears fall down. “I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few more seconds of torment, of watching the dress spin inside the washing machine, Yubin speaks and nothing in this world could have ever prepared Yoohyeon for - “You really thought I didn’t love you back?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sniffing, Yoohyeon shakes her head. When she looks at Yubin, she has her head in her hands. “No,” Yoohyeon tells her. “Not in that way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you ran away from this because you didn’t think I loved you,” Yubin says, slowly. She looks at her this time, and her eyes are glassy under the lights of the Marriott's laundromat. “What on earth gave you that impression?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon shrugs, because it’s all she can do. “I felt like when we grew up you didn’t tell me a lot of things, and you didn’t like being touched, and you had this roster of girls that wanted your attention and I just thought I couldn’t compete with any of those,” she says, and even if she’d rid herself of those insecurities in the years they were apart, she feels them cropping up again like she was the seventeen-year-old she was before. “You never expressed interest in me, and you didn’t ask me to stay and—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was I to do, Yoohyeon?” Her voice is the loudest she’s ever heard, and it rings through the room. “Stop you from leaving? Stop you from chasing your dreams with Bora even if you’d never talked about studying abroad with me? What kind of friend would I be if I did that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s right—Yubin didn’t stop her because Yubin knew she wanted that scholarship, even if she didn’t know why. Yoohyeon hadn’t meant to sound like she was blaming Yubin, because she isn’t. Far from it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin massages the bridge of her nose, shaking her head and licking her lips. “And for the record, I did love you, and I did my best to show you even if it was so hard for me.” She looks at Yoohyeon, tired and sad and a little bit angry, then turns away. “I was a stupid teenager that struggled to show my best friend that I cared about her, and I wasn’t even given a chance to change that because I only knew something was wrong when you left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighs, her shoulders shaking slightly, and Yubin looks small and very much like the person Yoohyeon had left back at that airport all those years ago, whose letter she’d read four years later and rose she’d lose hours after. “Remember prom? When you’d disappeared and I found you holed up in your room and I didn’t know what was wrong because you didn’t tell me,” Yubin says. “You never told me why, and we just ate your favorite food I brought in silence.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon remembers that night, even if it had felt like a haze; like a fever dream. After she’d changed out of her dress and Siyeon and Bora headed home for the night, Yubin came knocking on her door bringing her favorite pastries and iced tea. They didn’t talk about the girl confessing at the gazebo, nor did they talk about why Yoohyeon’s eyes were swollen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to be better, Yoohyeon,” Yubin says, her voice breaking. She clears her throat. “I was trying to be better; not changing who I was but being more open and sensitive to you because you deserved that. But I’m never going to know if you don’t tell me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dress inside the washing machine stops spinning. Yoohyeon ignores the beeping until it stops because she can’t wrap her head around all of what Yubin had just said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You loved me?” She can’t help but ask meekly, looking at Yubin who watches her with the same careful but broken expression. “More than a best friend?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon’s heart caves in her chest when Yubin nods. “Even when I was angry, I loved you,” she says. “Even when I was upset, I loved you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tense doesn’t escape her, and Yoohyeon had promised Yubin she would have to accept it, and so she will, even if this night doesn’t end well for the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin laughs, shaking her head, and Yoohyeon still can’t process that information. “Stupid seventeen-year-old me thought a letter and a rose would be enough to tell you,” she says, running a hand through her hair. “But I could have done better if I’d known it probably would have made you stay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon bites her lip, her nails digging into her palm again, and decides to come clean as well. “I lost the rose,” she says, “and only had the guts to read the letter four years later.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin laughs, a sad but genuine one, shaking her head. “Can’t say I’m surprised,” she teases. “But I’m glad you even read that letter. When you stopped replying, I assumed you would've thrown it out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon pouts. “I really wanted to keep the rose, Yubin. I kept the letter after all these years, and if I had the chance I’d find that rose and preserve it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a lull, a thick silence, and the beeping of the washing machine to turn on its dryer. The cycles start again and then makes her way back. Yubin watches her all the way, but turns her eyes away when Yoohyeon’s look up to meet hers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She folds her hands on her lap. “I want to ask if you’re angry, even after all these years and after tonight,” Yoohyeon says. “I understand if you never want to speak to me again, or if you want more explanations.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying not to be angry anymore,” Yubin admits, biting her thumb. “I don’t want to hold on to this grudge forever knowing I played a part. But it hurt so much, Yoohyeon. Those ten years. I hope you know that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nods because she </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Yoohyeon tries not to hate herself for it but fails miserably. “I know,” Yoohyeon says, picking at the hangnail like the bad habit it is. “I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for it and I don’t expect you to stop being angry with me just because I explained myself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just,” Yubin bites her lip, then shakes her head again. She opens her mouth to speak, several times, and nothing comes out until: “So hard to have visibly no contact with you and then seeing you all again. And then I’m confronted with all these things I used to feel, and I’m not sure if they’re what I feel now or just some shitty part of me that has always been too nostalgic for my own good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon perks up at that, but tries to temper it. What did Yubin feel then? Why is she feeling it now? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Could it be…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yoohyeon thinks. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, no, don’t go there. Don’t.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin leans back, resting the back of her head against her palms. She used to do that so often, but only around Yoohyeon and maybe Siyeon, that relaxed posture not a lot of people outside of their circle got to see at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can be mad at me,” Yoohyeon says. “I deserve it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some part of her thinks she always will. She’ll deserve the cold shoulder, breaking this thing over forever, and then maybe seeing her again at Handong and Minji’s baby shower, or Gahyeon’s second grandmaster finals, or Bora’s Tony-award winning production, or - </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the thing, Yoohyeon, I am,” Yubin says, her eyes soft and piercing and a little bit tortured. Yoohyeon has never seen her so torn about something, and Yoohyeon knows the same kind of torment in her eyes is pretty much what she feels too. “But I don’t want to, and I don’t know what to do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand, Siyeon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon shrugs, like it’s the easiest thing on earth seeing your best friend had just shaken complicated feelings that never went away back to life. Like it’s so easy to have this conversation. Like it’s so easy to talk about leaving and being left behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora grips the sheets in her hands, feeling the tears ready to overflow again. “I don’t know why you’re not mad, Siyeon. You should be.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing, Siyeon stretches, trying to reach her toes. Some of her bones pop, and that’s something definitely new and makes Bora laugh a little despite her nose running. “I was,” she says, lying back on the bed to look at the ceiling. “But I don’t know. Life happened, and therapy happened too, so I sort of had to face that part of my life without you a lot. Hating you wasn’t doing me any good, so I did my best not to without discounting how hurt I really was. And I was, Bora,” Siyeon turns to her, frowning. “It was so hard. I missed you so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The arrow piercing Bora’s heart twists, where it’s lodged, but she nods and a few tears fall in the process. “I missed you too,” she bites her trembling lip when she sees Siyeon smile up at her. “I’m so fucking sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon smiles slowly, her eyes glassy with tears and some roll down her temples. But her smile is genuine, and happy, and Bora still thinks it’s so charming. She nods, and Bora doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve any of this, but when Siyeon looks at her like that, the thought is banished even just for a few moments. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few years ago, this was all she could ever dream of, and now that she has it, Bora doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know if she deserves this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She isn’t the same person she was before, and neither is Siyeon. Maybe the early tendrils of dawn start to show themselves outside Siyeon’s window, or the way Siyeon looks up at her the way she is right now, but Bora doesn’t feel like a coward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s afraid. But she isn’t a coward. She isn’t going to run away - not again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were so young and stupid,” she laughs, and it feels light. Siyeon laughs too, and Bora takes the opportunity to shake her shoulder a bit. The bed shakes with their giggles, and it’s the first time she’d really, truly laughed tonight. “I guess it carried all the way to adulthood, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon turns, resting her head on her fist. The tender and attentive look in her eyes has always been something Bora has loved about her, and it’s overwhelming to be the reason for it. It always has been, but even more so tonight, after all these years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess it did,” Siyeon says solemnly, and Bora thinks it might be the exhaustion, but she sees Siyeon’s eyes dip to her lips, and then up again. Her words feel heavy with so many things they’re not saying, and Bora doesn’t know what to do except let a blush crawl up the back of her neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, Siyeon flops on her back to stare up at the ceiling again. “So what now, Bora?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora had always been someone a few steps ahead, despite the fact that she looks like she doesn’t think her actions through. For things that matter, she did - very much so. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shakes her head. “I don’t know. I didn’t think I’d get this far, I’ll be honest.” Siyeon laughs, and silence settles. This time, it’s comfortable, healing. Like they knew what the other was going to say. Like they were on the same page. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, it’s Bora who lays her cards on the table. “I’ll be honest again and say that I still feel the way I do for you, even after all these years. I don’t know what to do with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t look at Siyeon, can’t see her expression on the off chance she rejects her. Then a hand is on hers. “I hate to sound like a complete fucking loser,” says Siyeon, looking at her with a smile, and Bora doesn’t feel so afraid or so alone anymore. “But it’s always been you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Years ago, this was all Bora had wanted. She still finds she wants the same thing. Then fear rears its ugly head, and Bora can’t help but hug her knees tighter to her chest. “I don’t want to rush this, Siyeon,” she says, her hands trembling. “I just got you back. I don’t want to lose you again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can just be friends.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s never going to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>just friends</span>
  </em>
  <span> with you.” It’s impossible. Bora knows it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a hand on top of hers, and Siyeon’s fingers start pinching the back of her hand. “But we can try. Do you want to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There would be no other answer. “Of course.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There would be no one else. “Then let’s try.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying not to be angry anymore,” Yubin says, toying with the empty cup. “I’ve been trying to, and it’s working but I just…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pauses, licks her lips and shakes her head. She still looks the same when she’s angry. Yoohyeon would think it’s endearing, had she not been on the receiving end of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s just too much going on in here right now,” Yubin points to her head, and then to her collarbone, “and right here. And I need to sort it out, even just for a little while.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon nods, because the least she can give Yubin is this. The time. The space. The acceptance of whatever decision she makes. “I understand,” says Yoohyeon, because she does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wants to say more, but what else is there? This is what she could do. This is the best. Everything else is in Yubin’s hands, because it’s what she deserves and Yoohyeon, at the deepest parts of her soul, wants this moment to be longer, wants her to start a conversation, wants this night with Yubin to last - even if she doesn’t deserve it, or her heart can’t take it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin takes their two cups, like she’s ready to dispose of them, but her eyes linger on Yoohyeon as her hands play with the paper material. It seems she wants to say more, but decides otherwise, and now there is a short-lived silence that’s ruined by beeps that tell her the drying cycle has ended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yubin, I’m sorry,” Yoohyeon says, and she wants it to be the last time she’ll apologize tonight, but she wants it to mean the most. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin watches her carefully, and Yoohyeon can’t read her, can’t understand, but she smiles - a soft one, like a ghost that passes. Yoohyeon still doesn’t know what it means, and she doesn’t know what to think. Does it mean forgiveness? Does it mean pity? Does it mean somewhere in between? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Yubin says is: “you should probably get that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>To seek a moment of reprieve, Yoohyeon does. She stands to take the dress out of the dryer and inspect it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stain is… still somewhat there. A little noticeable, but maybe another wash or another try can get it off completely. She can ask Handong how she cleans her designer stuff in the morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s still here,” Yoohyeon says, holding the dress up to show Yubin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the wine did a number on it,” she says. “But considering how red it was a while ago, it’s not bad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It really isn’t. She can’t wait to use this dress again for whichever reason. Yoohyeon felt pretty in it, and she’s extremely relieved this gift from Handong and Minji was salvaged despite tonight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the corner of her eye, Yubin checks her watch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon still wants her around, still wants to catch up, but she’s kept Yubin around long enough. She’s taken up too much of her time. Folding the dress neatly in her arms, she tilts her head towards the exit. “Let me bring you down.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin stands, shaking her head already but Yoohyeon won’t have it. “It’s the least I can do after all you’ve done tonight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin says nothing else to that. Seems like, after all these years, she still knows when Yoohyeon simply will not take no for an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their shoulders brush as the elevator descends. The distance between them has lessened, and Yoohyeon tries not to think of the warmth of Yubin’s skin, covered in tattoos she hasn’t even had the chance to ask about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When do you think you’ll finish your essay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon tries to suppress the way she’d jumped slightly at Yubin breaking the silence. “I don’t know. Maybe next month if I promise myself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, Yubin rocks on her feet. “I think I have some Anne Carson with me, if you still need some more. Some collector’s edition stuff. Gahyeon and Bora got some of them for me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Glass, Irony, and God.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh. Yoohyeon had been searching for that. “If it isn’t too much of a hassle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin shakes her head, waving her off. “Nonsense. Just send me your address and I’ll have it shipped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They reach the lobby, and head to the valet where they wait for Yubin’s car to peel in. “You have everything with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin brandishes her jacket, and her car keys. Those were the only things she’d brought with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Yoohyeon says, and Yubin’s car arrives. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waves awkwardly, and Yubin does the same, and Yubin starts walking away and suddenly it starts to hurt because Yoohyeon doesn’t know what’s going to happen. Doesn’t know what’s after this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All she knows is that if Yubin never spoke to her again, she’d understand even if it would hurt so much, and hurt as much as everything did when she was a teenager.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yubin!” She calls out and Yoohyeon doesn’t know why, but she had just felt the need to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Halting from entering her car, Yubin turns to look at her, her eyebrows raised. “Yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” says Yoohyeon. The drive. The dress. The conversation and listening to whatever she had to say. All of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yubin says nothing, only nods. There’s a small smile on her face - barely noticeable, but Yoohyeon sees it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good night, Yoohyeon.” Then she enters her car, shuts the door, and drives away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s over just like that. Ten years, and that very moment. If Yoohyeon had tears left to cry, she would probably be crying on the way up. But perhaps not out of sadness, not out of remorse, not out of guilt. But relief, and of release</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t know what’s going to happen, but she’ll be fine. She’ll be okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her watch tells her it’s four A.M. She wonders if Bora’s back at the hotel room, so she checks her phone to see a few messages from her from hours ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Bora</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>U ok? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Saw you and yubs dip </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yoohyeon</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Idk</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll be fine</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Bora</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Okay</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Im on my way</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hang in there</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On her way? So Bora isn't in the hotel room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t need to wonder who it was Bora spent her time with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’ll have lots to talk about later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think she’s okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora hands over her helmet to Siyeon, shrugging. “She would have called if she wasn’t. But I’m glad your house isn’t very far.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can come up if you need me to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora places a hand on Siyeon’s shoulder and decides to do so last-minute. Her first instinct had to put it on her cheek, but they were trying this whole </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span> thing first. Getting to know each other after those years apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be okay,” she says, and means it. “In the meantime, you need to talk to Lee Yubin and ask her how she is too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon laughs, adjusting her helmet a little. “Yes, ma’am.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Siyeon mounts her bike, Bora can’t help but stop her. “Siyeon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to come with me to see my family?” She says, and hopes it isn’t too much. Her parents have been asking about her, and she hasn't had the guts to say they haven’t been talking. But now... </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to </span>
  <em>
    <span>just friends?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” teases Siyeon, and Bora shoves her a little for good measure. “Yeah. I think I’d like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora resists all urges to do anything, but she can’t help but ask one last thing. “Can I hug you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon laughs, opening her arms. “You don’t need to ask. Come over here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Bora does and it feels so sweet and tender and right. She’d been missing out on this. She’d been such an idiot for being afraid of this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Siyeon holds her, and she holds Siyeon, and it feels like the world stops around them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten years later, the safest place in Bora’s books is still Siyeon’s arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She finds Yoohyeon typing away furiously at her laptop in a way no one should at four fifteen in the morning. Bora lowers the laptop lid gently, enough to get her attention, enough to make a point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, quit that,” Bora tells her, uncharacteristically soft. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon tells her everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora does, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fall asleep when the sun is up, and Yoohyeon has her hand in Bora’s the entire time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be okay here?” Bora asks, packing her stuff. She’d rented a car nearby to drive back home, up north, where her family stayed. “You could come with me and Siyeon. My parents would be happy to see you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a tempting offer, because Yoohyeon loves Bora’s family too. But there had been a newly imposed deadline set by her publisher, and she just needs to meet this quota fast before she resumes the rest of her holiday. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon nods, stuffing her laptop into her tote bag. “I think if I meet this stupid deadline I can follow, drop by for a bit, and then visit my family.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bora hums. “Well, if you’re sure. You’re always welcome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That warms her heart. This trip only managed to solidify that after everything, she’ll always have Bora and Bora will always have her. “I know. Love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That afternoon, she sends Bora and Siyeon off after having lunch with the newlyweds and Gahyeon, and wishes them a safe trip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(“So what’s up with </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Handong had asked, the absolute gossip she is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon claps hands over her ears, unwilling to be peer pressured into gossiping about it. “Not my story to tell! Ask them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pouting, Handong swats her shoulder. “You’re no fun.”)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The library is buzzing with life as she sits down, sets up her workspace. It’s different being here, something about this being in one of her hometowns. Something about seeing this place flourish because of her and her friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This paper isn’t gonna do itself,” Yoohyeon says, pulling up the document. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she writes and writes and writes until she hits another wall. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon leans back, staring at the ceiling, imploring the angry gods of academic writing to possess her and—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” a voice says, and she knows that voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snaps her head to see it’s Yubin, with some books tucked under her arm. Yoohyeon feels her heart trip over herself, feels like a teenager again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Yubin,” says Yoohyeon, at loss for words. “Hi.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew I’d find you here, for some reason,” Yubin tells her, almost shy. She shows her the books she’d been carrying. Some Anne Carson ones, and some Little Prince ones - personal copies except one. “As promised, and a little more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoohyeon reaches out for all of them, but she only holds the one lone Little Prince copy belonging to the library. It’s the J900.77 copy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In front of Yubin, she flips through it and finds that it doesn’t have any more of their notes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up, she sees Yubin holding them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to use these anymore,” Yubin says, even as she folds them neatly and with reverence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to either,” Yoohyeon replies, and it can’t be any truer than that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, Yubin smiles. A big one, a happy one, a relieved one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she says, taking a seat beside Yoohyeon, and Yoohyeon feels her heart soar. “Glad we’re on the same page.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you think we’ll be okay? Like all of us, when we get older.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yoohyeon observes Minji and Handong splashing and trying to annoy Gahyeon, and it’s working. Siyeon and Bora make sandcastles. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yubin sits with her because Yoohyeon had felt tired. She’d brought over some soda and snacks to share between them, and gave her a jacket to wrap around her shoulders. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t know,” Yubin says. “But I’d like to think we will be. I want us to be.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She looks at Yubin, who stares at the scene unfolding, smiling to herself. It’s rare to see her display such fondness in public, and it’s been happening a lot more. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minji accidentally stumbles into Handong, and Gahyeon laughs. The waves ruin Bora and Siyeon’s castle, but they’re rolling around the sand laughing their hearts out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, I think we’ll be alright,”  Yoohyeon says, and Yubin lets her hold her hand. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much to everyone who enjoyed and anticipated this~ it was a lot of fun (and pain) to write. I honestly think this may be my most mature fic ever lol </p><p>Big thanks to my friends who kept me going!! Couldn't have finished this without all the support and hype!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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